This Is Me
by Jelly Bean Jenna
Summary: Andy comes back from Project Dakota & finds Luke's interested in winning her back while Sam appears not to be, or is he playing the friendship card? Or is it just the way it is, because with Andy- it comes naturally?
1. Chapter 1

**Summary: Andy comes back from Project Dakota & finds Luke's interested in winning her back while Sam appears not to be, or is he playing the friendship card? Or is it just the way it is, because with Andy- it comes naturally? **

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who has read & reviewed my other fics, you guys are really awesome!**

**A/N 2: Please note, if you're not familiar with my writing, I write fiction & its a little AU, so it won't be strictly following the series! **

**Disclaimer; Nope don't own it, if I did it would be on non-stop! I only own the plot to this & all the mistakes!**

**Thanks as always to Kelly2727 & all the regulars! Welcome to the newbies!**

**Special thanks to Mahtra for casting her eyes over this & Shadowing!**

**Chapter 1- Even Lovers Need A Holiday**

Six months of being away had given her time to think, time to contemplate what she wanted, where she was going and how she was going to get there.

The dark clouds that loomed over her the few weeks before she left seemed to obliterate as time passed during those six months, a clearer perspective becoming visible as she let words and memories roll around in her mind during any available free time she had.

Maybe being away had been a good thing, maybe having space had improved her judgement.

How'd the words go in that song?

Everybody needs a little time away,

I heard her say,

From each other.

Even lovers need a holiday,

Far away from each other.

Hold me now,

It's hard for me to say I'm sorry,

I just want you to stay...

After all that we've been through,

I will make it up to you,

I promise to.

And after all that's been said and done,

You're just the part of me I can't let go.

Couldn't stand to be kept away,

Just for the day,

From your body

Wouldn't want to be swept away,

Far away from the one that I love.

When she heard the words to that song their second week into the UC, every doubt she ever had, had faded and disappeared, the words rang so true it felt like they were meant for her and her alone. Her foolish choices and stupid mistakes haunting her as she realized what she had given up when she walked away, she'd given up what she wanted.

The UC was deep cover only for the reason that it took so long, the longer the UC the higher the risk gets of being made, and the harder it becomes to get your target to trust you.

They were posing as a couple and got bartending and waitress jobs at a club called Fiddlers. Their main aim- to gather intel on the owners and the staff and who came to visit.

That was it, easy and simple. Until they gathered more and more info, discovering more and more secrets as time passed. They were cracking open a spiderweb of drug distribution and enforcement it wasn't funny anymore. That was the only reason they were under so long. It was a dangerous assignment, so at Luke's recommendation they weren't even packing heat of any kind.

Andy had been glad Nick was with her, the longing she felt for home seemed to dim in his presence. Briefly anyway.

For some unknown reason Luke had taken on being their handler, so she got to see his face every second or third week too. But she still missed home more than she cared to admit. Whenever they passed Luke info he would show up at the club and sit in Andy's section and pretend to come on to her, which he was far too good at for her liking.

One night Nick had even passed a comment into her ear in a whisper, when she caught Luke staring at her long after she had passed him the note, and she had huffed out an "Aaarrrggg". Nick had whispered "It sucks when its not the one you want, doesn't it?", making Andy in turn stare at him, her fake plastered on smile falling away at his words.

She looked over his shoulder to see Stacey, a waitress working with them staring at Nick, a dreamy look across her face. There was no way Nick was into her, he was pretending to be into Andy or Ally as she was now known, when he was so into Gail it made him stupid.

The take down was done on a wednesday night, when the club was closed, only prep being done for their busy shifts thursday nights through sunday mornings. So it was purely filled with staff and management, no customers to complicate things. They were never given a time or a date for when the bust was happening, the element of surprise on their faces being genuine when the doors were kicked through.

Pushed up against the wall by Noelle and searched before she was handcuffed and led away, Andy let out a sigh of relief knowing that she was finally going home. She was a little nervous at what home may be like when she got there, but still, it was the only place left to go.

Thoughts of Traci and Leo had consumed her on a daily basis, her not quite being able to forgive herself for abandoning them so soon after Jerry's death, when they needed her the most.

Flickers of Sam would cross her mind, but she tried to suppress those thoughts as soon as they fled in, simply because she had to.

She spent most nights staring at the ceiling, wondering if Chris was still at fifteen, or if he left to chase his dream of having a family with Denise, considering that they'd already started one.

She wondered if Dov had his head screwed on straight yet, if Oliver and Zoe were still working on their marriage.

She wondered how big and adorable Noelle and Franks daughter was getting as she grew, and what her name was, other than knowing it wasn't Ninja or Oliver.

She worried about her dad, if he was keeping up his meetings, but that was nothing unusual for her to worry about.

She wondered if Gail was waiting for Nick, or if Sam was waiting for her.

Or if Sam was dating.

Or if Sam had taken a transfer to Guns and Gangs.

If Sam...

Her wonders and thoughts always ended on Sam, every night as she felt her eyelids get heavy as she succumbed to the wrapped arms of slumber.

Being led into the barn, she couldn't help but let her eyes scan every face for those closest to her that had not been at the club during the bust. Traci and Gail had been there, avoiding meeting her gaze. Oliver, Noelle and Dov were there too, and a whole lot of other bodies that filled the uniforms at fifteen.

But no Luke, no Chris and no Sam.

Andy was led to booking and the new face behind the desk started to get her processed, while he eyed her out of her cocktail waitress dress, his eyes the brightest green she'd ever seen. He obviously didn't know who she was.

"Stop perving and start writing" Noelle suddenly growled the words out as she impatiently tapped her foot. Her observant mumbling caused Andy to fail at stifling a giggle, as it passed her lips and carried through the room.

Sam opened the door of the interrogation room, sending it flying against the back wall before it slammed closed as he stepped out of the room.

Six hours he'd been interrogating the sicko cuffed to the chair, six hours he'd been wasting his time trying to find out where he had buried the little girls body and six hours he'd gotten nothing.

The second his feet stepped into the hallway he heard it, the familiar sweet sound as it carried through the air to his ears causing him to freeze and spin towards the sound that carried through the open glass door that sererated the interroation rooms from bookieng.

There she was, standing cuffed in booking looking flustered as Noelle turned to face him at the sound of the door hitting the wall as it ricocheted in their direction. Sam found himself glued to the spot, his feet incapable of moving. He leaned against the wall next to the door and just stood there, taking her in as she seemed oblivious to the fact that he was watching her.

O'Brien behind the booking desk however turned to face him, his movement causing Andy's eyes to follow as they found Sam. A smirk covered his lips, his arms crossed over his chest, he found himself mesmerized by seeing her standing there.

She looked away, trying to keep her face from betraying her. But not before Sam saw the hint of a smile tug at the corners of her lips. Even though she was looking at the floor, Andy could feel him still watching her. She didn't need to look up to feel the intensity of his stare.

Sam at first had to do a double take to make sure it was really her, the black cocktail dress and killer black heels not something he had ever seen her wearing before.

She was a jeans kind of girl, and he had only ever seen her in a really short skirt once, the night she failed miserably at giving it away as a hooker on the John sweep.

Only twice in a dress, the night Gail was taken by the cabbie, and the night she worked the Vesibule sting as a waitress, and never again with hooker heels, platform soled shoes yes, heels no.

She definitely pulled the outfit off with a full score, the sight of her making Sam falter as he lost himself in drinking the sight of her in.

"What's with Swarek?". The face behind the desk asked much to Noelle's annoyance.

Sammy had forgotten that the new rookies didn't know McNally was a cop, and that she was UC and with the next load of squad cars they would be bringing in the real criminals in the door right behind her.

"Got an eye for the ladies". The rookies voice spoke again causing Andy to look back in Sam's direction only to find a beautiful woman make her way over to him and put a hand on his arm to draw his attention.

Andy watched as Sam turned to face the stranger, a dimpled smile replacing the smirk he had while watching her. He pushed off the wall, unfolding his arms as he moved to turn and face the woman in one fluid motion.

Andy watched her say a few words before Sam nodded and held out his hand, indicating that she should walk down the hallway. And then Andy noticed Sam put his hand on the small of the strangers back and walked in stride with her until they disappeared from her line of vision.

Andy felt like she had been punched in the stomach as she watched the scene unfold in front of her eyes. It was the biggest fear she had while she was away, the one thought that caused her to fear coming home. But to actually come home and see her nightmares a reality − Andy felt so stupid for clinging to the hope that some way, somehow there was a way to fix them.

Or that Sam would want to.

How had she ever thought that her, a plain Jane would be able to keep Sam? How could a guy that good looking have anything other than a woman as beautiful as the stranger was on his arm? She was probably just another one of the Swarek/Callaghan conquests on Sam's bedpost to prove a point to Luke, that he could have exactly just what he wanted.

Andy tried to hide the devastation as it crossed her face but knew she was failing when the guy behind the desk did it again, when he opened his mouth.

"You okay, you don't look to good". He said staring Andy in the eye when she looked up.

"Yeah, fine" She mumbled as she tried to keep her voice from telling Noelle she was anything but okay.

Noelle felt Andy stiffen under her hand as soon as her eyes fell on the new occupant in the hallway. She knew her well enough to know exactly what was running through her mind right now.

Noelle had known Sammy since their days at the academy, she had seen McNally blow into his life and knock him off his feet, literally.

She watched from the sidelines as their relationship grew to new heights as it soared and blossomed, before it plummeted to the ground and smashed to pieces, the afterburn sending McNally straight into UC for six months, and Sammy straight to the Penny to forget.

As soon as Sammy walked away Noelle looked up into the glass behind the rookie to see Andy's face divulge her greatest fear, that she had been replaced. She saw the flash of sadness run through Andy's eyes as she tried to cover it up, as her mind allowed her to believe from a few split seconds of seeing Sam talk and touch another woman innocently, that she had lost a war she didn't even know she was fighting.

When Andy spoke the hint of raw emotion that rolled out with her words, it had Noelle ready to walk up to Sammy and punch him in the face for being so stupid.

After the day Andy held the grenade, Noelle knew something had changed between her and Sammy, something happened when they were alone. She had no idea what, but when Sam came walking out, he was different, like he'd found sturdy footing.

Andy on the other hand looked like she'd been dragged to hell and back by a pack of wild dogs, besides the fact that she stood holding a live grenade for over an hour, Noelle sensed that it had nothing to do with the grenade, but rather everything to do with Sammy.

When Andy left for the UC Noelle watched as he tried to immerse himself in an overload of work, taking on a ridiculous case load, once again to forget. She stood by and watched as Sammy lost the spark in his eyes, the spring in his step and the exuberance he once had for the first time in a long time, as his life became turbulent.

Mcnally had changed too, after things went south between her and Sammy, the feisty spark she had, had before then dimmed to a barely visible flicker while she tried to keep up a strong facade.

Noelle knew they broke up the minute she saw McNally's face the next day in parade.

She left it alone, just mumbling a soft "I'm here if you need to talk" in McNally's ear, not wanting to push her too hard.

Emotions were running high as was regret and guilt. They had just lost one of their own, a close friend and brother. Watching Sammy distance himself from McNally at Jerry's funeral when Noelle could see he needed her, was just heartbreaking.

McNally standing on one side of the grave with a forlorn look on her face, while Sammy stood on the other, a broken man.

That was even worse.

Working with them after that was like throwing gasoline on an already lit flame, the heat would ignite the room burning all encased in the flames reach.

But the day McNally held that grenade, that was the day Noelle watched Sammy crumble and fall.

He went into that building looking strong and determined even though the fear was showing through his eyes, but he came out broken and withdrawn, even though he suddenly seemed grounded.

Noelle tightened her grip on Andy's hand before looking up at the rookie behind the desk as he still tried to find his pen evidently, as she growled out a "I think we're done here" and pulled on Andy's cuffs to make her step backwards before leading her towards an interrogation room.

"But…I'm…" the rookie started stammering as Noelle led Andy away calling out "Too slow and getting on my nerves" over her shoulder.

Noelle found interrogation room three unoccupied when she peered through the door's tiny square window, so she pulled on the handle, and shoved the door open, her hand pressing Andy forward so that they could step into the room. She fished out her keys and loosened Andy cuffs, her hands immediately flying up to rub both her wrists where red rings had formed.

Andy knew it was just for show that she had to have the cuffs on tightly, and didn't mind the red welts that had formed. They would soon disappear as though they never existed.

Noelle let her eyes roam over Andy, taking in the sight of her to make sure she was as unharmed as she said she was when Noelle bundled her into the back of the squad car.

She seemed fine, her tough exterior shining resiliently through her expression. She even flicked her hair defiantly now that her hands were free of their restraints, a sign that she was a little on edge.

"Sit" Noelle nodded towards the chair on Andy's side of the room.

"I'm fine, I just need to go home and sleep" came Andy's reply as she looked Noelle square in the eyes.

"We need to talk, so sit, because its not what you think" Noelle said as she folded her arms.

Andy reluctantly took hold of the back of the chair and dragged it out from its resting place under the table, allowing its legs to scrape slightly as in moved across the floor.

Noelle followed her actions, mirroring them as she sat opposite her, elbows up on the table.

*******okay, so let me know what you think in another one of those awesome thoughts you leave by using the little box underneath here - .͡▹**

**Have an awesome day!**

**Jelly Bean Jenna©**


	2. Listless

**Thanks for all the awesome reviews & follows & the compliments! You guys know how to make my day, & I have the best readers in the whole Fanfiction Fandom!**

**As always thanks to the regulars!**

**Special thanks to Kelly2727 as always for being so awesome!**

**Thanks to Mahtra for awesomely taking a sneak peek & shadowing!**

**If you're a newbie, welcome to my world, seen a lot of new names pop up, so hope you will enjoy!**

*******Trying something new here, a bit of sign language, will be a little bit & easy to follow with the signing in _Italics_, if its hard to follow let me know, & I'll find another way of signaling it!**

**Disclaimer; Nope don't own it, if I did it would be on non-stop! I only own the plot to this & all the mistakes!**

**Chapter 2- Listless**

Noelle took a deep breath as she leaned back in her chair, her hands intertwined together as they rested on the table, Andy openly trying to suppress looking in her direction as her eyes found the outer walls of the room rather interesting.

"She's Sammy's new partner, that's all there is to it." Noelle hoped that Andy would see that she meant every word she had just uttered, that was really all there was to it.

"Its none of my business Noelle, he can do what he wants" Andy said looking away before her face betrayed her words as a lie, after she found her gaze glued to Noelle at her words.

"Really? Is that why you look like you just got served the death penalty?". Noelle's tone was harsh as it delivered the words.

They sliced through Andy, not because they were said harshly, but because Noelle was right.

"We're Over, he's ...". Andy couldn't quite find the words to finish the sentence as her mind wondered back to when she was just Sam's partner, before things got complicated.

"Mc ... Andy, look don't start on the wrong foot here, she is Sammy's new partner, that's it. He stands close to her, and they touch when they talk because she's deaf. He's the only one that can understand her when she says a few words, and he's the only one at fifteen that can sign, so they were partnered together".

Noelle watched as a sudden calm washed over Andy as her words left her lips, a small amount of satisfaction flowing through her.

"What?" Andy's face scrunched up a little, a clear sign that she was surprised.

"Sarah, Sammy's sister is deaf, it was kind of a logical paring".

Wow, that was a bit of a shocker.

Andy had never met Sarah, just heard a few stories from Sam who really didn't like to divulge anything on his own.

"I didn't...".

"Didn't know that? No-one does, well a few of us do, but we go way back. Look Andy, life is no different from when you left. Its just less complicated, just work with that?". Noelle had her eyebrows raised, a smile baring her dimple on the left side.

Andy wasn't sure where this Noelle was coming from, but she was even more awesome than the previous, tougher Noelle.

The door to the interrogation room opened, Luke and an unfamiliar face stepping into the room, a video camera clutched in the strangers hand.

"Ready for de-briefing?". Luke had this look on his face, like he was infatuated by the sight of her.

"Yeah, let's just get it over with, I want to go home and sleep for a week". Andy sighed as she looked towards the face of the unknown man, encased under a crop of sandy brown shaggy hair.

She hated cameras in all shapes and sizes and preferred to stand behind one and snap the shot rather than be in front of the lens and in the shot.

But that was a given choice, right now it was a compelled consequence of being UC.

"Okay, McNally, Kovak. Kovak McNally. Lets get started" Luke sputtered out not missing the fact that the detective from Guns and Gangs was eyeing Andy's legs almost as much as he himself was as he attempted to make courteous introductions.

Two hours later Andy had been debriefed and found herself in the familiar surroundings of the locker room, her head stuck in her open locker, the room empty except for her presence, until she heard the door creek open quietly almost as if the intruder thought that any loud noise would startle her.

Turning around, Andy came to face Sam as he hovered just inside the doorway of the room, an action so familiar. Yet this time it seemed far out of place, unnatural.

"Hey". Sam managed to find his voice, something that seemed struck away when she first appeared, as his hand moved around to rub the back of his head.

"Hi". A flash of the bright smile accompanied the single syllable.

"So you're back".

Andy resisted the urge to roll her eyes at his obvious statement, as though he needed to hear the words in confirmation from his own mouth.

"Yeah". Andy was reserved, holding her incessant babbling back, this time without a struggle.

"Hear you did good". Sam didn't wait for more of a response from her, almost like he sensed that she was holding back. His lips curved into a crooked smile, making Andy's eyes meet the floor, embarrassment flooding her cheeks.

Damn him and the effect he still so blatantly had on her.

"Hear you made detective" Andy replied as she lifted her head, before adding a "congratulations Sam" as her smile widened.

Sam heard the pride emanate in her voice through her words, making him wonder if it was always something she had wanted for him. The thought made his mind flow to the possibility that she might understand why he did it.

Why he had decided to take the detectives test and move to that rotation instead of working the streets. Would she understand?

"So …" Andy noticed that Sam had moved close enough that she could smell the scent of the gum he had recently chewed, as it flooded her sense of smell mingling with his scent, one that could only be defined as Sam.

The door to the locker room opened again and Luke sauntered into the room, as his voice flowed freely "Andy, ready to go?"

Andy stepped backwards, away from Sam before turning to close her locker door, and turned to find Luke standing closer to her than Sam had been.

"Yeah" Andy mumbled out as she silently cursed Luke and the universe for interrupting the moment she had been looking forward to for the last six months.

Luke had offered her a ride home knowing that everyone else had left already because shift had ended a while ago, so Andy took him up on the offer, not expecting Sam to actually come anywhere near her.

Not after how they parted ways six months ago.

If she had the slightest inclination that he would, she wouldn't have told Luke yes with an aggravated 'S' on the end knowing she was out of other options.

Sam watched as Andy walked out the room, her steps halting as she came to stand in front of him, turned her head up just a fraction to seek his eyes out with her own, before she dropped her gaze resigned, swallowed the words that lingered on the tip of her tongue, and walked away.

Sam stood in the hallway watching as Andy's hair billowed around in the air as Luke opened the door to the parking lot and Andy stepped out into the windy night air, just as a familiar smell wafted towards him at the sudden shift in air.

Turning around he saw Shay standing with her arms over her chest, a bemused look crossing her face as she leaned around Sam to see what had captured his attention.

_'That's her_!' Shay signed, her hands moving at an incredible pace.

Sam nodded, figuring there was no use in lying, she'd meet Andy soon anyway, and he was sure she had been politely told the stories of Sam and the Phantom McNally.

_'Why'd you let her walk away?'_

_'Its what she does_.' Sam replied hoping it would satisfy the incredibly curious streak the woman had.

_'So why don't you chase her?' _

Shay had a disapproving look in her eyes as she narrowed them, trying to fathom why he wouldn't chase after something he so obviously wanted.

_'Because I let her walk away.'_

Sam's hands were slower in signing his reply, as though he was trying to justify the excuse he had just made.

_'That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard Sam, the only reason she walks away is because she wants you to chase her, she wants you to fight for her, but you just let her go. She won't do it forever you know.'_

Shay let her hands fall to her side, the repeated rapid motions making her need to return the blood flow to them, as she looked back towards the now closed door, her subtle hint about Callaghan not all that subtle.

_'We have history, bad history ...'_

_'You totally suck at making excuses, I've know you all of four months, and even I can see that, so maybe ... I don't know, chase her?'_

Sam watched Shay as her mind made its own assumptions, the correct assumptions, while she stood there scowling, unimpressed by his tendency to back off when she had only ever seen him charge full steam ahead.

Sam let his gaze sweep over to the door that Andy and Luke had left through moments ago, before he felt a hand on his shoulder, urging him forward. Shay was urging him to go, maybe she was right, maybe he should.

Andy heard Luke ramble on as he drove, his words fading to a collection of noise and grunts as she paid absolutely no attention to what he was actually saying. She was more than thankful when he finally pulled up outside her condo, her hand reaching for the door handle the second the tire's stopped rolling, before snapping loose her seatbelt as she tugged on her duffle bag that she thankfully kept on her lap.

"Thanks for the ride" she said, flashing a smile before opening the door.

"Andy …" Luke tried to call her back as he watched her close the door and walk into the building, a heavily huffed breath filling the interior of the car as he realized she probably just wanted some sleep.

Andy was surprised to find her condo spotless, six months of dust merely a figment of her imagination.

Resting on the kitchen counter was a rather large pot plant, a plastic needle sticking out the middle, a tiny white envelope stuck between its fork.

Smiling Andy dropped her bag, letting it thud loudly to the floor as she moved to pull the card free of its restraints. Prying open the envelope she saw Gail's scrawl grace the inside of the card 'Thank you' it read.

The plants leaves were warm shades of green, lighter where the new leaves began to sprout out, indicating that it had recently been given water because it was healthy and growing, so Andy assumed Gail had been keeping an eye on the condo and vacating the dust before it became part of the furniture.

The condo smelled Musty, so Andy moved to open a few windows, as a note caught her eye, the white paper stuck to the fridge by a sunflower magnet.

'Feed me Seymour'.

Andy laughed at Traci's wicked sense of humor, the little shop of horrors saying hovering in ink, stuck to the fridge. Andy opened the fridge to find long life milk nestled away on the shelf along with some fresh juice and cheese, bacon, tomato's and an apple. A fresh loaf of bread and eggs on the counter next to the fridge.

A note under the apple caught Andy's attention as she was about to close the fridge door, lifting it out with the apple, as she took a bite through the sweet green skin she read the words.

'Thought you might need feeding after de-briefing, call me tomorrow. Love T'

Today's date was hastily scrawled under that, with a P.s. 'Frozen pizza in the freezer' next to it.

Andy smiled, Traci was just like the mother type to everyone in her life, something Andy cherished.

Taking another bite of her apple, Andy resumed her task of opening windows, and checking mail, finding nothing worth reading, as she restlessly moved through the rooms.

The air around her made her skin tingle as the cool breeze blew in and surrounded her. The noise of a few passing cars and a dog barking in the distance made the silence ebb away as the passing vehicles lights flickered on the other side of the curtains, brightening the dim light of the glow the streetlight outside her window cast over her balcony. The reason she bought this condo was the balcony.

Her need for fresh air and sunshine in a stuffy life was the buying factor.

Andy whirled around the room, focusing from one point to another, her eyes seeing every object before them, but not really taking them in, as her mind swayed and shifted restlessly.

She'd been used to Nick for company in a stuffy one bedroom apartment, on the corner of a main road, her own condo nestled on a side street vast in difference as the sounds of night carried only the darkness as the world washed away into its dreams and nightmares.

Now alone in her own spacious condo, she felt alone and it felt wrong.

Her over-tiredness seemed to flow out of her as she kicked off her heels, releasing her feet from the uncomfortable height they had been strapped into for endless hours. As her feet hit the floor, Andy let out a contented sigh as the cool wooden floor allowed her to feel the ground beneath her feet.

If this was what coming home was like it actually sucked.

Andy found her lip caught between her teeth, as she unconsciously somehow managed to find her phone in her hand, it having been taken out of her bag from when she retrieved it out her locker, the battery way past dead and the software probably outdated after being left off for six months.

Andy found herself putting it on charge, staring at the dark screen and letting out a long slow breath as she waited for it to light up saying it was charging. Which took a while to happen.

Eventually when it did, Andy contemplated a shower before calling someone to fill the missing gap that currently filled her life.

Who would she call?

Nick was probably busy trying to get Gail to forgive him for running away on her again. Traci was probably spending quality time with Leo.

She could always call Sam ... Like that would ever happen after all the times she tried to call him and he left the calls unanswered.

Andy watched as she turned her phone on to find it start up and leave messages of Eighty-One missed calls, followed by sixteen new voice messages.

Wow, someone had been missing her.

Deciding to listen later, Andy put her phone down to charge as she found her feet padding towards the bathroom, the shower now screaming her name.

Just as she reached the bathroom door, Andy made a one-eighty degree turn and headed back towards the front door as someone found the need to pound on it.

Halfway down the hall, the strong decisive first knock resounded as a soft, doubtful knock, as though the person standing on the other side of her door thought that the first one was either too loud and overbearing, or that they were knocking on the door of an empty condo, the tenant having fled again.

Andy peered through the peephole, a soft gasp barely audible to her own ears as the sound of it was lost under the deafening tone of her heart suddenly racing away in her rib cage.

Unlocking the lock and sliding open the dead bolt, she moved her hand to the chain before freeing it too from holding the door locked before she nervously pulled the door open and peeked around the side as she let her lips fumble with a slow smile as she whispered out his name in question.

********Thanks for reading! & who was expecting Marlo?**

*******okay, so let me know what you think in another one of those awesome thoughts you leave by using the little box underneath here - .͡▹**

**Have an awesome day!**

**Jelly Bean Jenna©**


	3. Inexplicable

**As always thanks for all the awesome reviews & fav's & follows!**

**You guys are seriously the best!**

**Thanks to all the Regulars & welcome to the Newbies! **

**Special thanks to Kelly2727 for her awesomeness!**

**Thanks the Mahtra for having a sneak peek & fixing all my mistakes! **

**Disclaimer; Nope don't own it, if I did it would be on non-stop! I only own the plot to this & all the mistakes!**

**Chapter 3- Inexpliacable **

"Sam?"

Sam smiled at her sudden insecurity as she peered from behind the half opened door to let her confused expression at his inexplicable presence sparkle briefly from in her eyes before she covered it up with surprise.

"Thought you could eat, McNally" Sam said holding up a pizza box in one hand and a six pack of beer in the other, flashing his dimples as he waved the items under her nose, the smell of warm, melted cheese and bacon drawing her in like an addict suffering from withdrawal.

Andy nodded and stepped aside, unconsciously pulling down on the dark material of her dress as though she was suddenly aware that she still had her cocktail dress on, even though Sam had already seen her wearing it.

Sam moved over to the kitchen counter as Andy closed the door, still somewhat stuck in awe of his sudden appearance, and put down the pizza and beer with the soft sounds of gentle thuds.

Turning to face Andy, Sam caught the sudden look she had on her face, like she was totally stunned by his presence. It bought back memories of when they first met. Even back then she didn't find him intimidating and let her defiance spill over, a far cry from how she was looking at him now.

"You okay?". Of course he knew what her answer would be even before she said it.

But she surprised him and just nodded instead, keeping the 'I'm fine' locked away.

The moment became tense and awkward, the room shifting to uncomfortable silence as Sam turned back to the pizza box and beer for no apparent reason before looking back at her.

"Thanks". Andy managed to keep her voice strong and solid, no telltale signs in her tone that she was unnerved by his sudden appearance.

"Anytime". Sam said as he moved away from the counter, back into the space of the lounge, adding a little distance between them.

"So, I've gotta go...". He stopped just before adding a 'call me if you need anything', that would surely bring a little more tension to the room, even though he so desperately wanted to say the rest of the sentence.

"Okay?" Andy's sudden questioning answer showed a little curiosity to Sam's sudden need to flee as fast as he had unexpectedly appeared at her door.

Walking towards the door, Sam suddenly stopped and maneuvered around to watch as Andy skidded to a stop, just missing crashing in to him at his sudden detour in movement, by the breath of a hair.

In the heat of the moment Sam had the sudden urge to cut the crap, and just tell her what he came here to say, but seeing her in that instant, looking so vulnerable and uncertain as she visibly restrained herself from physically touching him if they were to collide, Sam lost all his nerve as he swallowed his words.

Memories of the last time he tried voicing the honest truth flashed through his mind in an array of images, the last one being the image of Andy walking away as his truthful words backfired to hell and gone.

Maybe it was fear of the rejection repeating itself, or maybe fear of the unknown, but she had instilled fear into him like no-one else had, ever. None of the enforcers he'd ever worked had been able to get that right, not even Brennan when he had tortured him. Except maybe for when he had first woken up and for a split second thought that Brennan had gotten to Andy.

Then it was fear of life without her in it that nearly drove him insane. Now here, in this moment, the look from that night as he walked out of that farmhouse was back on her face, a mirrored image, tearing his words apart until only silence flowed over his lips.

So he settled with the less obvious, "Glad you're back McNally". Hearing the words as they sounded out, he added "In one piece" wishing he hadn't.

She didn't know it, but she had a way of making him loose the ability to say what he meant although he usually meant what he said.

"Me too". Andy whispered as Sam turned and opened the door before stepping through it, pausing for a split second to look at her and walking away, a lopsided smile firmly on his lips.

Sam sat eyeing the whiskey in his hand, the shade of liquid darker in the dim lights glow.

He went home after leaving Andy's, grabbed a shower and then poured himself a stiff drink to try and figure out what the hell he was doing. He truly had absolutely no idea.

Andy had consumed his thoughts from the minute she slammed him face first into the pavement, more recently while she had been gone, her occupation of his mind seemed to intensify.

Almost as much as his stupid mistakes did.

Even then he had spent hours over drinks trying to figure out what exactly he was supposed to do, what exactly he wanted, every sum to those equations coming back to the same answer.

Her.

He tried to pinpoint when his life had shifted to wanting something unconditionally, but he couldn't find the single moment that it had happened in.

Desiring someone and wanting them were two totally different entities.

And he was well aware of the fact that the attraction had always been there, but trying to find the single, collective moment where it changed to wanting more, that he hadn't quite figured out yet.

There was no single word, or single occurrence that signaled the start of where things changed, no defining moment, no sparkly lights and fireworks, it was just there.

As though he eased into it blissfully unaware that it was in fact happening.

It was just inexplicable.

He was well aware of the fact that he always watched her, always let his eyes seek her out while trying to keep the fact that he was doing it to a bare minimum, but after Oliver and Noelle started passing comments, he knew he was failing to maintain his expressionless face if they had started to notice.

The day she was stuck in the burnt out laundromat should have clued him in. He had felt the sudden urge to punch Oliver in the face for letting her go in there in the first place. But by then there was no time left to ponder his feelings.

Reigning in his panic and more importantly getting her out of there alive had taken top priority.

From there on out, things just WERE. And his biggest desire - to have her and keep her - just became so overpowering that he somehow lost sight of what she wanted or needed.

Taking another sip of his Scotch, Sam let it slide over his lips as the liquid's warmth could be felt burning all the way down to his stomach, his familiar way of forgetting.

He had been trying to forget what he had done to her, to himself; how badly he had put her through the ringer, destroying whatever it was that she felt for him.

He tried to forget how she had so desperately tried to bridge the gap he had so forcefully injected between them. When he left her standing in the rain outside the Penny, when she tried calling and was so heatedly fighting to work on them and when he so coldly walked away shutting her out before she could wreck any more havoc on his heart.

Thinking about it now, she had tried so hard to get him to stand still and close enough to listen back then, close enough to work on it.

When she was with Callaghan, she had simply let it go, and moved away. And then Callaghan had tried to fix it and beg for forgiveness, after he had betrayed her and broken her heart just as Sam had, only in different ways.

Sam had really screwed it up, and rushing over there the minute she set foot back into her own life and doing the same thing all over again, doing the thing that had caused her to run UC in the first place, that was just stupid.

Andy's eyes stared at the empty space on the other side of the doorway, the space Sam had just vacated, long after he had left. His behavior a little out of character, but comforting in the sense that he was sort of still there ... in her life.

Closing and re-locking the door, Andy moved to the pizza box, lifted the lid and let the delicious aroma assault her senses.

Andy noticed that the pizza was their usual order, half no olives with avocado, the other extra olives and green pepper.

Lifting a slice and letting it find her mouth, Andy wondered if Sam ordered it out of habit, or if he had considered staying, if he had put all those olives on there, and knew she wouldn't touch them.

Yuk.

The thought rolled around in her mind, as her teeth sunk into the slice, a little bit of heaven sweeping over her taste buds as she began to chew.

He was just so confusing, so frustrating.

All his pushing and pulling was giving her a clear indication of what whiplash felt like.

Her time away did little to remove him from her dreams, her regrets, her deep need to have him in her life, making her to hold back the words and questions she had the second he stepped into the locker room.

Andy couldn't help but wonder if they would have spilled out, if Luke didn't find his way into the room at the worst time possible. The desire to free them outweighed by the need to have him there, even if it meant that he wasn't hers to have, kept her from blurting them out.

Noelle had said that life was less complicated, but how exactly was that supposed to be less complicated if Sam still found it so easy to walk away.

When she knew that he saw her need to say the words that she just found it easier to hold back?

Over the next few days Andy went to see her dad and sort out a few overdue bills that seemed to somehow get skipped while she was gone.

She aired out her condo, and did a whole heap of washing, ridding her clothes of the musty smell they seemed to gather from hanging dormant for such a long time.

Monday Andy was supposed to be back on duty, looking forward to getting some kind of normal back in her life.

Hours spent with Traci had clued her in on the fact that Chris took a transfer, just to have a fighting chance at making a life with his now ready made family.

Gail had taken a while to become her normal self after Nick made a rather hasty departure. She stayed in Andy's condo for four months before finally getting her own place and stepping forwards and getting herself together.

Dov had a tough time, he struggled getting over shooting the kid and after he split with Sue he took a months leave of absence to get himself together.

Oliver moved home, and spent less time at the Penny, working on his marriage and saving his family being more important than staying after shift to have drinks with friends.

Then after several glass of wine Traci had carefully approached the subject of Sam. And Shay.

Telling Andy that Shay was really quite awesome had been the easy part, getting her to believe it, well that was another story.

Traci briefly grazed over the subject of Sam waiting at the Penny the night Andy left. How he never gave up the hope that Andy would eventually show up, until Liam kicked a not so sober Sam and very sober Nash out the door.

She let slip how Sam seemed to immerse himself in work when he was there, then loose himself at the Penny when Traci watched him drink to forget.

Traci dropped that subject as quickly as it had arisen, defecting it to her favorite subject: Leo.

Andy would have to wait and see how things had changed, how Sam had changed on her own, and how his choices were meant for her.

Andy finally looked at Traci, just as she was leaving, remorse filling her face when she apologized for skipping out on her and Leo so soon after Jerry died.

Traci had smiled and pulled Andy into a hug whispering "I get why you did it, if I didn't turn it down you would have stayed, but I couldn't leave Leo, not then, not ever. You made the right choice for you for once, and although I didn't get it then and I was kinda pissed about it, I get it now and I'm proud of you". Words only true friendship could say.

And Traci really did get it, like Sam worked and drank to forget, Andy ran to forget, but she ran to heal too.

Monday morning found Parade to be the normal welcome back for Nick and Andy, a round of applause and whistles filling the room as Andy and Nick were announced back from UC, even though everyone had already seen them.

Sam let his smile show when it was announced, his obvious pride evident on his face.

Assignments were passed out, Nick on patrol as a TO and Andy assigned to Detective assistance, causing a little quickening of her heart rate as she wondered if she would be working with Sam.

Only to have it come to an agitated stop when Frank added "Callaghan requested it. So sorry McNally, no patrol for you this week". Andy stared at Luke as he shrugged, wishing she could wipe that smug smile off his face.

Sam watched as Andy sighed and cast a wayward glance towards Callaghan, a look of irritation bare for all to see as her brows furrow downwards.

Andy spun around as soon as she was out of her chair, every intention of racing for the muddy excuse they had for coffee when sudden movement in front of her caught her attention, causing her to stop in her tracks.

Sam bit back the urge to crack a grin at Andy's facial expression as Shay stopped in front of her pulling Sam towards them by the sleeve of his shirt just as he intended to walk away.

''_Hi, I'm Shay, nice to finally meet you"_

Andy watched in amazement at the fluid motions the woman's hands made as Sam's voice suddenly spoke, causing Andy to look uncomfortable between glancing at Sam and Shay as she tried to decide who should have her full attention.

"Hi ... I'm Andy" Andy finally stammered after recovering and focusing her attention on Shay.

_"I've been waiting to meet the infamous Officer McNally for some time now"._ Sam said as he watched Shay's hand move though the air.

The woman's words causing Andy to let out a giggle before responding. "Let me guess ...".

Noticing Sam's hands to be still Andy cut her words short to look at him before he suddenly spoke as if he understood her perfectly "Shay reads lips so she can understand as long as you look at her and speak slowly".

Andy smiled and nodded before turning her attention back to Shay.

"I guess they told you all the bad things?".

Shay's hands moved as a smile fell over her face.

_"Only the really bad highlights". _Sam's lips twitched up in amusement at her statement as he spoke.

He watched Andy's blush creep up her cheeks, as she resisted the urge to look down or look away trying to keep from being rude to Shay.

"Oh I bet they have". Andy managed to let out before biting her lip.

Shay's hands danced around as Sam stared at them before suddenly lifting his and moving them around in response.

Andy watched his hands, losing herself in a sight that was so mesmerizing she might have forgotten to breath at one stage.

Shay and Sam seemed to be having some kind of heated discussion, Andy completely in the dark as she let her eyes shift between them.

"No". Sam suddenly blurted out, Andy flinched as she heard the loud sound come from his mouth suddenly through the silence.

"Sam ... What's she saying?".

There it was, McNally's curious streak shining through.

"She wants me to say something and I won't. So she didn't say anything ... Just forget it". Sam looked between them before side stepping them and leaving the room, leaving them alone in the empty room, silence surrounding them as their ability to communicate walked away with Sam.

Just as Sam expected Andy was hot on his heels as she followed him through the barn all the way into his office, before slamming the door behind her.

"That was rude Sam!". Her tone had an edge to it, telling Sam that she did not appreciate the fact that he left them stranded.

"Yeah well sorry McNally ...".

"You're sorry? Sam she tried to make the effort to talk to me and you just left her there ... ".

Andy stopped her words right there, keeping the 'and me' in her head where it was muted from his ears.

"What did she want you to say?". Andy wanted to know why he walked away, refusing such an open request to say something for someone who couldn't.

"It doesn't matter McNally". Sam looked away, his tongue playing with the inside of his cheek in frustration.

"You're right ... It doesn't matter Swarek". Andy said out in a really soft tone, since he was back to McNally, she could go back to Swarek.

Right?

Sam's head snapped up at the use of his surname in time to see Andy yank open the door and stalk away.

Smooth Sammy his heart screamed as he watched her walk past his office windows in time to see her glare at him through the glass.

But there was no way he was repeating a word Shay had said. If that forced the gap to widen between them, then for now that was all there was going to be.

He was no where near ready to have that conversation, especially not through a third party.

*******okay, so let me know what you think in another one of those awesome thoughts you leave by using the little box underneath here - .͡▹**

**Have an awesome day!**

**Jelly Bean Jenna©**


	4. Burn Baby, Burn

**Wow, you guys know how to impress! Thanks for all the awesome reviews & for making my day!**

**Thanks to the regulars that make it worth it & Kelly2727 for all her awesomeness!**

**Thanks to Mahtra again for her awesome shadowing!**

**Chapter 4- Burn Baby, Burn!**

Shift passed by quickly enough for Andy to forget Sam's blatant refusal to translate a few simple words. Luke kept her busy pulling cold case files in the hopes of finding a link between a series of murders that happened ten years ago and then suddenly seemed to be re-appearing now.

Andy looked up when Luke's office door opened, the smell of food drawing her in as she remembered that she hadn't eaten since breakfast before work.

Luke walked in waving the brown paper bag around, his eyebrows jumping up and down as he moved to set a cup holder down in front of her as she flipped the file closed and pushed it out of the way.

"Wow is it that late?" Andy said finding the time to be a little after nine pm. Her shift had ended two hours ago but she had been so engrossed in her work, that she hadn't even heard the night shift coming in.

"Yeah, thought you could use a little food". Luke put a bag down in front of her, retrieving small white boxes and chopsticks from it, before handing them over to her.

"And a milkshake". Luke added setting a large styrofoam cup down in front of her.

"You got me a milkshake?" Andy couldn't help but throw her head back just a little as she let out a loud giggle.

Cops and milkshakes? That just sounded so wrong in her head.

Sam was just about to leave when he saw her, letting out a laugh that no doubt sounded throughout the entire room.

She looked happy, the animosity she may have once felt towards Callaghan seemed to have faded and been replaced by something else.

A smile.

A laugh.

Sam stood watching as she took hold of her chopsticks and pointed them towards Callaghan as her free hand pried open the lid of the box in front of her, her lips moving as she spoke with a smile.

Andy seemed at ease in Callaghan's presence, a clear sign that above all else she had forgiven him for what he had done.

Or at least, didn't hold a grudge.

The next few days went by much the same, Andy helping Luke go through hundreds of files looking for a single connection and Sam taking notice of how much time Callaghan was spending with Andy - at work.

Late night dinners in Luke's office, hovering over files were not going unnoticed by him either.

Andy would scramble out of parade in the mornings, her head kept down if Sam was anywhere near the door, so he moved to the corner of the room.

If he ran into her at the coffee jugs in the break room, she would smile curtly before attempting to make the worlds fastest cups of coffee. Leaving him behind to study her retreating form as she took Callaghan his coffee.

Today was their last day shift. They had three days off before switching to nights, so Sam found himself at the Penny, happy that Shay had decided to join him for once.

Twenty minutes after their arrival, halfway through their first drink, the door opened and Andy walked in followed closely by Callaghan.

Sam shifted his eyes to his beer before he felt Shay's hand tap his arm to get his attention.

_'You're losing her Sammy'. _ She signed when his eyes finally found hers.

_'She wasn't mine to loose'_ Sam's response came without any hesitation causing Shay to glance from Sam to Andy and back again.

_'Really? So that's why you keep watching her, and she keeps looking at you like she has a whole lot to say but doesn't know how to?'_

_'Its just complicated Shay, they have history too...'_ Sam had no idea why he just said that.

_'And a future, too Sam. What's holding you back?'_ Shay took a sip of her wine the second her hands stopped their motions, as if her movements had made her thirsty.

_'I don't know'._ He was brutally honest with that answer, so was he with the _'I have no idea'_. that followed.

Sam should have known better than to think that anything would slip past Shay. Same as with Sarah, their lack of hearing making them more observant and more in tune with peoples body language than the average person. Just like Sarah too, Shay wasn't shy to cut the crap and just head straight into whatever it was she wanted to say.

Andy took a seat at a table in the far corner while Luke moved over to the bar to order drinks.

Sam chose that moment to get up and walk towards the men's rooms, his new partner not missing the glance he passed towards Andy when he moved past her table.

His gaze just seemed so longing.

Liam was busy mixing cocktails for a crowd at the end of the bar, signaling to Luke that he'd be there soon.

Shay slid off her chair, rummaged in her bag, grabbed a napkin from the stack piled on the bar counter and moved towards Andy, sliding up onto the chair next to her brandishing a smile.

Shay scribbled on the napkin and passed it towards Andy, letting it slide over the surface of the wooden table as Andy returned her smile.

_'Hi.'_ Shay had written.

"Hey". Andy said, Shay moving her hand out to turn Andy's face a little to the left towards the light so she could get a better view of her lips.

Andy swiped the napkin back across the table towards Shay, who took it as a sign to carry on the conversation.

_'How's it feel to be back? Heard you did good.' _Andy watched as Shay seemed to write faster than the average person.

"Its good to be home...I missed it". A sad smile came over Andy's face as she obviously remembered something that tugged at her heart strings.

_'Everyone here missed you, I've heard all the stories.' _

"Like I said, all the bad ones?". Andy giggled a little at repeating the conversation they had before.

_'Only the good ones.'_ Shay slid the note over, held up her finger and slipped off the chair, grabbed her drink, a pile of napkins and returned to her seat at Andy's table.

As Shay looked up, she found Andy wearing a huge smile as she looked at her drink.

_'And that smile?'_ Shay didn't know Andy well enough to know any reasons that would cause her to flash such a huge smile.

"The song". Andy said as she looked a little to the left to make sure her lips caught the light.

_'What is it?'_ Andy read Shay's note before speaking again.

"Mumford and Sons, I'll wait for you".

Shay stared at Andy before letting her handwriting fill up the white space of the napkin.

_'Don't understand?' _

Andy took the napkin and wrote the words she had just said down.

Andy first heard the song a day or so after her return home, and just fell in love with it. It was kind of her style, but sort of border-line country, just a little funkier.

_'What does it sound like?'_

Sam came around the corner to see Shay gone from her seat next to his at the bar. When he stepped past the wall, he froze at the sight that met his eyes.

Andy hand put Shay's hand on her knee as she tapped her foot on the footrest of her bar stool, her hand tapping the top of Shay's lightly as her mouth moved in time to the music.

Andy was sharing the song with Shay who had no idea of what it sounded like, the only way she knew how, letting her feel the beat through her.

Sam watched as Shay's face had the biggest smile he had ever seen on it, so he held back and let them share the moment, staying in the shadows until the song ended and another began.

Finally getting their drinks from Liam, Luke joined Shay and Andy at the table.

While Sam remained sitting on his own at the bar, happy to occupy his usual seat in solitude.

Shay and Andy continued to write and talk, the marked napkins piling high as Shay asked what it was like to be undercover, while Andy quizzed her on what it was like to be a detective at fifteen.

Luke sat back in silence and watched the women converse so unconventionally while they laughed and sipped on their drinks.

When his was done, Luke moved over to whisper in Andy's ear, as if he meant the words to be private.

Andy looked at Shay, a remorseful look on her face.

_'Don't go yet, I can take you home?'_ Shay's face looked hopeful as she slid the napkin across to Andy, Luke leaning in to read what she had written.

Shay watched as Luke said something to which Andy replied, to have Luke say something again and Andy shook her head before biting words out as Luke stood up and left rather abruptly.

_'Sorry, I didn't mean to...'_ Shay hastily scribbled as Andy watched Luke storm out the door.

"You didn't" Andy said as soon as she turned to face Shay.

_'You're boyfriend seems kind of possessive.' _

Andy let out a loud laugh at reading the words, before she replied "He's not my boyfriend".

_'Sure looks like he is, to me and everyone else.'_ Shay let her gaze drift to Sam, who was sitting facing the bar, avoiding looking in their direction even though he saw Callaghan leave rather unimpressed.

Sam motioned to Liam to get them a round, and took the drinks over as soon as Liam put them down in front of him, Andy whispering a soft thank you as Shay smiled up at him.

As Sam turned to leave back to his seat Shay stopped him, her hands going through the familiar motions of saying whatever it was she felt the need to say.

Sam shook his head at whatever Shay had signed, a passive look crossing his face as he looked towards Andy and back at Shay.

_'Sam join us?'_ Shay had asked.

_'Nope, you guys enjoy the girl time'_ Sam politely declined.

_'He's not her boyfriend - yet'_. If Shay could talk like the average person, Sam had no doubt in his mind that she would be the blurty type.

_'I never asked'_. Sam couldn't come up with an answer other than that.

_'You didn't have to. He's not coming back, so you can really move over here'._

_'And you know this because...?'_

_'I'm taking her home'._ Shay had a smile on her face that caused it to light up at her own words.

She was truly lost in the moment with Andy. Struggling to communicate with everyone had made most people at fifteen impatient when it came to trying to carry a conversation with Shay. Except Nash, Noelle and surprisingly enough, Peck who seemed to have more patience than Sam thought she possessed.

_'You live on the other side of town'._ Sam looked back at Andy who was watching them intently, absorbing their hands visually as though they were creating works of art in the air.

_'I know where I live Sam, but ... you don't'_

Ah, the truth spelled out in words as Sam watched Shay drop the less than subtle hint of exactly where she planned on this going.

_'You're playing with fire Shay'_. Sam's expression moved to one that was rather unreadable to Andy, so she automatically assumed that Shay said something that Sam did not approve of.

_'And you're begging to get burned Sam'_. Shay said before turning her attention back to Andy who had a bit of a lost expression on her face before reaching for the pen as she wrote on another napkin.

_'Has he always been so rude?'_

Shay's remark more than question caused Andy to stifle a giggle as she read it, causing Sam to squeeze in between them in an attempt to read what Shay had written.

But before he could succeed, Andy had swept the napkin out of his view and folded it up in her hand away from his eyes, while Sam was giving her a smirk in response.

"Yes". Andy giggled out as Shay's face lit up at Andy's happiness.

Sam held his arms up in defeat, as he stepped backwards, his lips tugging up in a crooked smile as he back stepped towards his seat at the bar.

Shay and Andy continued their conversation, fits of Andy's giggles drifting through the air between the din of drinkers and music that filled the Penny.

After a third glass of wine, Shay watched as Andy pointed towards the ladies room before disappearing out of sight. After Andy walked away, Shay hastily scribbled a note on the napkin, folded it and left it under Andy's glass, grabbed her bag and walked over to Sam, saying a hasty goodnight she bolted for the door before Andy came back and before Sam had a chance to respond and stop her when his mind finally caught up with her hands.

Stepping through the Penny's door Shay paused for just a second to look back at Sam who was looking over his shoulder at her shaking his head, as his smile bared dimples at her pulling a fast one on him.

Andy came out the ladies room to find Sam leaning with his elbow on their table, while Say was nowhere to be seen

Letting out a sigh Andy made her way over, stopping in front of Sam, her hands unscrupulously filling her jeans back pockets.

"She had to leave". Sam said noticing her presence even before she was near him.

"Oh". Andy said looking towards the bar and back at Sam.

"You want to finish that first?". Sam said nodding towards her half full glass as he stood up straight.

"Yeah sure". Andy said as she rounded Sam to take residence on her seat noticing that he still had a really full beer too.

Sam sat opposite Andy, who looked like a really frightened dear caught in the headlights, as she moved both hands to hold her glass as though the motion would keep her from sliding off her chair.

Noticing the folded napkin under her beer, Andy lifted the glass up and cautiously pulled the napkin out, unfolded it and let her eyes take in the words.

Without realizing it she let out a stupendous giggle, one that made her eyes mist up at the same time, then she drew in a deep breath, folded the napkin and shoved it into her pocket.

Sam lifted an eyebrow at Andy's sudden blush that accompanied her sigh as she seemed to settle her eyes on him, and take note that he was actually sitting right across from her watching.

"Its nothing". Andy suddenly blurted before taking a sip of her beer as her eyes shifted around the room.

"Really?". Sam couldn't resist, if she was opening the doorway to conversation he would defiantly take the opportunity.

"Yeah totally". Andy had one of those smiles on her lips, the ones that melted Sam and made him remember all the tiny things about her that he just totally adored.

Like when she would flick her fringe out of her eyes if she was biting back words when he was harsh on her. When she would try and hide the giggle that threatened to break free because they were called out to a scene that was a result of pure stupidity, or the fact that someone was a total moron.

How she would pout in her sleep, or actually talk, her words sometimes incoherent, other times fully audible.

How she would take ...

"... a word I just said?" Her voice suddenly broke through the invisible fog that seemed to wrap around him, encasing him in his own bubble of thought.

"I'm sorry what?". Sam was well aware that he was wearing a confused mask, and possibly one of embarrassment at actually being caught in a daze about her, by her.

"I said you can leave if you're ready. I'll just catch a cab ..."

Andy looked towards Sam's beer clutched in his hand. He lifted it only to realize that it had run dry.

She really had a way of making him get so wrapped up in her that he wasn't even on the planet.

"A cab?". Sam's voice sounded stressed as he repeated the only words he had actually focused on, bad memories making their presence known.

"No! Andy, no cabs! I'll take you home". Sam's mood shifted to really obscure in front of Andy's eyes at the mention of the word cab. Not that she could really blame him, it was just kind of sudden and unexpected.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean..." Andy slipped off the chair, her hand reaching out for her bag strapped across the vacant chair next to her as she stepped away, heading straight for the door and out into the cool windy night air.

Sam followed suite, cursing himself for letting his temper get the better of him, when he wasn't that person anymore.

That person, the one that was angry, the one that was distant and cold walked away the minute he saw Andy holding the grenade.

That person was not who he really was, or someone he ever wanted to be again.

"Andy ..." Sam called out as he noticed Andy racing across the parking lot.

Hearing her name called, she slowed down and spun around. Sam could see just then that a shiver ran through her as the cold air sank its relentless claws into her through the thin material of the sweater she had on.

The sudden chill in temperature signaled a storm brewing off in the distance. A telltale sign that the rainy autumn neared, every cops dream season for hours of traffic duty and accidents.

Without hesitation, Sam shrugged off his jacket and held it out to her, hesitation only on her part as she remained standing still, not reaching out towards it.

"Take the jacket" Sam's tone not forceful, just withered in a hint of demand.

"Thanks". Andy smiled, her hand slithering out to take the familiar jacket as she let her bag come to rest on the tar of the parking lot floor.

"The thing about the cab? I didn't ...". Andy and her apologies sometimes had Sam's nerves on edge, especially when there was no need for her to apologize.

"Its fine McNally, I just don't like the thought ... It's just creepy, okay?" Sam realized the words about to be released where not going to help the moment, so he left them out in the cold, along with the wind that swept around them as he opened the truck door for Andy to find warmth inside it.

Andy stared out the window as Sam drove her home.

The action yet another familiar one that seemed to be on a tilted axis at the moment, as if it was wrong or out of place.

Sam pulled up outside her condo, Andy's hand reaching for the door handle, while the other pulled on his jacket attempting to climb out of it in the small confines of the truck.

"Keep it". Sam said nodding vaguely in the direction of the jacket.

Andy smiled, instead pulling it closed before reaching for her seatbelt.

"Uh, thanks and thanks for the ride Sam". Andy found herself smiling as she pulled the door handle open to let the door swing open.

"Anytime McNally". Sam meant it too.

Sam watched as Andy closed the door and walked away, until she was finally out of sight. He lingered a while longer, waiting for her lights to go on, knowing that she was safely tucked away inside.

It was different this time as he watched her walk away, maybe because deep down he know she'd still be here tomorrow ...

********Thanks for reading!**

*******okay, so let me know what you think in another one of those awesome thoughts you leave by using the little box underneath here - .͡▹**

**Have an awesome day!**

**Jelly Bean Jenna©**


	5. Insanity

**Hi everyone, sorry for the slow updates, work was chaos & had family in the hospital so I slept out to babysit & then my cars tires & rims were stolen, so had to spend an entire day with the cops & shopping for new ones. **

**Anyway, thanks for all the awesome reviews, alerts, follows and fav's & PM's! They make my day, so don't forget to leave some more when you're done!**

**Thanks to Kelly2727 & all the regulars, welcome if you're a newbie!**

**Thanks to Mahtra for shadowing! **

**Chapter 5- Insanity**

Andy walked into her condo, the smell of Sam still enveloping her as it emanated from his jacket.

The smell caused memories to course through her as Sam drove her home rendering her speechless for fear of blurting out the wrong thing at the time.

She had already managed to damage the conversation by mentioning the word cab without thinking it would still have such a strong impact on him after all this time.

The thoughts running through her mind caused a twinge of guilt and regret to run through her veins. The past had been hard on all of them, but now Traci seemed stronger, and Sam seemed calmer.

They both seemed to have let go and moved on from the bad places they had been in before Andy left.

Andy padded through her condo heading for the bathroom, Sam's jacket bringing back happy memories, her heart tilting slightly thinking about what she had lost.

Just before slipping it off, Andy remembered Shay's last scribbled napkin, and pulled it out of her pocket. Folding it open she re-read the words before dropping in into her bedside drawer, not quite getting why Shay would have written 'He's still waiting for you' to her on a napkin.

Andy spent the next day with her dad, catching up on the things that she had missed in his life while she was gone. His eyes gleamed with pride every time he looked at her, untold words telling her that no matter what her choice had been, or why she had done it, in her dad's eyes it was the right one.

He was proud.

Saturday dawned on them as quickly as Friday had subsided, Andy having no real plans for the day. By ten past eight in the morning, Andy was dressed and ready to go for a run, enjoy the morning fresh air while she could before the sun would become a meamory and the dreaded autumn storms would start.

An hour later Andy returned home, her stress having been run out of her as her feet pounded the pavements. Coming around the corner a block down from her condo, Andy found the sight of Sam leaning against his truck while his hands played with his phone rather amusing as he turned and saw her approaching with raised eyebrows.

"Have fun McNally?" Sam couldn't resist taking a poke at her overly red face that told him she had not been keeping up the jogging while she had been UC.

"Funny Sam" Andy huffed out just as she turned and made her way towards the entrance of the building.

A few minutes later, Andy had unlocked her front door, pushed it open and raced straight for the fridge to pry open the door and reach for the bottle of ice cold water that was screaming her name. Andy drank thirstily from the bottle, draining it at least half way before setting it down on the counter next to her.

Suddenly realizing that Sam had probably come to retrieve his jacket, Andy waived her hand towards the fridge, indicating that Sam should get himself something to drink while she back stepped towards her bedroom, deciding against talking in her rather breathless state.

When she came out, Andy found Sam leaned against the kitchen counter, arms crossed as he was clearly waiting for her return.

"Thanks, for you know" Andy said holding it out for him to take.

"I didn't come for the jacket, I actually came for you" Sam said not missing the sudden color that sprang to her cheeks.

"What?" Andy had recovered her breathlessness to relative stability by the time she stepped back into the room, just to have Sam steal it way with his words.

"You've got twenty to get showered and dressed. So get a move on McNally!" Sam said as he watched her face flush once again.

"Sam...?". Andy wasn't quite sure how to phrase the question, so she left it hanging instead.

"Just go get ready". Sam let his dimples flare, knowing she would give in, simply because she still trusted him. In general at least. Even though there was hesitation in her reaction to his words, he knew without a doubt that she trusted him, except in that one tiny little teeny department- but then again that was his own fault.

Andy backed away down the hall, moving towards the bathroom. She really had nothing to fear from Sam, except maybe the fact that she had to keep him at arms length at all times, letting him in was just too risky.

Half an hour later they left Andy's, silence between them, only this time it was a little more comfortable than it had been recently.

Sam watched Andy stare out the window, fighting the urge to ask a million questions as to where they were going as she tugged her lip between her teeth.

Pulling into the parking lot, Sam cut the engine, Andy's head snapping up with her eyebrows reaching for her hairline as she realized where they were.

"Why are we here?" Her voice was edgy, like she was a little nervous.

"We're going shopping." Sam managed with a smile.

"Sam this is a car dealership. You go shopping at malls, not at ..."

"Exactly McNally." Sam said as he saw the lightbulb suddenly light up in Andy's mind.

"You're buying a car?".

Sam let out a soft chuckle at her blatant naivete, she honestly had no clue.

"Nope, but you are" Sam said just seconds before he opened his door, climbed out and walked towards the dealerships front doors.

Andy took a few seconds to let her brain catch up with Sam's words, before she was out the truck and hot on his heels.

"Sssaaammm!". Andy called out on a whispered breath to stop from making way too much noise as they stepped through the doors and onto the showroom floor.

"I'm not buying a car". She whispered as a salesman made his way over to greet them with eyes that looked a lot like dollar signs.

"Hi folks" his southern accent sounding so off key as he rubbed his hands together.

"So what are we looking for?" The salesman added as an afterthought.

"She wants something snazzy and sassy, but slow, like as in grandma slow". Sam said not looking towards Andy as she let out a fit of giggles before bumping shoulders with him.

"He's kidding, we're not looking for anything". Andy said as she tugged on Sam's arm attempting to pull him out the door.

"Give us a minute?". Sam said to the salesman, and waited for him to walk away before turning to face Andy, one eyebrow turned up as his face turned serious.

"Why won't you just buy a damned car?". Sam's tone was winged on annoyance or maybe frustration or maybe a mixture of the two.

"Sam, what makes you think I need to buy a car? I can always get a ride from Traci, or catch a cab ... " Andy realized her mistake the second she said the word cab as Sam's face contorted to a look that resembled physical pain.

"That is exactly why we're buying you a car!". Sam's words were harsh as they were delivered in a whisper.

"Sam, I haven't bought a car, because I can't afford to buy a car. I have a mortgage to pay now too. Being under I saved some money, but I'm not quite there ..." Andy bit back, her voice whispering in its own frustration.

Sam rolled his eyes at her inability to grasp the concept of what he was saying, or what they were doing here.

He was on the verge of yelling out 'No Cabs!' So that she would understand it from his point of view.

He knew that she would only buy a car when she could put down a rather sizable deposit, in order to drop her payments drastically, it was something she had said a while ago, and obviously planned on sticking to, if she hadn't yet actually bought a car.

"McNa ... Andy, you don't get it, we're buying a car, right here, right now. No More Cabs!". Sam's voice was still whispering, although the edge in it had subsided, leaving it softer.

"Sam-... I can't ..."

"Okay, I'll pay the balance, and you can pay me back okay?".

"What? No!".

There was no way she was taking money from Sam, that was just insane!

"Andy, please just get a damned car! If you won't do it for you, then do it for me?". Sam's words caused Andy to swallow any words she may have considered saying n that moment. His tone had smoothed out to almost pleading.

"Please just get a car. I'll lend you the money if I have to, but please just do this? Besides, I won't add on any interest"

Andy stood staring at Sam, left speechless at his determination over such a simple worldly possession.

"Why?" Until that word slipped out, making Sam arch an eyebrow.

"Andy ..."

"Sam, I've always got Traci to give me a ride. So why do I need to buy something I can't really afford?".

She was pushing, not backing down, not backing away, she wanted to hear him say it.

"So I don't have to worry!".

Crap! That wasn't supposed to come out.

The words tumbled out a little more forcefully than he had intended, hanging in the air between them now.

"Okay". Andy whispered looking away.

"Okay?".

"Okay, I'll get a car" Andy whispered again, before casting her eyes to the floor, she really felt like crap.

Sam always held everything back, held everything in. She always had to drag the tiniest detail out of him, even on the few occasions he had volunteered personal information on his own.

Getting him to admit that he still cared was not her intention, not consciously. She had just needed a shove in the right direction to take the plunge of finally getting a car and maybe had gotten than she bargained for.

When she said okay, Sam felt a sense of relief sweep over him. Ever since the cabby had killed Jerry, the words 'Andy' and 'cab' did not belong together in one sentence.

Those words together had caused him countless panicked moments and sleepless nights. Even when she was undercover, he hadn't known if Nick was able to control his contact with her, if he could get to her immediately in case something was wrong, if she went in a cab.

Sam and Andy spent two hours looking at cars, different makes and models, some snazzy and some slow as Sam had requested, but finally settled on the charcoal grey Honda that Andy kept looking towards no matter how many other cars she looked at.

It was a little pricy, but Sam could see that it was the one, so if she was going to be buying her first car, she should have what her heart desired.

When the salesman brought the paperwork over, he dropped his voice and told her "Ma'am, we still need a second signature for the surety-clause in our paperwork." , to which Sam held out his hand for the papers and smiled when he replied "I'll be signing for that."

Andy's head snapped up, her lips falling open, but no sound escaping from them. It was something she really didn't expect Sam to do.

Sam leaned in a little closer, his breath fanning out over Andy's cheek as he whispered "Don't worry McNally, I trust you."

Andy was struggling to keep herself as neutral as possible in the moment. But she had just gotten more out of Sam in one trip to a car dealership than she had in two years of knowing him and months of dating him.

As Andy took hold of the papers to sign, she paused, looking up at Sam before exhaling and saying "On one condition Sam."

Sam nodded and waived his hand around motioning for her to say what she needed to and sign before she backed out.

"Next day shift, dinner's on me?" Andy scolded herself in silence for making it sound so nervous, so questionable.

She really just wanted to say thank you, not sound like she was hoping to turn it into a date.

"As long as you don't cook." Sam said teasingly.

"Sam! I meant I'll take you out for dinner!"

Sam smiled at her embarrassment. Of course he knew that was what she meant, he just loved making her squirm and tying her cheeks up in flaming red.

"I know". Sam said leaning in before whispering a hushed "sign the papers."

Andy let a huge smile consume her lips before she put the pen to the paper and signed.

After handing them back to the salesman, who mentioned that it would take a few days to do credit and background checks done, Andy sighed knowing she'd have to wait patiently to find out if it had been approved.

She couldn't help but roll her eyes as the salesman stressed that it was saturday, so they'd only have an answer by wednesday or thursday the next week.

Leaving the dealership, Sam noted the change in Andy's mood. She seemed lost somewhere between cloud nine and heaven.

And honestly he had never seen her looking more beautiful as she did when she looked up, caught him staring at her and turned her face away as she blushed, the wind billowing her loose hair around her as it swept past them in a forceful gust.

Opening her door for her, Sam had to look away while she climbed into the truck, to keep the little bit of self restraint he had left in him right now.

It was harder to do this than he thought, harder to be friends than to be honest.

Sam dropped Andy off at home, politely declining her offer for a beer or coffee, as he stated he had something to do, which really wasn't important if he was honest with himself.

He just needed the space between them.

Andy smiled at Sam, whispering a soft thank you, before getting out, closing the door and walking across the street towards her building.

Sam's behavior was so different, but so Sam at the same time, she wasn't sure if she could handle much more of it. Keeping him at arms length was becoming harder every time he was around, it didn't matter where they were.

Andy closed her door and put her keys down on the kitchen counter with one hand while her other fished her phone out her pocket, hoping to call Traci and do something with the rest of the day.

A knock sounding on her door made Andy wonder if Sam hadn't decided that he wanted his jacket back after all, or changed his mind about the beer or coffee.

Looking through the peephole, Andy let out an deep sigh and rested her forehead against the wood of the door, until the knock sounded again.

When she had finally managed to open the door, the face that was brandished through the peephole was replaced with a bunch of flowers and she heard a muffled "I'm sorry I was such an ass!" from behind them.

Luke dropped the flowers to let his smile show. His eyes showed that he was genuinely sorry for his rudeness and bad behavior at the Penny when he left so abruptly.

"Figured I owed a little more than a sorry, so I bought lunch too." Luke said waiving the plastic bag around ever so lightly.

Andy noticed the bottle of wine through the white plastic bag, her favorite brand.

"That's for you, to go with the flowers." Luke said reading her expression as he followed her eyes cast on the wine.

Andy stepped aside letting him in, in a way relieved to have some company that wasn't finding the quickest escape route.

Luke set the bag down on the kitchen counter, and held the flowers out for Andy to take. She found a vase, slowly added cold water and set the flowers down in the vase in the lounge, the fresh smell of them filtering through the room.

"Thanks, you didn't have to". Andy managed to say when she found Luke watching her intently.

"I did. It was really a stupid move on my part. She's a good cop Andy. It's just that I was kind of trying to drop the habit of taking you somewhere and then ditching you." Luke saw Andy's face cloud over in surprise, the fact that he was really trying seemed to really shock her.

"Its okay Luke. I get it. I just dunno, tried to get to know her better? You did offer me a drink, then a ride home, then I backed out. So, let's say we're both stupid asses". Andy smiled, as she folded her arms across her chest.

Luke had changed since she left, he seemed to be less judgmental, less obnoxious. A trait that he picked up, but that he did not wear well.

They ate seated in the lounge, Andy asking how his serial killer case was coming on, Luke telling her he had the guy in lockup, her idea about it being a security guy had paid off.

Hovering over the files, Andy had noticed that all the murder victims had the same security company, so she noted it and passed it on to Luke before they left for drinks at the Penny on Thursday night.

After he left her to bond with Shay, Luke went back to work and followed her lead until he was able to establish enough ground to get a search warrant and make the arrest on friday night.

Talk about work subsided into friendly banter, Luke telling Andy what stupid situations her friends had been in while she was gone.

The hours sped by, soon dusk was drawing near when Luke finally decided his welcome was over worn, and that he should leave.

Walking him to the door, Andy watched as he seemed to be hesitating, wanting to say something but looking for the right words.

"So, I guess I owe you for breaking my case now too". He finally found the words as Andy opened the door for him to leave.

"No, its my job". Andy said letting out a tiny giggle at his over enthusiasm at suddenly being so close to her.

"No really, so how about I take you to dinner and a movie on Monday night?". Luke was wearing a hopeful expression as he waited for Andy to reply.

He really was trying to make amends and bringing them closer again.

The awkwardness and the gap between them still lingering widely from their history.

"Okay" Andy managed, without reservation clouding her voice.

If Luke was making an effort, so could she then right?

*******Thanks for reading!**

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**Jelly Bean Jenna©**


	6. Contentment

**As always, thank you for the awesome reviews! I loved them! You guys know how to spoil me, so thank you!**

**To my regulars, you guys rock! **

**Thanks to Kelly2727 for all her awesomeness, & if you're new, welcome!**

**Thanks to Mahtra!**

**Chapter 6- Contentment **

After Luke left, Andy tidied up the kitchen, threw out the take-away boxes and lulled around the kitchen.

It was just after dinner time, but she was still full from lunch, so food wasn't a need.

The quietness whisked around her, conversation stilled as Luke walked out the door.

She needed company.

So she called Traci, to find her phone off, a clear sign that she wanted quiet time.

Chris had moved, so he was out of the question, so Andy scrolled down until Dov's name popped up.

That was a no-go too, he had a date at seven.

Nick was next, but didn't answer, and neither did Gail.

Letting her feet carry her through to her bedroom as she left Gail a voicemail, Andy's eyes fell on Sam's jacket that lay thrown over her bed. She somehow managed to take it back into the room with her when he had arrived this morning and left it there.

Andy paused, debating whether or not it would be an intrusion if she took him his jacket, and she could walk over, she didn't need to take a cab, it wasn't that far.

Without over-thinking it, Andy grabbed Sam's jacket and fled her condo.

Twenty minutes later, Andy stood in front of Sam's door, her hand rapping lightly as she waited for the door to be opened.

There were a few lights on, so she hoped he was home. Music drifted out from behind the door, soft rock tunes undoubtedly.

Andy knocked again, and waited for an answer, debating leaving or calling Sam if her knock went unanswered a second time.

Andy suddenly heard muffled cursing, Sam's voice carrying through the air from a sheltered distance.

Walking down the stairs of the front deck, Andy rounded the corner of the house onto the driveway that lead up to the garage to suddenly stop dead in her tracks as she watched Sam hard at work.

He was so absorbed by what he was doing that he failed to notice her upcoming presence even when she stopped outside the open door to loiter and take the sight in.

She watched as Sam wiped a really greasy hand over his faded jeans just above the knee, leaving a black smudge in its wake.

She found herself totally mesmerized by him, a total look of contentment across his face as he seemed to utterly indulge himself past the point of no return.

Sam suddenly felt eyes on him so he whipped his head up to find Andy hovering in the doorway, her lips pulled up in a feint smile as she watched him.

Standing up from the kneeling position he was in, Sam felt his dimples flare in response to her own blissful expression.

"Didn't know you had a bike". Andy whispered as she stepped with small strides into the garage.

"No one does". Sam said in honesty as he grabbed a rag and wiped his hands on it to rid them of some of the grease.

"Don't stop...I um just dropped by to bring your jacket back" Andy's hands moved forwards to wave it around slightly as though she needed a visual justification for her unexpected visit.

"Can you, um...". Sam said lifting the palms of his hands to see them still flawed with the grease, before he pointed towards the back door, silently asking her to leave it inside.

Andy nodded and moved away, hearing Sam's voice call out "There's beer in the fridge" from over her shoulder.

She hung his jacket over the back of the couch, not really having any idea of where she should put it.

Grabbing two beers from the fridge, Andy made her way back to find Sam mirroring the position he was in when she arrived.

He was doing something with some kind of wrench on what Andy assumed was the carburetor. Or whatever, she honestly really had no idea.

Andy unscrewed the cap off the bottle before holding it out to Sam, who stood back up and wiped the back of his hand over his forehead to which Andy let out a ridiculously loud laugh.

Sam didn't need to see his face to know that he had just done the cliche of wiping grease over his forehead.

"Hey, its gotta match the rest of me". Sam said before taking a long sip of his beer.

Andy didn't have a come back or reply to that, so she just nodded in his direction before letting her eyes move back to the bike.

"New hobby?".

"Nope, had this one since college".

Sam watched as Andy whipped her eyes to his, before dragging her gaze away.

"Need for speed?". As soon as the words were out, Andy wished she could take the cheesy saying back.

Sam cocked an eyebrow at her need to learn more.

She really tried to absorb as much as she could about everyone and everything.

"No... This ones a 'keep me busy project' " Sam said in a really low tone, Andy wasn't quite sure she heard him right.

"Oh". Andy's mouth hardly moved, the word coming out as a stifled sigh, her eyes darting away.

"This one?". Her mind finally caught up to his words.

"Yup, this is the third one I'm rebuilding". Sam took another sip of his beer, keeping his eyes on Andy.

"Seriously? Why do you do it?"

"To keep busy" Sam said hoping she'd find the truth behind those words.

"How long have you been busy with this one?" Andy really was full of questions.

"Six months, on and off" Sam had to look away as he answered, truth was he actually did this to forget.

Forget her, to be honest.

"Six months?" the time frame seemed to shock Andy, although she figured that with Jerry gone, and after their split, if he wasn't at work he probably had a whole heap of free time on his hands.

"Yup, started this one about two weeks after you left" There he said it, it was out in the open.

Andy moved past Sam, letting her eyes take in the bike as she circled it.

"Gonna take me for a ride when its done?" Andy let the question slip out freely, trying to subdue the hopefulness she heard in her own voice.

"Yeah, McNally, I'll take you for a ride" Sam's smile was etched on his face, his dimples in plain view.

He really had intended on doing just that, thinking that he would somehow have to find a way of approaching that subject when the time came, on his own, he never expected to have her invite herself.

Not that he was complaining.

The thought made him smile as he let his tongue run over the inside of his cheek, she really had no idea.

Sam set his beer bottle down on the workbench to his left, before picking up the wrench and continued to do what he was when Andy arrived.

Andy walked around him, setting her beer bottle down next to his before hopping up and making herself comfortable as she sat down on the wooden workbench and watched Sam work away.

He was hesitant in letting her see this part of him, see something that only Sarah and Oliver and Jerry knew he did, but then again, it was Andy.

He had spent hours tinkering with his new toy, having bought it from a second hand dealer that called him and told him he had a perfect specimen, if he was interested.

There was minimal damage from gliding across a tar surface, but the owner didn't want to fix it after his accident, he rather wanted to sell it.

Sam spent saturdays scouring the city for parts after he stripped the bike, deciding to customize it, and just maybe hang on to this one.

Sam watched as Andy began to swing her legs back and forth from the corner of his eye. She was content to just sit there in silence, watching him.

"Sam?". He just knew that it wouldn't last forever.

"Yup?". Sam turned to face her over his shoulder, waiting expectantly for the question that would surely follow.

"When you translate for Shay, why don't you say 'she says or said'?".

That was something Andy had noticed, but didn't quite understand.

"Its usually obvious when she says something, and its kind of pointless. Deaf people don't like it when you sign 'she says hello', so I assume it works the same way, other way around?".

Sarah hated it when he used to add the he said she said on to a conversation, and often told him that it was a waste of time and energy to add on all the extra words.

"Oh". Andy seemed satisfied with his answer, but her downcast brow showed that there was still more curiosity lingering in her thoughts.

"And?". Sam said willing her to finish her quiz.

"How do you actually talk to Sarah? You know on the phone?".

She had heard them having conversations, but that just stumped her.

Sam let out a chuckle, before answering. "My nephew or brother-in-law usually talk to me and sign to Sarah, or we text".

Sam saw the understanding cross her face, just as he stood up and moved to retrieve his beer.

Andy seemed to let her mind wonder, let it roam over whatever unseen thoughts she was having.

"Want another one?". Sam said drawing her attention back from the lost world she had it wrapped up in.

Andy nodded, holding out her empty bottle for Sam to take before jumping off the table and following him into the house.

Sam waived a hand towards the kitchen before disappearing down the hall.

Andy grabbed the empty beer bottles and threw them in the trash before getting refills from the fridge.

Sam suddenly appeared in the kitchen when she closed the fridge door, smiling gratefully at Andy when she held out his beer towards him.

"Mind if I...?". Sam said looking down at himself, a giggle escaping Andy as she watched him take in his own appearance.

"No". Andy said as Sam retreated backwards out the room, still clutching his beer.

Sam emerged from the bathroom a while later, the grease washed away with hot water and plenty of shower gel.

He found Andy staring out the window into the street, lost in whatever had absorbed her attention so entirely, that she seemed oblivious to him in the same room until he leaned forward and whispered "Hey" in her ear, causing her to startle, and step back straight into him.

He just couldn't resist, the temptation to sneak up on her as she was so far away was just too...tempting.

Andy was thankful that Sam remained standing behind her, or she was certain that she would have fallen over.

Cursing his own ability to not reach out and touch her when she stumbled, Sam retraced his hand away from Andy's arm as she steadied out and turned to face him, not looking too happy about the scare he just gave her.

"Sorry" Sam said looking between Andy and his hand as it still tingled from where his skin had met hers as he grabbed hold of her wrist.

That was the problem with being so close to her, when they touched, it was like being cursed, once it happened Sam was just overcome with the need for more.

Sam saw Andy stiffen at his touch, so he backed away before apologizing again, this time unable to watch her face for a response.

"Sam...". Just as Sam stepped away Andy stepped forward and reached out, her hand stopping him from walking away as it found its way to rest on his arm, just below where his shirts sleeve ended.

"I didn't mean to...". Sam really didn't mean to cause any more of a uncomfortable situation than they already had, he was merely seeking some of the familiar fun they had always shared.

He missed it.

Sam peered at Andy, seeing her face soften as she let her lips move up into a bright smile, but her hand, that stayed resting on his arm, sending tremor's of torture through him.

Andy moved to stand directly in front of him, her face telling him that she was okay with him joking around, Sam aware that her close proximity was a bad thing right now.

A really bad thing.

She was close enough to drive him insane, close enough to be considered way to close.

A split second was all it took, a single breath, a single blink of eyes, and then there would be no backing down, no going back, no do-overs.

Sam inched forward, closing the small space between them to almost nonexistence, expecting Andy to pull away or claim back her hand.

But she stood her ground, feet firmly planted to the spot, as Sam leaned in, memories of her scooting to a holt the last time they nearly knocked into eachother flickering through his mind.

Leaning into her hair, Sam inhaled the sweet scent that he missed on his pillows in the morning, before he exhaled it as his words found themselves on his lips.

"Let me take you home".

He really didn't have a choice right now, that was the only option there was.

She was trying to bridge the gap between them, showing no signs of harbored resentment towards him, although she had every right to let it sweep her into its embrace. There was no way he would take her attempts to be friends and twist and turn it into something that he would regret later.

Sam pulled away, putting some much needed space between them, Andy pulling her hand away from its resting place on his arm as she tried to keep her face from revealing her disappointment.

Finally when she thought that they were about to have a moment, it evaporated into wishful thinking.

But Sam was right, that would not be a good thing right now, they hadn't even talked about anything from their past, instead they kept it an avoidable subject.

"Yeah". Andy sighed it out, as she found the floor, her mind screaming at her for even coming here, or thinking that they could ever move forwards, when clearly Sam had no intention of even considering that as an option.

Sam walked away, back down the hall in search of a minutes solitude to pull himself together.

She had been so close, and instead of letting things run their course, he had backed away.

He retreated into himself, when she was right there, staying there as though she had been giving him permission, or an invitation to cross the invisible line that separated them.

Grabbing his keys, Sam found Andy loitering by the door, as though she couldn't wait to leave.

Driving her home felt like it took a lifetime, the short distance covered feeling like it was a small piece of eternity.

When Sam finally pulled up outside Andy's, the words were on the edge of his breath, just as he opened his mouth in the hopes of seeking reprieve from all the bottled up things he needed to say, the apologies, the I missed you's, the let's try again, they all flushed away as Andy leaned in and let her lips brush over his cheek as she whispered a 'thank you' before fleeing.

Sam sat watching her shrink in the distance, shock causing him to freeze, every logical though escaping his mind, his heart stopping and his lungs ceasing to function on inhaling or exhaling any oxygen.

Her simple action plundering through him as it rendered him completely, totally and utterly dazed.

What the hell was she thinking?

Just leaning in and...and...

Sam's mind was having trouble wrapping itself around the little stunt she just pulled.

What was he even supposed to do with that?

He had the urge to run after her and ask her what that was for, but the voice in the back of his mind stopped him.

The same voice that had stopped him from doing the same thing earlier, when she looked like she would have willingly let him.

Andy closed her condo door, a little louder than she probably needed to as she made her way inside. She had absolutely no idea why she had just done that, why she had let herself pull him in closer than the arms length that she had so desperately keep him at.

Andy huffed out a loud breath as her hand found its way into her hair, she really had no idea what she was doing.

Sam held his phone, staring at the screen, staring at her name until the backlight faded and dimmed until her name became a black screen when the light finally went out.

He had been on the edge of calling her for the better part of an hour, each time decisively accepting that he would not call her, until his fingers went through the motions of seeking out her name again.

Putting his phone down, he accepted that it was best to let sleeping dogs lie for now, after all she did mention dinner the next day shift they had, and that was on monday, the day after tomorrow.

Maybe it would be best to wait and try and ascertain more of her state of mind, or her reactions to him then?

If he could hold out for six months and wait for her to come home, he could surely hold out through sunday and monday.

Right?

*******Thanks for spending some time reading this!**

*******okay, so let me know what you think in another one of those awesome thoughts you leave by using the little box underneath here - .͡▹**

**Have an awesome day!**

**Jelly Bean Jenna©**


	7. Kiss Me Through The Phone

**As always, thanks for rocking my world with all the awesome reviews!**

**Thanks to all the regulars for their awesome support & to Kelly2727 for being awesome!**

**Special Thanks to Mahtra, & to the newbies, welcome to my world!**

**Chapter 7- Kiss Me Through The Phone**

Andy spent sunday sleeping late, doing laundry and having a late lunch with her dad.

She forced thoughts of Sam out of her mind as much as possible in an attempt to not over-think the situation.

When monday morning came Sam found himself watching Callaghan walk up to Andy in the barn just after she arrived, a bunch of flowers in one hand and some kind of candy in the other.

It felt almost like he was watching history repeat itself.

Traci's hand on his arm pulled his attention away from watching Callaghan and Andy, as Traci mumbled a 'we need to go' rather loudly before walking away, knowing he would follow.

Sam found Traci in his office, her hand clutching a file as she looked at him with a sad expression on her face when her eyes found his after she let them roam through the glass windows and into the barn.

"You know that's not what it looks like right?". Nash's words caused Sam to fold his arms over his chest as he raised an eyebrow.

"Never said it was". Sam's response was failing in keeping his emotions out.

"You didn't need to, you should tell her Sam, you can't expect her to know if she doesn't understand why".

Nash's wisdom made her a great detective, but an even better friend.

Not once since he had left Andy standing in the rain the day he broke up with her, did Nash treat him any differently. She didn't hide the fact that she thought Sam made a huge mistake, but she didn't hold it against him.

"Know what Nash?". He was playing coy, pretending to be oblivious to what she meant.

"Seriously? Well let me spell it out for you" Traci paused and waived her hand up and down towards Sam, before continuing her relentless assault.

"This Sam, she has no idea, absolutely no clue. And don't tell me its because of an open spot, or some other stupid ass excuse, I get why you did it, but she doesn't because she wasn't here. So grow a pair and tell her, before that becomes exactly what it looks like".

Okay, so maybe he had underestimated Nash a whole lot, but the fact that she was actually calling him out on it, that just took his view of her to a whole new level.

"I...thanks". Sam said, leaving the conversation in gratitude rather than arguing about it.

The rest of the day was spent working the case Nash had in her hand when she called him on his crap.

They missed parade, and left the barn to get an early start.

Andy spent the morning patrolling in peace and quiet, Sam shut out of her mind as she focused on doing her job without putting herself or someone else in danger.

The afternoon followed the same, her first call coming in at three pm, Oliver requesting back up for a suspect that appeared to be a little too much for him to handle on his own.

Andy pulled up at the radioed address, the first to respond, to find a huge guy with Oliver in a sleeper hold in front of him.

Slamming the door open, Andy's feet took off running as soon as they hit the ground.

Andy fingered her gun, deciding it was maybe not a good idea, and instead pulled out her baton, yelling the unusual sentence of 'let go of the officer' as she approached them.

Standing in front of them, Andy realized that the guy holding Oliver was huge, like one of those practically naked wrestlers, as Oliver struggled in an attempt to free himself from the assailants iron grip.

Andy did what she did best in that moment, ran head first and jumped into the situation, literally when she jumped on the guys back attempting to get her baton around him in order to pull him back long enough to let go of Oliver who seemed to be in and out of his senses, and turning a light shade of blue and red.

With her feet dangling in the air, Andy realized her mistake when she was unable to use her weight as leverage, just in time to see the guy let go of Oliver, before he decided to run backwards with her still clinging to his back, straight into the wall behind them.

The sudden stop they met caused Andy to jerk backwards, hitting her head with a forceful thud against the bricks as black and white spots began to swim in her vision.

Andy felt her hands slip off her baton and the shoulder she was clinging to, as her body began to slide downwards, the pull of gravity too strong to fight off.

She felt her feet meet the pavement, her knees too weak to hold her weight as she slid down the wall until her entire body met the floor with a painstaking thud as the white spots faded, and only the darkness remained.

The pungent stench of something under her nose made her eyes fly open, the bright light they suddenly found forcing them to close again as quickly as they had opened.

Voices in the distance drew closer as one in particular stood out as it became clear, legible words.

"McNally?". Oliver's tone was worried, as it broke through the intense throbbing Andy suddenly felt in her head.

"She's okay, she's responding, but we have to take her in". An unfamiliar voice said causing Andy to reopen her eyes to find a paramedic hovering over her.

Trying to sit up, Andy reconsidered and stayed down, the sudden nausea making her stomach want to revolt its contents.

"No, I'm okay". Andy's voice sounded far from her own as she tried to choke her words out.

"McNally, stay down, and we are going for a ride, you took a nasty hit to the head". Oliver's hand was on her shoulder as she tried to sit up again.

Ten minutes later, Andy had been loaded into the back of the ambulance, despite her futile protests.

The more she had argued that she was okay, the more Oliver insisted that she would at least get checked out, because of the fact that the medics had to use smelling salts to wake her up.

After two hours of endless testing and scans Andy was told she'd be kept in overnight for observation, there were slight signs that she had a possible concussion due to the fact that she had experienced some nausea, but also that her pain threshold was being rated at eight.

Oliver called Traci and asked her to bring Andy some clothes from home, but stressing the point that she was okay, knowing that it would get back to Sam.

McNally was really okay, and maybe Sam having a scare would be a good thing.

Oliver let his mind glide over the endless possibilities of the circumstances.

Shay found Sam in his office, looking irritable and really not with the program.

'What's wrong?'. She asked the minute she stepped into the room sensing the tension.

"Nothing". Sam just went with the lazy option of talking instead of signing, he really wasn't in the mood.

'Sam, what's wrong, something happened?'.

Sam rolled his eyes at her relentless need to know everything that was going on.

"Nothin...".

'Where's Andy?'.

That cut Sam's words right off.

"Hospital, she's okay though".

'And you look like that because she's okay? Have you seen her?'.

Sam shook his head, his face giving away the fact the he was not happy with himself for not going to see her.

'Sam, you should go see her, or call her at least'. Shay's face was stern, reminding Sam a lot of Sarah when she was crapping all over him as a teenager.

"I will, maybe later...".

'When Sam? When its too late?'. Shay stormed out his office slamming the door behind her, leaving Sam stunned in her wake.

He had heard of Shay's story, heard what happened, and it was just heart wrenching, but amazing at the same time, that someone could be so strong after going through that, that they could come out on the other side without being angry at the world and falling apart to the point that they lost themselves.

She truly was amazing, but yet again she was right too.

Sam shook his head as he reached for his phone, running a hand over his face as a loud breath escaped him and filled the room.

Sam opened the text icon and typed before he second guessed his decision, he really wasn't quite ready to have a physical conversation with Andy right now, his head was not in a good place.

He hit the send button and waited for a reply he wasn't really sure would come.

Andy was irritable, and not in the least bit happy at having to spend a night away from her own bed, when she had just re-discovered how nicely she slept in it.

The room had darkened since night fell, the only light coming from a small globe that was somewhere over her head, and through the crack in the door, from the brightly lit hallway.

She was bored too, and contemplated a round of poker on her phone, thankful that Traci brought the power cord, but her head still felt like it was splitting in half, and her eyes did not appreciate the fact that they had to try and focus on such a small screen.

Her phone vibrated in her hand, her head whipping up from its resting place on the high stack of pillows as she lifted the phone to see who wanted attention.

Seeing Sam's name when she opened the new text, she really couldn't help the enormous smile she felt flow over her face so freely.

'You okay there McNally?'.

She would have proffered it if he actually called and asked her that, the small amount of conversation would have been appreciated.

She typed back, one eye closing as she really tired to focus on her fingers ability to form words.

They had her on some kind of stimulant to help her stay awake, as well as some pain meds meant to help the headache, but that had thus far failed in achieving its goal.

'Yup, fine'.

Sam in all honesty did not really expect more than she sent back in a response, but her use of the word fine clued him in that she really was not okay.

He let out a frustrated groan as he sat down on the edge of his desk, his free hand pinching the bridge of his nose. She just couldn't stay out of trouble, could she.

'Really?'. He sent the word back, daring her to find some way of backing up her original answer.

'Yup, Nurse Betty is awesome'.

Her reply this time had Sam let out a soft chuckle, she had hit her head but still managed to keep her sense of humor.

'She is?'.

'Totally!'.

Sam wondered if anyone was with Andy, or if she needed anything, and he just knew that he would ask and then possibly end up having to go and actually see her, when he was really so angry with her, even though it was wrong.

Oliver had come to find him and told him what happened, even adding on that if she hadn't reacted the was she did, things could have possibly ended up worse. The purple and red bruises around his neck were testament to his statement.

But Sam wasn't convinced, there is always another way, another option. When he heard passing uniforms say how big the guy in holding was, he became curious as Oliver swept his hand in front of him, motioning for Sam to lead the way.

They weren't kidding, the guy was the size of a sumu-wrestler, Sam would probably come up to his shoulder.

That was when the anger unleashed itself.

What had she been thinking when she took a guy that size on?

Of course, it was McNally, she didn't think, she just acted.

The guy had rammed Andy into the wall, before throwing her off, to come face to face with Collins and Peck's guns trained on his head. At least he hadn't been stupid enough to take on the bullets.

'What you doing?'. Sam's phone vibrated in his hand, pulling his concentration back to it.

'Talking to you'.

'What you doing?' He added and sent through.

'Nothing'. Came her reply.

The silence must have been really hard on her, with her allergy to it, also informing him that she was alone.

'Need anything?' Sam knew it was coming, knew he wouldn't be able to resist, or stay away, he just thought that he would have been able to hold off a little longer.

'My pillow, and chocolate?'.

Great, now he had to go get her keys from Nash and invade her personal space to retrieve her pillow at home.

Sam didn't reply, he slipped his phone in his pocket and went out the door to head over to Nash's.

This was going to be a long night.

Nash smiled when she found Sam on her doorstep asking for Andy's keys.

"Did I forget something?".

"Her pillow" Sam said to which Traci let out a loud laugh. Her tears began to well as she just couldn't keep it in.

"She actually said that to you?".

Sam nodded, not getting why Nash found it so funny.

"Seriously?".

Andy must be high, having said that to Sam.

Back when they were still a couple, Andy referred to Sam as her pillow to Traci, because for some inexplicable reason she had the habit of snuggling up to him until she was literally sleeping with her head either on his arm, his shoulder or his chest, something she had never done before.

And she just told Sam she needed her pillow, and he had no idea that he was actually it.

Traci handed over the keys, soft giggles still escaping her as she eyed him, wondering if he would be made aware of what the pillow was.

Sam decided to drop off Andy's pillow before running down to the gift shop downstairs, incase she wanted juice or something else to go with the chocolate.

Finding her room he heard a voice drawl out from behind the half open door, before Andy's let out a giggle.

She for some reason didn't quite sound herself as she apologized before letting the sound escape her lips again.

"Andy, it was stupid". Callaghan was obviously trying to talk to her about her rash actions, but she on the other hand seemed to find it hysterical.

"I know I ruined dinner, but Luke, he could have killed Oliver. We can just take a rain check okay? Do it some other night"

Sudden memories filtered through to Sam, memories that they were actually meant to have dinner tonight too.

But it sounded like she had a date with Callaghan?

How exactly had she planned on that working out?

Sam tugged her pillow up a little higher under his arm, before leaving, making his way back downstairs to the coffee shop.

He'd give it some time before going back up, if Callaghan was still there then, he'd ask a nurse to take her the damned pillow.

An hour later Sam made his way back upstairs, Andy's voice filtering once again through the doorway, only this time Shay sat on the end of her bed, her hand scribbling away on a note pad.

Sam smiled at seeing Andy caught up in another moment with Shay, having bridged the communication gap they had with the greatest of ease.

Andy looked up as Sam stepped into the room, a smile engulfed her face before she looked back at Shay.

Finding Shay in her room waiting when she came out the bathroom had been a surprise, finally some face to face company was a relief.

Shay had perched herself on the edge of Andy's bed as soon as she settled back in bed.

They began a conversation much the way they had at the Penny, only this time Shay came prepared with a pad of paper.

Shay had asked all the usual questions, you okay, how you feeling, and Andy had answered, trying to remember to talk slowly so Shay could follow.

After half an hour Andy noticed Shay watching her intently, before blurting out a "What?" At the unreadable expression on Shay's face.

'Just wondering why you put yourself through so much misery?'

Andy stared at the words, never expecting something like that to be the reason behind the look.

"What?". Andy's voice raised a little high pitched, her face scrunching up as she stared at Shay.

'Can I tell you a story?'. Shay held up the book to which Andy nodded before she scribbled, a second note and held it up for Andy to read.

'May take a while to write it all down'.

Andy nodded again and managed a sincere smile as she lay back and watched Shay turn the page before her hand glided over the pale paper.

'I was married, decided one morning when I woke up I wanted a divorce. He was a cop too, we were fresh out the academy. We worked well together, but our personal lives got in the way and it felt like he was smothering me. So on the way to work I told him I wanted a divorce and he begged and pleaded for me to think about it before making a final decision".

Shay tore the page out and handed it to Andy before starting the process all over again.

'We were partnered together that day, middle of winter, a lot of uniforms off sick. We had a call to a suburban neighborhood, someone heard screaming. We knocked, no answer, so we went in. We heard a noise in the basement, so we went down and found a meth lab. It was booby trapped, but we didn't know'.

Again Shay tore off the page and handed it to Andy, taking in her sad expression before her pen found the clean page again.

'All morning he tried to talk to me, but I shut him down. That day, when we went downstairs, he suddenly yelled something, just as I reached the last few stairs, then there was an explosion, then there was nothing'.

Shay handed Andy another page to read, the other two left lying in her lap as she took the third with a hand that seemed to tremor.

'I was thrown under the staircase, or maybe through it, but he was standing on ground zero when it went off, got thrown through a wall.

He didn't make it.

For months after that, I heard nothing but his voice ringing in my ears, until that stopped and it was just silence.

He died that day thinking I stopped loving him, when I stopped loving me Andy, and you're making the same mistake'.

Shay handed the entire notepad to Andy to read, and watched as her eyes filled with tears as she let them roam over the words.

"I'm...so sorry". Andy whispered.

Shay took back the book and scribbled some more, before holding it up.

'Andy we're not guaranteed a tomorrow, and something has got to give. You're stronger than Sam, so why not take the risk, isn't he worth it?'.

Wow, this woman was pushy, but also more observant than Andy ever thought possible.

"He is, I just can't...". Andy mumbled out looking away.

'Can't or won't?'.

"Both?".

'I know you guys have bad history Andy, but you need to sever those ties and make new ones. Don't let the past hold you back, because it is, and its making you both miserable!'. Shay managed a smile when she held up her words, Andy returning it slightly.

Andy read through Shay's story, her heart breaking for having to go through something so tough.

But she looked at her with admiration in her eyes, Shay was resilient even though life had thrown hell her way, she took it and learned from it, drew strength from it.

They left the deep conversation, and let it drift to casual topics as time seemed to speed by, until Sam made his appearance, pillow tucked under his arm.

Shay had been watching Andy carefully throughout her time there, the tremors in her hands seemed to stay, her skin taking on a yellowish tint.

"Hey". Andy said as she spoke over Shay's shoulder, indicating that someone else was in the room.

Shay turned to Sam and smiled, as she slid off the bed.

'Relief shift?'. She asked, her smile widening as she caught sight of the pillow.

"Something like that". Sam said, his dimples failing to come out to full view.

'I'm a little worried about her, she's not herself Sam'. Shay added turning to face him.

Sam walked over to set Andy's pillow down on the bed, her eyebrows lifting in confusion at seeing it here.

'Why?'. Sam asked back now that his hands were free.

'She's all giggly, then crying, and she's blinking way too much like she can't focus'.

'Probably the meds, they will keep an eye on her Shay'.

'Okay. You going to stay? I've got to go'.

Sam nodded, as Shay turned to smile at Andy and wave bye, Andy lifting her hand to do the same as Shay turned and left.

Sam watched as Andy eyed her pillow before looking back at him, her face full of questions.

"That is the pillow you wanted right?".

"I guess?". Andy really had no idea why Sam had her pillow or was even here.

*******Thanks for reading!**

**Leave your thoughts on how you think this is going to go? **

*******okay, so let me know what you think in another one of those awesome thoughts you leave by using the little box underneath here - .͡▹**

**Have an awesome day!**

**Jelly Bean Jenna©**


	8. Pillow Talk

**Thanks for all the amazingly awesome reviews, I have the best readers in any fandom! **

**Thanks to all the regulars & Kelly2727!**

**Thanks to Mahtra for her awesome shadowing!**

**Chapter 8- Pillow Talk**

"So how's the head?". Sam stood at the end of her bed, not wanting to sit down, he really had no idea why he was still here.

"Sore". Her reply was short, her voice soft.

"So, have you eaten yet?". Sam knew hospital food was crappy, but they wouldn't let her out unless she was eating.

"Yup, a little of the whatever it was they served for dinner". Andy had a nagging feeling that she had forgotten something, but her mind couldn't quite pinpoint it.

"Need anything else?".

Andy shook her head, before biting her lip and holding her hand out, gesturing for Sam to sit down when she swooped her pillow away from the end of the bed.

Sam shifted from foot to foot before sitting down, when suddenly Andy's downwards cast head popped up and she stared at Sam with wide eyes.

They were supposed to have dinner on their next day shift, which was today and she had completely forgotten.

"Crap! Sam I forgot that we were supposed...".

Sam nodded, he already knew that part, but really wasn't in the mood for any more of the games she wanted to play.

"Don't worry about it". Sam said trying to find a genuine sense of sincerity to add to his voice.

He noticed the hand she clutched her pillow with seemed to shake a little, even though it was laying flat on the soft surface.

"No Sam! I really screwed this up... Luke asked me to dinner... and I forgot about our plans...and then this...".

Okay, so she was admitting she double booked herself for a date with both of them? Sam was taken aback by the fact that she had even done that, never mind admitted to it.

"Andy, its fine". His voice came out way more forceful than he intended, and he really was fine with it in all honesty.

"Sam...".

"McNally don't worry about it, it's fine. Friends get it when you cancel dinner for a date".

Andy rolled her eyes at Sam's interpretation of her dinner with Luke, it really wasn't a date.

His words stung, more than they should have, she was trying to keep him out, so why did it feel so wrong to hear him label them as friends? Why did it feel like her heart cracked a little at the terminology he had just bestowed on them.

"So we're...friends?". She suddenly whispered, breaking the silence that hovered in the room.

"I'm trying Andy, but I don't know, it just feels like you're not?". He really meant it, he was trying, but it felt like she kept withdrawing when he put in a little effort.

"Okay, well thanks for being there Sam, and the pillow, although I have no idea why you brought it". Andy slid down, showing that she wanted to lay down, so Sam stood up.

"Andy, you asked for your pillow?". Andy shook her head, she really had no idea why she would do that.

"Call me if you need...anything or a ride home in the morning". Sam said before moving to stand in the doorway.

Andy waived her hand around in the air aimlessly, as though she was wiping him away.

Sam took one last look at her before leaving the room, heading down the hallway, taking the elevator downstairs to the lower level underground parking garage right up to his truck.

Where he stopped, ceasing the attempt to dig his keys out his pocket, and instead slammed his hand down on the roof of it, turned around and followed the same route right back up to her floor.

Shay was right, she really wasn't herself.

Sam found a nurse and told her about the pillow, before she nodded and went to call the doctor. Sam made her promise not to tell Andy that he was still here.

He waited patiently on a chair at the end of the hallway, opposite the nurses desk on the floor, watching as the nurse and Andy's doctor slipped into her room.

He was still angry at her for getting herself in here in the first place, but he was even madder at himself for thinking that he could leave her when she needed him.

He was totally pissed about the fact that she had a date with Callaghan, and that was not because she had dinner plans with him the same night too, but rather because he was watching her set herself up for a fall again, and just like last time, he was just standing back and letting it happen.

Callaghan had made his intentions of going after Andy crystal clear around the barn, the flowers and candy, the morning coffees and late night dinners in his office, drinks at the Penny and the fact that he left with Andy instead of letting her leave while he immersed himself in his work telling Sam that Callaghan had upped his game.

Sam let out a growl as he rubbed his hand over his face and through his hair, the echo sounding hushed in the small space resounding around him.

But she was happy.

And that was all that mattered.

Sam had seen her face light up when Callaghan gave her the flowers, and her smile widened at the sight of the candy. Her eyes sparkled whenever Callaghan walked into the room.

How could he wish that away?

Just like before, he would watch from the sidelines as she was wooed and courted back into the lair of the devil by satan's spawn.

Sam shook the thoughts from his mind at the sound of approaching footsteps to find the nurse looking a little uncomfortable as she made her way towards him.

"She okay?". Sam asked as he stood up, weary of her failure to meet his gaze.

"Um...she's okay, or she will be. She isn't reacting well to the cocktail they gave her, so we're going to try and flush her system, that means an IV and plenty of fluids. She'll be back to herself as soon as the drugs start leaving her system, until then, she's just gonna be slightly out of it, because she is kind of...".

"Kind of?". Sam did not like how this was going.

"It seems that she's delirious, at the moment. It will subside in a few hours, she just feels really...good right now. Her vitals are strong, and she's responsive. I'm sorry we didn't catch it earlier, but it only came out now". The nurse smiled genuinely, she was remorseful, even though they wouldn't have know it would happen.

Sam let the words roll around in his mind, the short version making him smile as he shortened it into four words.

Andy McNally was high.

Sam found himself back in the chair, resuming a sitting position without even realizing it.

He wanted to make sure she was okay, but didn't want things to end as well as they had the last time he was in the room with her.

Watching her face fall as she realized that he knew about the date with Callaghan, or the disappointment that took up residence in her eyes when he labeled them as friends.

Something neither of them had done in the past was add a label to themselves.

And what was with the negative thoughts and sudden harsh feelings he felt towards Callaghan? The satan's spawn name drifting through his mind. Callaghan really was a solid guy, a good cop, he just...wasn't for Andy?

Maybe Luke was just short for Lucifer.

Okay so his well hidden jealous side was making an appearance, Sam finally admitting to himself that he was insanely jealous that Callaghan had what he wanted, or rather who.

After all he has had more than six month to come to terms with any feelings he had towards Andy.

Sam felt his phone buzz in his pocket, slamming his vicious thoughts to a sudden stop as he reached for it.

'I'm sorry'.

Sam felt guilt run through him, she was apologizing for something that wasn't her fault.

Again.

'Don't be, there's no reason for you to be sorry'. Sam sent the words back, leaning back in the chair that was more than a little uncomfortable.

'I am, for more than you know'

Sam felt like he could walk in that room and shake some sense into her. Literally.

'Don't be!'. What else was he supposed to say? Wrecking his mind for something to add on before sending, he drew a blank.

So he just let it go, like that.

'I screwed up, Sam but I didn't have a date with Luke'.

Sam heard the growl, feeling it run all the way up until it passed over his lips into the air around him.

Why did she want him to know that? It really had nothing to do with...

His phones vibrations caused his eyes to snap back to the screen to find more from her.

'Thanks for being friends'.

Sam had the sudden urge to hurl the phone across the room, letting the words break as the screen would shatter.

But he knew that would not erase them, they would be burned into his retina's for as long as he lived.

'Anytime'. He didn't have anything to say that could be said now, or in a text. What he wanted to say had to be said when she was able to focus on his words, if he ever got to the point where he could actually say them.

Dragging himself out the chair, he walked towards her door after a long pause between texts. He just needed to make sure that she was okay.

Pushing the door open a little wider, he let his eyes focus on her laying curled up in bed sound asleep, one arm clutched over her pillow, the other hand still holding on to her phone.

Shuffling into the room as quietly as he could, Sam slid her phone out of her hand, lifting it up to read a text she had been in the process of typing when sleep seemed to close to deny any longer.

'I would have come, that night, but I had to go. I'm sorry for that too. I don't want to be just...'.

Be just what?

She never managed to finish typing whatever she had intended on saying.

Sam locked her phone and set it down on the bedside counter, just in time to have the nurse walk in and smile at him.

"You can stay if you like, she'll be out for a while". The nurse whispered as she recorded Andy's vitals on her chart.

Sam weighed up the options, go home have a hot shower and a huge shot of whiskey or six, pull on some clean clothes and sleep in his comfortable bed.

Or stay here, watch her sleep, sit up all night in a really uncomfortable chair, drink revolting coffee, and miss out on a hangover in the morning.

There was definitely no comparison between the two, no choice to be made.

One didn't even come close enough to be in the same sphere, to be to the other to be considered capable of being compared.

He was staying.

Sam nodded towards the nurse before she walked out and pulled the door closed softly behind her.

Sam dug out his phone and switched it to silent, seeing the time at just after ten.

Turning his attention back to Andy, he couldn't help but marvel at her peace when she slept.

She always found the solace she so desperately needed when she slept.

She would let go of any inhibitions that clung to her from a bad shift, release any negativity or bad emotions that let their way in through the day, she would just become weightless as she found her dreams.

Andy woke up to the sun filtering in through the gaps in the blinds.

Her eyes snapped open towards the chair, where for some reason she expected him to be.

Closing her eyes as quickly as they had opened, Andy wasn't sure if it was because they came to rest on an empty chair, or from the lights that seemed to make her head pound worse than any hangover she had ever had.

Peeling one eye open to do a double take on the chair, Andy let out a disappointed sigh, had she really expected him to be there when she woke up?

Last night was fluffy and hazy, but she knew that he had been here, told her they were filed away in his friends compartment, and then he left.

But she was sure he had been here when she woke up earlier.

She was positive he had been sleeping in the chair when she silently climbed out of bed and padded to the bathroom before reversing the motions back to bed, making life difficult by carrying her IV bag instead of wheeling it with her to keep the noise down.

She was positive that he had come back.

Andy threw her face down into her pillow and let out a strangled cry that was muffled by the puffy material, to be disturbed by a clearing throat that made their presence know.

Andy bolted up to find the nurse and Traci eyeing her, Traci with highly raised eyebrows and the nurse wearing a frown.

The nurse left after giving Andy a once over and removing her IV, softly whispering 'I'll get the discharge papers' before she pulled the door closed.

"So, ready to go home?". Traci swept her eyes over the room, looking for any sign that someone else had been here, but finding none.

"Oh yeah, you have no idea". Andy said hugging her pillow a little closer.

"He actually bought you your pillow?". Traci let out in a fit of giggles.

"Did you tell him he had the wrong one?". She added as an afterthought.

"What? No". Andy's cheeks flushed bright red at traci's question.

"Oh come on Andy, you had the perfect opportunity..."

"Trace, I don't even remember asking for my pillow". Andy sighed as she ran a hand over her face, exactly how many bad things did she say?

Traci reached out and flipped open Andy's phone, before pinching her eyes closed and turning the screen for Andy to see.

"At least you had the right idea, but couldn't you stay awake and hit send? The little green button over here, you know the one that sends the text?".

Andy snatched her phone out of Traci's hand before clearing the text box.

"Not gonna happen Trace. He said we're friends, so that is where it stays". Andy heard the sadness drift into her voice and knew Traci had too.

Sam sat watching her sleep through endless hours, her hair fanning out over the hospital pillow cases while she clung to her own tightly.

After a few hours of deep sleep, she became restless, her breathing changing and her movements indicating that she wasn't under the deep throws of dreams anymore.

Sam watched as she sat up, dazed and confused in the dark, her eyes seeking out her surroundings until they fell on him.

He thought he saw her lips curve up into a smile as she leaned up and unhooked her IV bag before slipping away to the bathroom.

He briefly thought about running out the room before she came back, escaping and leaving her to think it was another hallucination, another drug induced vision, but he couldn't bring himself to move.

Instead he remained still, closing his eyes as he heard her make her way out the bathroom.

In a moment he would swear that she stopped right in front of him, hovering over him, as if she was tempted to reach out and touch him, see if he was really there, but suddenly the air shifted and he heard her climb back in bed.

When the sun began to make its appearance through the clouds, Sam finally pulled himself out of the chair and made his was over to Andy's bedside, pausing long enough to wipe a strand of hair out of her face just as her lips curved up into a smile as his fingertip grazed over her cheek.

She let out a breathy word, Sam pulling his hand back as if it had been scolded by her skin.

It suddenly became immensely hot in the room, Sam struggling to keep his breath from ceasing as he heard his name flow over her lips in sleep as though she knew his touch even when wrapped up in dreams.

He kept his gaze focused on her, his mind wondering to ask a million questions at the same time.

Some of them were drowned out by others that screamed to be heard.

Some were clear as he heard the words sound, works like 'so you think you can be friends?' Before it morphed into 'why is it so hard?'.

Then the voices died down to one single tone, crystal clear and steady as it asked him 'how do you feel?'.

Sam felt his lips tug up of their own accord as the silent answer came quickly in response, after all there was only one answer to that.

*******okay, so let me know what you think in another one of those awesome thoughts you leave by using the little box underneath here - .͡▹**

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**Jelly Bean Jenna©**


	9. Jealousy

**Thanks as always for the awesome reviews you guys leave! You guys rock my world!**

**Thanks to all the regulars that make me want to write & Kelly2727 for her awesomeness!**

**Thanks to Mahtra for shadowing!**

**Chapter 9- Jealousy**

Arriving home, and walking through her front door felt truly like a little slice of heaven.

She hadn't been home in over twenty-four hours, and couldn't wait to grab a shower and a little more sleep.

The doctor released her provided that she take another three days off and didn't drive for the rest of the week, but that wouldn't be a problem, her car would only be ready by wednesday or thursday and today was tuesday.

Her intake of fluids had to be kept high, but that wouldn't be a problem either, she loved water and she loved juice.

Coffee was out, to keep the stimulants to a minimum, causing Andy to groan when the nurse read out the doctors instructions shortly before they left.

Her head still felt like it weighed a ton, but the prescription pain killers were sure to sooth away the remains of the pain from slamming it into the wall.

Seeing Oliver's neck when he came to say hi after shift yesterday, made it worth the suffering.

Traci dropped her at home before leaving with a tight hug and a huge apology, she was working with twenty-seven for the day, wearing the wire for a small sting they set up to catch a rather elusive pimp in their territory because she was an unknown face in their parts.

Andy took a long shower, her hands were timid and gentle, washing her hair around the still swollen bump at the back of her head, grateful she didn't need stitches.

She mused over memories of her night in the hospital, still convinced that Sam had been there. Finally dressing in some yoga pants and a sweatshirt, Andy fell on her bed, her mind drifting into sleep as the bright sunshine dimmed behind the grey rain clouds.

'Crappy looks good on you' Shay signed the minute Sam walked into their office, having been late enough to miss parade.

The thought made her smile, and let her hopes soar that he was late because he had been with Andy throughout the night, rather than the possibility that he was late and looked like crap because he was hungover.

Sam smiled at her playful taunting, not giving in to revealing any of the details that he knew she was fishing for.

"Morning" Sam said sidestepping her in a bid to reach his desk.

'That's all I get?' Shay still had that smile on her face, the one that showed happiness even though she was really having a tough time coping.

Shay had an interview the day before, the reason Sam had not seen her all day until she was in Andy's room at the hospital. He knew this because Frank told his, keeping the details to the minimum.

'So?'. Shay nudged Sam to draw his attention, before her hands spoke for her some more 'How'd it go? Did you tell her?'.

She really looked hopeful.

'Nope, she wasn't herself, she was...loaded?'. Sam signed searching for a word to use for her state, high just didn't suite her.

'But you stayed?'. Shay's smile wavered before falling off her face as she seemed to loose hope that he had actually been there.

"I stayed". Sam's voice was barely a whisper in the room, but it wouldn't have made a difference anyway.

'But? You left didn't you? Sam!'.

Shay was shaking her head disapprovingly, she was not impressed.

"Shay, I left before she woke up, but she saw me there, I just don't think she'll remember". Sam really believed she wouldn't.

'Well then why are you here? She's gonna need a ride home Sam'. Shay had Sam by the hand leading him towards the office doorway where she stopped.

'Go' she added as she opened the door and pushed him over the threshold, so he did the only thing he could- he left.

Driving in the rain was a real pain in the ass, people drove too slowly or too cautiously, resulting in them causing an accident.

Driving over to the hospital Sam saw three, and thankfully shook his head as he passed.

Entering the hospital, Sam headed straight for the coffee shop and ordered two coffees, before grabbing a few chocolate slabs, he never got them the night before.

Spying a bunch of yellow lilies in the flower bucket, Sam pointed them out and asked the middle aged lady behind the counter to add them too.

One thing he had never done, was get Andy flowers.

Spying the foil balloons drifting in the air in a corner behind her, Sam asked her to hang on before walking towards them and selecting a few.

The first one was a huge yellow smiley face, the second one of a bear holding a pillow that had get well soon scrawled across the pillow.

Making his way over to pay for his purchases Sam saw the lady serving him smile knowingly.

Was it really that obvious?

Pausing outside her room Sam drew in a deep breath before rounding the corner to find the room empty and the bed bare.

Andy was gone.

And he hadn't even been gone that long.

Spinning around Sam found the nurse from last night on her way down the hall towards him, her change of clothes out of the uniform making her barely recognizable.

"She left about twenty minutes ago". Her voice was soft, but still Sam felt his face fall when he just automatically let his mind assume that Callaghan had been by in time to take her home.

"She left with a woman, it wasn't him".

Her words rendered Sam speechless again, was it written all over his face?

"Thanks". Sam managed to whine out before the nurse walked away.

He was in way over his head and by the looks of things it was on full display for the world to see.

Sam found his hand rapping lightly on her door, the sound drowned out by the thunderous roar of the breaking storm.

When the crackle died down, he tried again, this time the sound effectively louder but still unanswered.

Eventually giving up hope of his knock being answered, Sam left Andy's condo, his shoulders slumped in defeat as his feet carried him out into the rain.

A loud, incessant song screamed in her ear, willing her to slip out from under the blissful images that sprayed out in her dreams.

Lifting her hand, Andy let it blindly feel over her bedside table until it found the blaring object as her hand closed over it and brought it to her ear.

"'Lo". She mumble between a yawn and a sigh.

"Andy are you sleeping?".

"Not anymore". Slipped out with a giggle at finding Traci's shocked voice in her ear.

"Okay, I don't suppose you've eaten then? Its like just after eight pm and I'm leaving the barn, wanna grab dinner at the Penny?".

"What? Its that late? I slept for like nine hours?". Andy bolted upright so find her room shrouded in darkness, the flicker of lightning flashing through the room to illuminate it in a soft blue glow that lasted seconds.

"Seriously? Wow, I'm sorry I woke you, its okay we can do...".

"No! Its okay I'd like that, we haven't done it in a while". Her smile was audible in her voice, the thought causing sheer happiness to flow through her.

How she had made it six months without Traci she had no idea, so any time to spend with her now was more than okay, no matter what.

"Okay, pick you up in ten?".

"Perfect, see you then". Andy hung up as she let her feet find the floor, the groggy feeling that encased her subsided as her mind shook itself awake.

Just as promised, Traci was there in ten minutes, calling Andy from inside her car as she pulled up to the curb right outside the front door.

It was pouring with rain, the city flickering to life as the lightning lit up the heavy clouds that hovered over it.

Sam should have know better than to expect Shay to sit next to him for nothing other than a drink.

She rubbed shoulders with him in her usual way of greeting, before she allowed herself to find the chair.

Sam turned to face her knowing that she would want to talk, its all she ever wanted these days.

'Whiskey? I take it that things did not go well?'. Liam put a glass of wine down in front of Shay, no one needing to order.

'Nope'.

'Sam seriously, you have got to...'. Shay stilled her hands just as the door of the Penny opened to reveal a wet Andy and a wet Nash emerging in a fit of giggles, Sam's attention immediately moving from Shay to them.

Shay let out a groan, no use in trying to sign to Sam when he wasn't looking.

Sam's eyes met Shay's, sadness seeping into them before they drifted to Callaghan sitting at the other end of the bar.

He should have expected her to meet him here, now that she had been released from the hospital.

Shay nudged Sam, her hands flying at an incredible rate as she let her words form in a bit of a frenzy.

Andy pointed to a table, to which Traci nodded as she moved over to the bar to order two sodas, much to Liam's surprise. She added on two cheese burgers before waving at Shay and Sam who seemed so wrapped up in their physical argument that she went completely unnoticed.

Making her way over to Andy, Traci wasn't shocked to find Luke at their table, watching Andy like she was something to eat.

Andy shook her head at Traci, her silent request giving Traci a reason to spin around and make her way back to the bar to order a shot of tequila, feeling like she just might need it.

"Can we talk?". Andy asked unable to really look in Luke's direction.

"Sure, what's on your mind?". Luke looked between Sam and Andy, to find Sam whip his head away and focus solely on Shay.

"This". Andy said motioning between them with her hand, searching for words that were subtle but strong at the same time.

"This...is like...Luke you're a good guy, but we're...". Okay this was harder than she thought it would be.

Glancing between Sam and Luke, Andy opened her mouth to find nothing coming out.

Luke smiled, his eyes lighting up as he let out a soft chuckle.

"Andy, stop okay. Its not what you think". His lips had curved up into a lopsided smile, making Andy's eyes widen in confusion.

"What?". She seemed slightly dumbfounded in all honesty.

"Promise you won't get mad?".

Andy nodded, not really having much of a choice.

"He's a good guy Andy, he deserves another shot, you owe it to yourself to at least let him try. I'll be honest, getting you back was my original intention, but when I saw you look at him, I knew it was him, its always been him". Luke stopped his word hoping the Penny would drop, but instead Andy continued to stare at him with a look on her face that told him she didn't quite get it.

"Look, we started building the bridge back to friendship, so I don't wanna screw that up and burn the bridge when I know its not going to happen, I was trying to make him see that he is still a stupid ass..."

"You were doing it to make Sam jealous?". Andy shrieked out, just below loud enough to stop the room from hearing her as he mind tried to grasp the concept of what Luke was saying.

Luke let out another laugh, this time drawing Sam's attention back to them before it swept back to Shay.

"Don't sound so surprised Andy. I made a stupid mistake, so did he, but his can still be fixed, and he's been trying, he stayed for you".

"Luke what are you talking about?". The night was turning out to be full of surprises.

"Andy, he got offered a spot over at Guns and Gangs and said no without even thinking about it. He took the detectives rotation to stay at fifteen waiting for you, let him have his shot".

Andy didn't even know what to do with that.

She looked past Luke to seek Traci out, begging her to join them before she fell apart.

Luke gave Andy one last nod before backing away from the table as Traci made her way over.

"I need a minute". Andy blurted out before yanking her jacket off and slinging it over the empty chair next to her, before heading for the bathroom.

When she had finally caught her breath, Luke's words having sunk in far enough to make sense, Andy made her way back to Traci to find their burgers on the table waiting.

"Your dad called, I was on the phone to Dex, sorry I didn't answer". Traci said after swallowing a mouthful of food.

Andy picked up her phone, Traci having left it on the table after digging it out her jacket pocket.

Eighty-two missed calls, seventeen new voice messages lit up her screen as she stared at it.

She had completely forgotten about those.

Dialing voicemail, Andy heard her dads voice "Hey sweetheart, just checking if you're okay, call me".

As Andy selected to delete the message, she waited for the next one to start.

"Hey, its me, but I guess you already know that. Well I guess you're not coming, but I really wanna talk, so call me?".

Andy felt a rush of guilt run through her as she heard Sam's voice through the speaker, the date and time was from the night she left months ago, Sam not sounding really sober.

The next one was him too, "Andy, I'm sorry please just call me, we don't have to talk, I just need to know you're okay". That was two days later, before seven am, his voice sounding tired and strained, yet pleading.

The third one was Sam again, "Hey its me again, I heard you left, and ...I'm really proud of you for taking it. I...just wanted you to know that. Stay safe McNally".

And the next, and the one after that, all Sam.

By the seventh voicemail, Andy felt her eyes drift over to Sam meeting an intense stare from him in return, her teeth biting down on her lip in an attempt to keep herself stuck in reality.

'...to start somewhere'.

Shay had been saying something, but his gaze was drawn to seek Andy out, her watching him with a look of pain and remorse as she held her phone to her ear.

Crap, he forgot about those.

All the voicemails he left for her when things became too much and he would call her phone just to hear her voice until the beep caught him everytime.

He knew she was listening to them now while watching him, but he couldn't get a read on her with the plague of emotions and expressions she had running across her face.

'I'm sorry what was that?'. He focused back on Shay trying to still his rudeness. 'Start where?' he added intending to make it seem like he had been watching her.

The next thirty seconds would haunt Sam for the rest of his life, the unexpected events making him realize that it was hard being deaf, hard going through a miserable life and then still being so giving that you set yourself aside to help someone else.

Shay jumped up into a standing position, knocking her wine glass over to let the sound of shattering glass fill the room as she stood and spun around from Sam to Andy and back to Sam, her hands stalling as fire burned in her eyes and she opened her mouth.

"Tell Her The Truth". Shay yelled out, her words sounding slightly off and her voice loud and scratchy from years of disuse.

Her words weren't well formed, but they were as clear as day, every set of eyes now settled on them, including Andy's.

Shay stormed off, rushing out the door, leaving a stunned Sam to stand and stare after her in shocked silence.

He had told her about telling Andy they were friends and that he was prepared to stand back and let Luke make Andy happy if that was what she wanted, and that was her response.

Wow.

Sam huffed out a groan before he grabbed hold of his half a whiskey, knocked it back in one sip and stood up.

Avoiding Andy's eyes, Sam made his way for the door and stepped out into the soft rain as it dripped down.

Just as his hand found its way to his trucks door handle, he heard his name to look up and find Andy standing in the rain, her arms wrapped around her waist as she took small hesitant steps towards him.

Sam turned to face her, flashbacks ripping through his mind as he watched the raindrops fall around her.

"Where you even going to tell me?". Her voice sounded so broken, Sam didn't know if he was capable of answering her question.

******Thanks for reading-**

*******okay, so let me know what you think in another one of those awesome thoughts you leave by using the little box underneath here - .͡▹**

**Have an awesome day!**

**Jelly Bean Jenna©**


	10. Telling The Truth- Halfway

**As always, thanks for rocking my world with your awesome reviews! & so glad you all loved Luke not being an ass!**

**As always thanks to the amazing regulars & Kelly2727 & Mahtra for shadowing!**

**Welcome to the newbies!**

**Chapter 10- Telling The Truth- Halfway.**

"Andy...".

"No Sam, just tell me why". Andy's voice became suddenly sharp as it found a new kind of edge as her words were uttered.

"Why what?".

"All of it Sam?".

"I wouldn't even know where to start. You heard what I had to say". Sam waved his hand towards her phone still clutched in her hand.

"Tonight Sam, you never said anything before now, why? I don't get it".

Sam ran a hand through his hair, feeling the dampness soak through it as they stood so close yet so far apart.

"What was I supposed to say? Andy I'm sorry..."

"Sam, you broke my heart". As he heard her words, he was sure that he heard the tears behind them too.

"I made a mistake".

"Why? Why did you do it?"

He knew she was referring to him leaving her to stand in the rain alone that night, when she had said he should go if it was over, her face was mirroring the one she had worn that night.

"Because you loved me back". His words were barely audible, the flash of lightning crossing her face as it contorted to a mask of disbelief riddled with total awe.

"What does that even mean?".

Andy didn't miss the fact that he used the word 'loved' referring to her feelings being in the past tense.

Sam had no idea how to put the words out there, it was something he just didn't do, couldn't do.

He didn't know how.

"I...you...shit!". He really had no idea.

"Andy, my whole life I've wanted someone who didn't have a reason to, didn't need to, they just did, and you did. And that scared the crap out of me. You had no reservations about it, you just did it, completely. And I didn't know if I could do that because one day if you stopped, I...wouldn't handle it. So I took the easy way out, or what I thought the easy way out would be. I let you in, but I thought letting go would stop it from hurting...".

Andy just stared at Sam almost like her mind wasn't wrapping itself around his words.

"You walked away because you thought I was going to?". Andy's voice was ragged, raw emotion seeping out with every letter.

"Andy, everyone eventually does, it was just a matter of when". Sam had to look away as he let the last few words tumble out.

"Sam are you even listening to yourself? You don't know that! How can you even say that? I came for you when you worked Brennan, I came and I told you I didn't want to go back, and after everything, you still think I would have walked away?".

Sam could see that his words stung, they cut deep and there was no way for him to take them back.

"Andy, think about it, we knew we were asking for trouble, our relationship was based on danger and our own recklessness, everyday life a risk for us...I meant what I said about being a cop and being with you...".

"That's what you think? Seriously? Sam for one second take away the badges, take away our jobs and look at us, without the risks, look at us as people, normal people and when you see that clearly, you give me a call and let me know what you see". Andy shifted from foot to foot as she began to back away, her fiery spark fading rapidly as her tears mingled with the raindrops.

"Andy, I'm sorry, if I could take it back I would...I never wanted to hurt you, and honestly I didn't think that it would be that...destructive?". Sam knew his words were unsure, he was unsure.

Just as Andy started walking back towards the Penny she froze at Sam's words. Was he kidding? He seriously thought that it wouldn't hurt her?

Spinning around Andy's feet carried her to stand squarely in front of Sam, her eyes fiery in defiance as Sam found her really scary in the moment.

"How dare you. You know what, you can't leave me voicemails telling me that no matter what happens you still love me, and then act like you didn't leave any of them, you can't tell me that you walked away because you thought that some day I might do it instead. Sam do you have any idea what it felt like the day I held the grenade? I thought I was going to die, be blown to smithereens, wishing that I had the chance to do one last thing before I died? I just wanted one last chance to tell you that I still loved you. Then in the blink of an eye, you're there, then I'm scared that you're going to die, and I'm going to have to stand there and watch it! After weeks of ignoring me, you put yourself in a life and death situation to tell me you love me? Why would you even do that?"

Andy had somehow shrunk away from him as she spoke.

"Because if you died that day, there was no way I would have survived without you, if you died that day, one way or another I was going with you". Sam's own voice encased with emotion as he stepped towards Andy his word seething out.

Andy felt as though every last ounce of oxygen was sucked out of her in that instant, gone with his words as his hot breath billowed out in a cloud of steam as he spoke, leaning forwards and slowly pronounced each and every syllable so that she would understand.

"Do you get it now Andy? Do you get why I was there that day? Why I chose that moment to tell you how I feel? No spur of the moment, no saying them out of regret. Just saying them so that you would know because there was no way I was making it out of there and you weren't. That was my back up plan, if ETF couldn't make it on time, I would have sent you out...".

Sam kept inching forwards until his face was barely separate from Andy's as his voice filled the air around them, sounding horse and strangled.

Andy's hand splashing across his cheek stopped all forms of speech in their tracks as his words were replaced with a crackling slap just as Sam heard her let out a gasp at her own actions.

He deserved it, he deserved worse in fact.

"Sam...". Andy's hand flew up to her mouth, shame washing over her softly broken features.

"I deserve it, just like you deserve the truth". Sam was pinching his eyes closed trying to reign in a little bit of self control.

Andy felt numb.

There was no dampness from her rain soaked clothes, no chill from the cold night air, just nothing.

His words killed her in every sense.

If he thought she deserved the truth, and that was it, he really could have kept it.

"Is that the whole truth Sam?".

Sam's eyes screwed shut, slits of pure heat as he stared at her intensely. He had seen what telling her that much had done to her, and now she was asking for more?

"Andy, I don't think..."

"Don't think Sam just tell me okay?". Andy's voice held a tinge of anger.

"Andy what do you want from me?". Sam's voice doing the same with growing frustration at their situation.

"I want to understand why. I want to make sense of it because I still don't get it, don't get why you promised to do all the work and do it until I said yes, but you're not, you're walking away again..."

"Because this is me Andy. I'm messy and unstable. I'm not good for you, but I can't stay away, I...this is just who I am".

"You think I don't know who and what you are? You're not messy or unstable Sam, but you sure as hell are right when you say you're not good for me, because with you I second guess myself, you make all rationality escape me and there is never a moment when I don't wonder what you'd say or what you'd think when you're not around. You make me want to be better, a better person, a better cop, a better friend...". Andy ran out of words at the friend statement.

Why was she even putting up a fight for Sam when he saw them as friends?

"So we're friends?". Sam broke the silence, but just barely.

"Sam we've never been friends". Andy whispered just before stepping away, her hand coming up to wipe away the few stray tears that still wet her cheek. Or maybe it was raindrops, she just didn't know anymore.

"Why not?". Sam's voice carried over to her, again halting her attempt to flee.

"Why not what Sam?". Andy didn't bother turning to face him, she wouldn't have the strength to still walk away if she did.

"Why haven't we ever been friends?".

"Sam...".

She really did not want to have this part of the conversation, divulge her secrets to have her heart broken again.

"Why not?". Sam voice was a whisper in her ear, his breath fanning out into her hair when he spoke. He was close, really close, and she hadn't even heard him walk over to her.

"It's complicated". She was avoiding it, and most definitely didn't want to say it. Before when she said it, she added that he didn't have to say it back, or say anything, she just wanted him to know. But now, having heard him say it once, she desperately wanted to hear him say it again.

"So un-complicate it for me then".

Sam was guessing here, taking a shot in the dark. He had no idea what he was doing, but if there was even a remote chance that he could possibly hear her say what he wanted to hear her say, then there was no way he was going to let the opportunity slip past him.

"We've always been more Sam, never friends, even when we were partners, it was always more".

"And now?". Her words did little to subside the anticipation he had welling up in him, the longing he had to hear her say something different.

"You added the label of friends". Andy snapped out, stepping out of Sam's personal space to feel the sudden chill replace his warmth.

"And if I said that was another mistake I made?".

Andy whirled around, her eyes snapping to search Sam's as she tried to make sense of his words.

"So now you don't want that? Is it because of Luke, because I already told you it wasn't a date. He was trying to build a friendship there Sam, he went a little overboard, but that was just to make you jealous, there was never a chance of that happening because...". Andy clamped her mouth shut just in time to stop the words she was attempting to keep in from escaping.

Sam's eyes were smiling at her babbling, her unintentionally giving him all he needed to know without actually saying the words.

"You are jealous aren't you? You thought that I was going back down that road so you backed off. Sam that was never what I wanted...".

Andy's voice trailed off as she looked up at Sam, his face looking hopeful yet restrained as he had one eyebrow arched up and Andy would swear he was wearing a smirk.

Andy pinched her eyes closed just for a split second, her lip between her teeth as it gently gnawed on the soft skin.

Her mind raced out of control, there were so many different ways to do this, yet here they were back right where it started.

The Penny.

The parkinglot.

The rain.

Andy opened her eyes to find Sam watching her with a twinkle in his eyes, the one that had been missing for as long as she could remember, back from when before she left.

"Andy...I...". Sam's voice was cut short as his phone leaped to life in his pocket, his hand instinctively reaching for it in case it was work.

He found his nephews name flashing across the screen when he opened the new text alert, to feel his heart stop in one single beat.

Reading the words over and over again, Sam's mind spanned across the vast possibilities that those words meant.

'Uncle Sammy, u gotta come home!'.

Looking at Andy, Sam felt torn between finishing what they finally started, and leaving.

There were no other details other than he had to come home, and if his sixteen year old nephew though he needed to come home, Sam knew it was serious.

Sarah raised a clever kid.

"Andy...I've got to go, I'm sorry". Sam whispered before turning away and making his way back over the few feet they had covered between where they were and where the truck was

"Sam?".

"Not now Andy" Sam barked out to see Andy shrink away as her feet stopped following him.

"Then when?". Sam pulled the door of his truck open to hear Andy's voice again sounding broken when she whispered.

"Sam...if you leave now that's it, it's done. Over". She couldn't even look at him as she spoke, instead her face turned towards the quiet street.

"Andy, I have got to go, I'm sorry, but this...this is me being me". Sam slammed the door closed before driving away like he was possessed, Andy not missing that he turned away from his house and headed in the opposite direction.

As Sam reached the city limits, he thought over Andy's words as they repeated through his mind 'Sam...if you leave now that's it, it's done, over' and he felt his heart tear in two. He felt the self loathing creep back into him for doing the same thing he had done to her before, but maybe she would allow him the chance to explain when he knew what was wrong, because from the few words in the text, something was seriously wrong.

Andy watched Sam drive away, cursing herself for the ultimatum she had issued him so stupidly.

"Aaarggg!". She groaned out as Sam's backlights faded into the night.

What was she thinking saying that? Saying what she didn't mean?

She was tired of hoping, tired of waiting, and right when she thinks they're finally about to get somewhere, Sam takes off.

If this was how life with them was meant to be it sorely sucked!

*******okay, so let me know what you think in another one of those awesome thoughts you leave by using the little box underneath here - .͡▹**

**Have an awesome day!**

**Jelly Bean Jenna©**


	11. I'd Come For You

**As always, thanks for the awesome reviews you guys make my day with!**

**Thanks to the regulars & Kelly2727, & welcome to the newbies!**

**Thanks to Mahtra for shadowing so awesomly!**

**Chapter 11- I'd Come For You**

Andy sat staring blankly at the tv screen. Some late night talk show was on, but she didn't have a clue which one, or what it was about.

After she had walked back into the Penny, Traci immediately sweept her into a tight hug, when all she could whisper was 'He left'. They grabbed their burgers for take away, Traci didn't need to drag her out the door to get her home.

Traci offered to stay, but Andy declined, she needed time to think.

Sam's sudden departure left her feeling lost, confused and a little less hopeful than she had been with where things seemed to be going with Sam.

Her phone suddenly buzzed, reclaiming her attention from the trail of thoughts it was following.

Seeing Sam's name across the screen came as a bit of an unexpected surprise when she opened the text icon.

'Do you trust me?'.

What the hell kind of question was that?

Andy stared at the screen, unsure of how to intemperate the words.

Her fingers moved before her brain had time to filter the letters her fingertips typed.

'With my life, everyday'.

Andy hit the send button, and pinched her eyes closed, that was really the truth, that was really what she trusted him with.

'If I asked you to come here, right now would you?'.

Andy felt sick as she read the words as soon as they appeared, shaking her head at what her eyes were seeing.

'Depends'. Andy sent back not sure of where here was, or why he suddenly wanted her there. Was Sam attempting to make some kind of booty call?

The thought caused her to giggle.

'Rephrase- would you come here if I said I needed you here?'.

Andy's heart shuddered at that, Sam admitting he needed her wherever he was, making her mind race to the possibility that he was in trouble.

'Where's here Sam?'. She was still clueless as to why he would suddenly tell her that he needed her, making her wonder if it was more than trouble, if something was wrong.

'St Catherines'.

Andy's heart stopped when she saw his reply, making her instantly feel like she had made a big mistake by giving him an ultimatum when he left because something was wrong.

Something was obviously wrong.

'Do you want me there?'. Andy fired off the words as her mind tried to come up with a way to actually get to St Catherines, while she tried to hold back on calling him and asking what was wrong.

'Yup?'.

Andy could tell that Sam was hesitant in asking her to come. He seemed to be restraining himself from calling her, keeping whatever reason he wanted her there to himself for now.

Andy had stood up, and was pacing around between the kitchen and the lounge, her mind going from zero to sixty in less than one second flat.

'Call Oliver, battery flat'.

Andy immediately did just that, knowing that Sam wouldn't get her reply if she asked if he was okay, or asked anything else.

"McNally". Oliver's voice was hushed, not at all strange considering that it was eleven pm.

"Give me half an hour okay, oh and pack a bag?".

Oliver hung up on her, not waiting for a reply, causing Andy to go into subtle panic as she took off to her bedroom.

Andy waited for thirty minutes before going outside to find Oliver parked and waiting, a grim expression on his face.

"Oliver?".

"Hey McNally". Oliver said as she climbed into the passenger seat after putting her bag on the back seat next to another one that was already there.

"He called and asked if I would lend you my car to drive down, so you're going to drop me at home and then head straight out. GPS is already programmed".

"Oliver is he in trouble? Is it Sarah?".

"I don't know McNally, his battery was really low so he just asked me to come get you and the stuff in the bag".

His words made Andy smile, Sam knew she would come. Maybe that's why he chose to use the word 'need' and admitted to wanting her there.

The rest of the drive was made in silence, Oliver concentrating on the road as Andy let her mind run wild.

Outside Oliver's house, he pulled to a stop before they climbed out and Andy rounded the car to the drivers side, Oliver holding something out to her.

"Sam's emergency credit card, in case you need more gas, but I just filled it up. Or food or anything on the way".

Andy shook her head, "It's okay Oliver, I've got cash...".

"Sam asked me to give it to you, so just take it. He...uh...might need it?".

Andy got the feeling that Oliver knew more than he was saying, the word emergency not being missed even though he tried to say it so casually.

"Okay". Andy said, slipping the card into the door panel before climbing in, Oliver holding the door open.

"McNally, look I know you were trying to talk to him when he left rather abruptly, just don't be too hard on him okay?". Oliver said as Andy rolled down the window and put her seat belt on, after Oliver gently pushed the door closed.

"Oliver, is he okay? What am I driving into here?". Andy was getting really worried now, Oliver seemed to know way more for sure.

"Andy, just go, and drive safe okay? Sam needs you there now. If you guys need anything call me...or just call me anyway". Oliver stepped back from the car window, Andy taking the signal to pull away and drive towards St Catherines.

Andy knew she shouldn't really be driving, considering it was doctors orders, but right now the only thought about that, was screw doctors orders.

Sam sat in another hard plastic chair, in another white hallway, tiredness being replaced by so many other emotions he didn't know where to go or what to do.

He'd been sitting there for two hours, regretting his decision to leave Andy the way he did too.

He should have explained then and there why he had to leave, instead of just bottling it in and shutting her out.

Truth be told, he wasn't ready to do this again, wasn't ready to do this without her. Last time, with Jerry she was there, even if he tried shutting her out and pulling away, she was there, she tried he just wouldn't let her in.

Sending the text he was doubtful that she would reply, she was probably so pissed at him right now, and she had every right to be.

But he wouldn't know until he tried. So he sent the text.

Before Jerry, there was never anyone in close ranks that he had lost, sure he'd lost friends along the way, but never anyone close, and with Jerry she was there, helping him keep his shit together.

He only lost it afterwards.

Andy kept him grounded, just standing close to him, although he would walk away, and then avoiding her came into play. But she was still there, across the room, or on the other side of the bar.

She was there, and he needed her here now, or he was afraid that he just might start pulling apart at the seams.

When her reply came, he sensed the hesitancy that was behind her words.

Sending another one, 'If I asked you to come here, right now would you?'. - Sam's mind suddenly hit rock bottom as he thought about her saying no.

He wouldn't handle that really well, not now.

Even though they were exchanging texts and Andy hadn't yet said no, the fear of it still happening raged through Sam until he just told her to call Oliver.

She hadn't said no yet, but she hadn't said yes either.

He felt a little proud of himself for admitting the fact to her that he needed her here, and that he wanted her here, because truth be know he couldn't do this without her.

Though they were not in a good place- yet, Sam really had no idea of what else to do. He wondered when he became so reliant on her being such a stable part of his life, how had he even coped without her being so close for almost eight months and gone for six of those.

Pinching his eyes closed, he let his mind wonder to if she would come or not, and what he would do if she did.

This was one thing that scared him when they were still a couple, bringing her home to meet the family, simply because of the fact that he actually wanted to do just that.

And now, they were out of time, now being the only time he had left to do just that.

Only this time everything was not how it was supposed to be. He wasn't supposed to be here like this. His family was supposed to be whole and happy. And he wanted to introduce her, as more.

He never wanted to introduce Andy to his family under circumstances like these.

"Uncle Sammy, it's time". Malcolm's voice whispered as Sam felt the air around him move as his nephew stood up.

"Be back soon". Malcolm said shifting the weight of his sister from one hip to the other before he walked away in silence.

Sam watched them walk away, Katie peering over Malcolm's shoulder to wave bye to Sam, who couldn't help but smile and let his hand rise up to do the same.

Andy parked the car in the parking lot, her heart hammering away as she suddenly found it really hard to breath. Light tremors took over her hands as she had pulled up outside the hospital to hear the GPS voice say "You have reached your destination, St Catherines General Hospital".

Parking the car, Andy was out in a flash, her hand shaking as she put the key in the door to lock it.

Her feet carried her through the front door of the hospital on autopilot, her nerves in hyperdrive, yet her mind surprisingly blank.

"Andy?". Andy heard her name come from an unfamiliar voice, looking to the left she gasped at the sight of a very young Sam holding a little girl as they stepped forwards.

The kid looked just like Sam, the eyes the hair even the dimples.

"Yeah?". Andy tried to hide her confusion, but it showed as the kid let out a laugh at her flustered face.

"Uncle Sammy said you'd do that" he turned around shaking his head and walked towards the elevator, Andy in tow.

The ding of the elevator made Andy jump, she kept her eyes focused on the kids next to her, the little girl hanging on to the teens shoulders a little tighter when Andy followed, her eyes never moving from Andy.

Stepping out the elevator, Andy followed the kids, the knot tightening in her stomach an they weaved through the hallways of the third floor.

Andy caught sight of Sam standing with his back to her, he seemed engaged in a conversation with a man and someone Andy couldn't see.

Andy's legs became heavy as her steps faltered, effectively halting her attempt to walk any further, so she just stopped and stood in the middle of the hallway.

Sam was lost in the conversation, the outside world becoming irrelevant for the time being.

Eyes peered around him, the conversation ceasing in its tracks, when suddenly 'She's really beautiful Sam' was blurted out.

Sam spun around to find Andy trying to manage a weak smile in their direction, her hands in her back pockets as she stood in the middle of nowhere.

She looked so unsure that Sam suddenly felt bad for not going down to meet her at the guessed time of arrival after Oliver called to say she just left.

Sam walked towards Andy, suddenly swept up in relief that she was here, even though Oliver had told him she was on her way. He had worried that she would change her mind and turn around, leaving him to his own devices.

"Hi". Her voice was soft as he stopped in front of her, her smile becoming the minutest hint of bigger as he stopped inches away from her.

"Hi". Sam heard the word come out more like a breath of relief, than an actual word, as he suddenly found a hand tugging his.

Looking down Sam found Katie holding her hands up to him, she wanted up, and when she wanted up, he was more than happy to oblige.

Sweeping her up in one swooshing motion, Sam heard her giggle escape immediately bringing his lost smile back.

*******So...they're finally getting somewhere!**

*******okay, so let me know what you think in another one of those awesome thoughts you leave by using the little box underneath here - .͡▹**

**Have an awesome day!**

**Jelly Bean Jenna©**


	12. I Need You

**As always, thanks for all the awesome reviews,! I have the best readers in any fandom!**

**Thanks to the amazing regulars & Kelly2727!**

**Thanks to Mahtra for shadowing!**

**Welcome to the newbies! **

**Chapter 12- I Need You**

Turning to see Andy, Katie wiggled in Sam's arms before leaning in to whisper in his ear.

"This is my...Andy McNally". As soon as the words were out Sam realized that he should have maybe inserted. 'Friend' in there somewhere.

"Hi". Andy said letting her smile beam towards the toddler.

"This is My Katie-Bear". Sam said smiling as another giggle escaped the tiny lips.

"Annie-Nally". She giggled out, causing a round of laughs to sound from Andy and Sam.

The second Sam was close enough for Andy to take his image in, she drew in a sharp breath before sighing it out.

He looked so lost, so tired and defeated.

His shoulders were slumped and his body spoke of grieve a text message could never convey.

Andy had the sudden urge to reach out and hug him, no matter what the consequences of that action might be.

"Gimme a second?". Sam's voice sounded so down, so stressed.

Andy nodded as Sam walked away, handing Katie over to a woman who had her back turned to Andy, and a guy that kept looking at the woman and then at her and back again, making Andy really rather uncomfortable.

Andy watched as Sam handed the little girl over to the guy, before she saw his hands lift in the familiar signs she had become so used to seeing him do with...

Wait what?

Andy shook her head as realization dawned on her just as Sam and the woman walked back towards her.

The woman was obviously Sarah, so then why or who were they here for?

"Andy...this is Sarah". Sam said stating the obvious. The woman was the splitting image of Sam and the kid that met her downstairs.

"Hi". Andy added a wave, uncertain of whether Sarah could read lips like Shay could.

Sarah's hand moved as she turned slightly towards Sam, before waving back to Andy and moving to join her family that seemed to have a temporary residence on the chairs directly opposite the ICU.

"Can we...um talk?". Sam said, Andy's eyes flipping from Sarah to him.

Andy nodded, she really didn't have much of a voice right now.

Sam took hold of her hand and led her down the hallway, towards the elevator in silence.

The trip downstairs was made in silence too, only the ding of the elevator being heard.

Sam's hand never left hers, he kept a tight grip on in as if he was expecting Andy to run.

Leading Andy out a side doorway once they were on the ground floor, Sam took a deep breath as he tried to steady himself for the next few minutes of his life.

This was never how he planned on this going, and after his abrupt departure earlier, Sam didn't even really have much hope that Andy would hear him out, or give him a chance to make it up to her.

Sam pulled Andy by the hand until he found a deserted side of the hospital, a low wall running along the edge of the walkway that led wherever.

"Sam...?". Andy wanted to ask more, ask him if he was okay, ask him why he was here and why she was here, but nothing came out, her question ending with only his name being uttered.

"I'm sorry, I left earlier, like that, Malcolm sent me a text to come home, and I knew something was wrong, so I just left". Sam spun Andy around to face him, he needed her to know he was never more sorry for shutting her out than he was right now.

"Sam, its okay, you had to go, I shouldn't have said what I did, I didn't mean it, I was just so angry that you were leaving and after everything you said...".

Stop!

Her mind screamed, now was not the time to get in to this.

"I don't blame you for saying it Andy, I deserved it for treating you badly again. But that's not what I want to talk about..."

Sam's face turned serious, making Andy's hands fumble with imaginary threads as she dropped her head, leaning against the wall that made it up to just under her rear end, as her hands, now free of Sam's grasp spread out beside her clutching the cold bricks.

"I'm glad you came Andy, coz right now I don't know if I could do this without you". Sam's voice was raspy, like he was barely holding it together.

"Sam, I don't even know why I'm here".

Sam's hand took hold of one of Andy's, clutching on to it really tightly, as though without it, he would drift away.

"Andy, I want...no I need you to meet someone"

Andy watched as Sam struggled with the words, his breathing coming out in huffed pants as he tried to say something so simple that was obviously so hard.

Andy's mind raced back to the bodies filling the hallway, Sarah was there with her husband and her children, so who did that leave to meet?

Andy didn't really care, she nodded, committing herself to Sam's need for her to do this.

Whatever or whoever it was, they seemed really important to Sam, so if it was that important to him, she would do it, no questions asked.

"I know...I don't deserve to ask you to do this, but it's... It's really important to me, and this will be the last window of opportunity to do thi..."

"Sam, it's okay, if you need me to do this, I'll do it….." Andy cut him off, she'd had already agreed to it, so why was he so edgy and confirming her acceptance repeatedly?

"Andy, I don't only need you to do this, but I want to do this….. but only with you….." Sam's ramblings made no sense, and started scaring her.

"Sam, I'll do it, but stop, you're scaring me"

"I'm sorry, Andy, this is just really hard"

Andy squeezed his hand in reassurance, before asking the question that had been plaguing her mind since she left Oliver's house.

"Sam, who do you want me to meet?"

Andy watched as horror suddenly filled Sam's face, his skin turning a shade paler.

"um….My…" Sam couldn't finish the words, it was just too hard to use the word that associated them so closely.

Without thinking, Andy leaned forwards and rested her forehead against Sam's chin, and waited.

She would wait as long as it took for him to do this, simply because that's what he needed.

Andy felt Sam exhale a deep breath into her hair, before he stepped back, just a fraction.

His eyes clouded over in sadness, clear signs of heartbreak visible.

"My...Mother". Sam finally managed to sputter out, his eyes closing to bring reprieve from the moment.

Andy felt her heart break with two simple words.

"You figured out we grew up in foster care right?". Sam's voice broke through the somber silence that filled the air around them.

Andy nodded, it was something she suspected, but that he never came right out and said.

"We were put in foster care...We'll she was finding her escape in crack and alcohol after my dad went to jail, so when child services found out, we went into the system.

Sarah tracked her down about ten years ago, and let her move in, she was sick by then, but had a good way of keeping it covered up.

She's...um...the doctor says its just...she won't...a couple days". Sam's voice broke off, wavering to sound like a little boy.

"Sam I'm so sorry...". Andy had never been good with words, and finding some now to say...there just weren't any.

"I just...you know, her to meet you before...".

That made cold chills run through Andy, as Sam looked away, finding the moment uncomfortable.

He was baring his soul and he didn't know how to deal with it.

"Sam... I don't know if I can...". Although she had agreed to it, Andy felt that the situation did not warrant her attendance, this was a family matter, why did Sam want her to be a part of it?

"Andy, I know I'm asking a lot here, but I really want her to meet you, and you her okay. If you can't do it because you don't want to..."

"No! Sam that's not it! I...this is like a family matter, I get you need a friend now, but meeting your mom before...".

Okay that, did not go as well as she intended.

"Andy, I don't need a friend here, I need you, and you're here".

"Okay, then….when?" Andy knew she would give in, even though the moment was so private and Sam wanted to share it with her, it was just so surreal.

"Now?" Sam didn't know how much time his mother had left, it could be hours could be a few days, but considering that she had asked to meet Andy, Sam would at least allow her that.

Andy seemed shocked at Sam's urge to do it now, at two a.m., but she could sense his need to pacify himself.

"She's having total organ failure, everything is shutting down. Dialysis isn't working anymore, she has water on her lungs, and the strain on her heart... She has started running a fever, it just doesn't look good. The doctor said a few days at most, and she's fully aware of the fact that she won't be around much longer, so she sort of asked to meet you"

"Your mother wants to meet me? As in you've told her about…." Andy's face suddenly lit in flaming red, a giggle barely making its way to her lips before it became a muffled sound instead.

"Will you do this?" Sam asked pulling Andy's hand still clutched in his a little closer when she nodded, relief flooding his senses.

She had every reason to back out at any given time, no excuses needed.

Sam knew he hadn't given her a reason to want to do this, but he was grateful that she was sweeping the bad place they were in under the rug, just for the moment.

Andy watched Sam's face become flooded with hope, her heart breaking a little at seeing him again try and stand strong when he was cracking and splintering on the inside.

Andy stepped away, letting her hand still hold on to Sam's tightly as she let their arms lift and span out across the distance she had put between them. Tugging his hand, Andy stepped backwards towards the direction of the door that would lead them back inside, a firm look of derermination flickering over her face as they moved past the outer building lights that lit up the narrow walkway.

They moved in silence, their feet carrying them back inside, retracing their footsteps until they were in the hallway outside the ICU.

Sarah moved over to them as soon as she caught sight of them approaching.

As she joined them in standing her hands flew into forming words in silence, Sam reluctantly letting go of Andy's hand to reply.

Andy felt Sarah's gaze burn through her as she kept casting wayward glances in her direction as she spoke to Sam, her lips tugging up in amusement at one stage, Andy feeling the heat of her blush as it seeped over her pale skin.

"Sarah asked if we'd prefer Malcolm's room or a motel?"

Sam's lips tugged up just a little as Andy suddenly pulled her hand free of Sam's as she felt the full intensity of the blush sweep over her face as Sarah glanced between them blankly, giving Andy the feeling that those were not the words she had used.

Turning back to Andy, Sam's face slipped and fell as he reached out his hand for her to take, the silent question of if she was ready entwined in his simple action.

*********Thanks for reading!**

*******okay, so let me know what you think in another one of those awesome thoughts you leave by using the little box underneath here - .͡▹**

**Have an awesome day!**

**Jelly Bean Jenna©**


	13. Permission

**To all my awesome readers, thanks for rocking my world!**

**Thanbks as always to Kelly2727 & all the regulars & Mahtra! **

**Welcome to the newbies! **

**Chapter 13- Permission**

Sam saw the determination set in on Andy's face, her strong side shining through before a tiny bit of worry flickered through her eyes.

Her features faded to a little fear, mingled with a little apprehension as she let her hand snake out to find Sam's.

Sam looked towards Sarah, to find her nodding before tugging on Andy's hand gently enough to lead her forwards towards the doors of the ICU.

Once on the other side of the doors, Andy felt her stomach turn and do flip flops.

She felt nervous as Sam had tugged her hand towards the ICU doors, it increasing with each small step she took. She knew Sam had a mother, but didn't have the faintest idea that she was still alive or a part of his life.

Until now.

His mothers state was taking its toll on him, the cracks in his strong facade beginning to show.

Andy took a deep breath as Sam held the door open for her, reality setting in on her as she stepped through the doorway.

Sam led her down the hall, stopping outside a white door, the windows lining the wall closed to hide its occupant with the blinds being shut.

Andy stood in front of the door, her mind conjuring up all sorts of images as to how Sam's mom would look, her imagination running wild as she tried to picture a mixture between Sam, Sarah, Malcolm and Katie.

Her mind stilled as Sam leaned around her, his hand turning the door handle before gently pushing it open enough for Andy to see a dark haired woman sitting up in bed.

Andy stepped to the side, giving Sam enough space to pass her and enter the room as she watched the woman's face brighten at seeing Sam.

"Sammy". The woman's voice was raspy, an exaggerated sigh filing out after she let his name slip.

The incessant beeping of her heart monitor staggered slightly, before it evened out when her eyes fell on Andy, a warm smile gracing her lips that caused her dark eyes to twinkle as she gathered who Andy was.

Sam stepped forwards, still holding Andy's hand in a firm grip as he made his way over to his mothers bedside, Andy in tow.

"So you finally brought her home". The woman was beaming as her eyes remained focused on Andy, even though she was addressing Sam.

Andy felt embarrassment creep up her cheeks at the woman's words, Sam suddenly giving her hand a squeeze as though he felt the nervousness radiate off of her.

"Yeah, I guess I did". Sam's voice suddenly broke the silence that engulfed the room.

"Mom, this is Andy, Andy my mother Molly". Sam added, waving a hand between them.

Andy stepped towards the woman, a shy smile on her face as she raised her free hand to wave.

"Glad you finally got her here". Sam's mom said before wheezing into a fit of coughs.

Andy glanced worridly towards Sam as he let go of her hand to move over to his mom and sit on the bed slightly behind her, his hand moving up and down her back.

Andy watched the simple action, the venerable side of Sam showing without him trying to hide it behind a strong facade or stoic expression.

Her eyes were glued to Sam as he began whispering soothing words in his mothers ears as she struggled to regain her breath, her pale face a slight shade of red from the exasperated coughing.

When Sam let his eyes look up towards Andy, she felt her heart come to a stop. The soft rhythm of her steady heartbeat stammering to a screeching halt as she saw the raw emotion and heartbreak fill his eyes and cloud over his face. For the first time, she could see why the eyes were called the windows to the soul, and right now, Sam's soul was breaking.

Sam tore his eyes away as his mother whispered back, her hand coming up to rub the one he had rested on her arm.

Andy saw Sam's head nod up and down before he said something and stood up off the end of the bed, and moving back over to her.

"She um...I'm...gonna go?". Sam was having trouble finding words as he stopped in front of Andy, his sadness still engrossed across his features.

But yet Andy didn't need a string of words to understand what Sam was trying to tell her, what his failing words were trying to convey.

Andy nodded, her eyes sweeping to the floor, before looking back at him, hoping that he would in turn understand the silent message she was trying to return.

"You sure? You don't have...". Sam was failing to hide his nervousness, his voice being cut off by Andy's fingertips as they came to silence his lips by resting lightly against them.

"I'm sure, and I want to...you know, get to know her".

Sam nodded, a slight smile cracking over the corners of his lips.

"Okay, I'm gonna go get us some coffee, I'll be right outside". Sam moved his lips just out of reach from Andy's hanging hand so that his words would be clear rather than muffled.

Andy nodded, dropping her hand as she realized how personal the action had been.

Sam sidestepped Andy, leaving the room without a backwards glance as he pulled the door closed behind him.

Andy felt every nerve ending tingle as she glided across the floor towards Molly who patted the side of her bed and looked hopeful that Andy would respond by sitting down next to her.

Andy tried to subdue the embarrassed look she knew was crossing her face as she took her seat on the bed to be met with another warm smile.

"I've always wanted to meet the rookie that burned my son so badly, he's still in flames".

Andy's eyes widened at Molly's statement, not quite sure of how it was meant to be taken.

Did she mean Sam was still peeved about having his undercover blown, or was it meant to be more personal?

Did Molly even know that there wasn't anything personal between them anymore?

"You know that right?". Molly whispered again, her breath coming out in fanning huffs.

Andy wasn't sure how to respond to that comment either, so instead she remained silent, her lip being nibbled softly to keep her voice from blurting out the obvious question.

"I just wanted to say thank you for getting my boy out of doing those long stints undercover... For making him stable".

Andy watched as Molly's eyes misted over as her hands came out to reach for hers, the cold wrinkled skin still enthralled with loving warmth.

"I...That was all Sam". Andy managed to whisper out as she found her voice.

"Oh honey, you really are clueless". Molly's voice held a hint of amusement, her lips curving up to reveal deep dimples for the first time.

"Its not hard to see why he's so...taken with you".

Andy dropped her head as her face flushed in flames.

"I just have one question for you?".

Andy waited with bated breath as Molly requested permission to further the conversation, she just had a feeling that she was about to be put on the spot in a serious way.

"Would you ever forgive him?".

Molly's question made Andy suck in a shocked breath, she had never imagined that the question would be anything near that.

She was also shocked that Sam had divulged information to his Mother in view of just how south things went between them.

"I...I don't understand why things went the way they did, you know, with us, but I don't have to forgive him, I did the day I walked away, only question is...one of the questions I have is will he ever forgive me for Jerry? Or walking away when he was trying so hard to...". Andy's voice cracked as she thought back to the bad memories she tried so hard to suppress.

Even though Sam had told her he didn't blame her for Jerry, but that he blamed himself, would he ever forgive her for letting go so easily, for not trying harder to be there when he needed her?

"Something you need to know about Sammy is, when he let's you in, he's never going to let you out. He lost his best friend and when you were there, he just didn't know how to handle it. Dealing with that for the first time was hard on him, having someone be there for him was hard, but letting you go was even harder, but he thought he was doing the right thing, doing what was best for you, and only realized it was a mistake when it was too late, and then he didn't know how to fix it".

Andy's eyes were focused on Molly, her gaze never wavering as she listened intently.

"Sammy thought you were getting too close, so by letting you go he thought he was keeping his heart from breaking, but instead he just screwed that up too".

Wow, Molly seemed to know a lot more than she let on she did.

"Andy, the day Sammy bought the bike, I drove down there to see what was wrong, because he only does that when something is seriously wrong. The minute I walked into the garage and saw his face, I knew it was about a woman, or more accurately about you. I haven't been a big part of my kids lives, but I knew when I saw the spring in his step was gone, and the fire in his eyes had faded, and even then, as a mother I knew...I knew he broke his own heart by shutting you out and pushing you away, because that's what he does, with anyone that he cares about, anyone that's close enough to hold his heart enough to break it".

Andy had trouble wrapping her mind around Molly's words.

Everything Molly was saying was in total contradiction to everything Sam had told her, the word friends ringing through Andy's mind as she suddenly felt reality crash any hope that Molly's words were bringing her.

"I know I'm laying a lot out there right now, but this is the only shot I'll ever have to fix what I broke, he's like he is because of what I did, and I can never take that back, never change turning him into such a detached person. You changed that in him, because you're a good soul Andy. Never lose that part of yourself no matter what".

Andy felt her eyes tear up as she listened to Molly blame herself for the life she had given her children.

"Oh no, you didn't...you helped Sam become the person he is today, made him want to be a cop, help people". Andy tried to phrase her words correctly to prevent them from coming out and adding blame.

"No Andy, I screwed up my kids lives because I couldn't cope, couldn't do it alone, but for the first time since Sammy let me back in his life, I've seen my son happy and I don't want him to loose that".

Andy felt Molly squeeze her hands, her breathing becoming more labored after her extensive talk.

Andy's mind went from sixty to zero in less than a split second. Her thoughts whirring to a dead stop as she tried to absorb what Molly was saying. She had spoken with such confidence and self assurance that Andy knew she truly believed what she was saying without a doubt.

"I...I don't think that it's like how you see things, Sam sees us as friends, and right now we're working on just getting that part right". Andy did not want to leave the woman to think that things were good, when she herself didn't even know how things were.

Molly smiled, her dimples flaring in similar fashion to Sam's.

"You know, before you two were actually anything more than partners, he came home and was there but wasn't with us, like he was stuck in some kind of a daze". Molly let out a soft giggle as she let the memories flood over her.

"One day we were having breakfast, when Sammy was visiting, and I asked him what you look like, and he said "Beautiful" before he realized what he said. He was right too, but with you it goes beyond that, you're a kind gentle soul, you're honest and passionate, and when Sammy come home all banged up, after he got made with that Brennan case, he changed". Molly let her words hang as she stifled a cough, her hand motioning for the water next to her bed, which Andy poured into the glass and handed over without being asked.

After taking a long sip, Molly handed Andy the glass back, before taking a deep breath and letting her words flow again.

"I always said he'd marry a girl with long dark hair and eyes so deep, he would see her soul".

Andy let out a sputtering cough at Molly's last sentence, the woman simply had no shame.

"I don't think...". Andy's words wouldn't even form before coming out as she shook her head violently.

"What? You don't think it's you?". Molly's tone was similar to Sam's TO tone, although her lips were still pulled up.

"Nope, defiantly not".

"Okay, but can I ask you to do one thing for me?".

Andy nodded as Molly pulled her hands free, sliding down the bed in an attempt to change her position.

"Give him the chance Andy. Listen even when he isn't talking, I saw the way you two talk out words, you had a whole conversation without moving your lips".

Andy swallowed her giggle as she found it so disbelieving that someone that met her for the first time in the same room with Sam, could know so much, and see what she thought was so well hidden.

"It's there, he's telling you, you just need to listen. Keep challenging him, hold him close and never let go, but most of all you need to let him in".

"It's not that easy, that trust that was there is gone...I don't know if I can do that again". Andy's voice was hardly audible over the beeping of Molly's heart monitor, yet her voice betrayed the emotion she had gotten so good at keeping locked away.

"But you want too?".

Andy shrugged when she knew she should have nodded, when she wanted to nod.

"Then tell him that".

Well Andy knew where Sam got his pushy side from.

A light knock on the door caused Andy to turn and see Sarah standing in the doorway, a sad smile on her face as she crossed the threshold and closed the door behind her.

When she was close enough, Sarah signed towards her mother, while watching Andy.

Molly shook her head, making the hopeful look on Sarah's face diminish before the forced smile made a reappearance.

Sarah's hands moved again, this time in rapid succession, her face turning to seek Molly out completely.

"It's her choice Sarah, we can't force her. And no I didn't tell her, and do not meddle! She needs to figure it out on her own".

Molly spoke slowly, towards Sarah, ignoring the fact that Andy was still sitting there while they were talking about her.

"Andy, just remember what I said okay? And thank you! For getting Sammy back, and for coming".

Andy smiled, before waving her hand in the direction of the door before excusing herself.

The conversation Molly had with her, or rather at her still playing on auto repeat as she slipped out the door to find Sam waiting on a chair across from the ICU.

"Can we talk?". Andy's tone was cold as she bent down a little to stop from drawing attention to them as the hallway seemed to be filing with more staff, whispering in Sam's ear.

"Now?". Sam said as he stood up and held out a coffee towards her, his stoic mask slipping in to place as he felt the fearsome thought bubble to the surface.

"Yeah?". Andy was looking nervous as she wrapped her arms around her waist and let her eyes seek out the floor.

"Okay, we'll talk at Sarah's? I told her I'd take the kids home so they can get some sleep when you came out...if that's okay?".

Andy nodded as Sam watched her intensely, his eyes shifting from hers, to her lips and back again as though he was expecting more words to flow out, words like 'I'm leaving'.

"You sure?". Sam asked, his voice making Andy shift around uncomfortably as she realized he was giving her an out, giving her the option to run, or back away.

Relief swept over him as he saw her nod, reassurance of her following through with her intention of talking.

"Okay I'm gonna get them...". Sam said pointing to Malcolm huddled in a chair asleep, with Katie mirroring his state on his lap.

Sam went over to Malcolm and roused him, before walking over to Sarah's husband and taking the set of keys he held out. After bidding farewell, Sam walked up to Andy before putting his hand on the small of her back, and walking down the way Malcolm had left carrying a sleeping Katie.

Sam pulled his hand away, as soon as Andy took a step forward, the space between them wider than it had been when they had spoken anytime earlier.

Sam had the urge to reach out and take hold of Andy's hand, just to feel her there, but the urge was being suppressed by the fact that she seemed distant, and a little cold, making him wonder if leaving her with his mother was such a good idea.

When they hit the cool morning air, Andy felt the shivers run up her spine as the coldness and dampness of the air swept around them.

Sam told Malcolm to wait inside the main doorway while he went to fetch the truck, before asking Andy to meet him at the door with Oliver's car, to which she just nodded before walking away.

Watching her retreating form, Sam couldn't help but wonder if he had made another mistake by asking her to come.

Shaking the thought from his mind, he knew it wasn't a mistake, neither was admitting to her that he not only wanted her here, but needed her here.

He just hoped that she wouldn't feel that being here was a mistake.

********Thanks for reading!**

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	14. Sweet Moments

**As always, thanks for rocking my world with your awesome reviews!**

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**A/N: Merry christmas to everyone for next week, if you going away, have a safe trip! **

**Chapter 14- Sweet Moments**

The drive to Sarah's house felt like it took forever, as Andy followed Sam.

The butterflies in her stomach seemed to flutter into full flight mode as she watched Sam pull into the long driveway before cutting the truck's engine and racing to open the door for Malcolm who was still clutching a sleeping Katie.

Andy copied Sam's actions and killed the cars engine, before climbing out and lingering around the car debating on whether or not to lug the bags in, and more specifically hers.

Sam's sudden appearance cut her internal argument when he arrived and reached around her to open the door, grab both bags, and reentered the house.

Locking the doors, Andy followed, stepping hesitantly into the house as its warmth enveloped her the second her shoes met the carpet, as she stepped tentatively into the house.

Wondering around in the lounge, Andy found photos lining the walls, all the way up the stairwell. The homey feeling that filled the house made her suddenly miss having both her parents around growing up.

"You okay?". Sam's voice suddenly drew Andy's attention back to reality from her wishful daydreams.

Clearing her throat before she answered, "Yup".

"You hungry?".

Andy shook her head, she was far from hungry, but she could definately do with coffee, having abandoned her cold coffee at the hospital on the way out.

"Coffee?". Sam could still read her really well.

As Andy nodded, Sam pointed a hand down the hallway towards the stairs, before speaking again.

"If you want to grab a shower, second door on the left. I left your bag in the room on the right".

"Thanks". Andy opened her mouth to find no sound come out. So she walked away to pull herself together as she headed up the stairs.

Twenty minutes later, Andy made her way downstairs to find Sam pouring coffee, before he whipped around and handed her a cup.

"Thanks".

Andy noticed that he too was freshly showered, his hair still glistening with a dark sheen, and his cologne wafting over to her.

Sam nodded towards the couches, so Andy moved towards them before sitting down, her features schooled as she found Sam sitting next to her, his eyes trained forwards as if he was avoiding looking at her.

"She's really nice". Andy suddenly blurted after taking a sip of coffee.

Sam's head whirled around to show that her words had not kept from unaffected him.

"Sorry...". Andy mumbled looking away, to notice a little pair of blue eyes watching her to her left.

"Sam?".

"Katie-Bear?". Sam set his coffee down and stood up, moving over to Katie as she stood watching Andy.

"Couldn't sleep?". Sam whispered gently as he bent down to see Katie at her own eye level as she shook her head in reply.

"Want to sit with me?". Katie shook her head again, before looking back at Andy, who felt her heart break at knowing the little girl wanted Sarah.

"Want to sit with me?". Andy asked without hesitation, as she held out her hand over the arm rest of the couch to see Katie smile a Swarek smile, before nodding and whipping a hand to the front of her, from behind her back, clutching a book.

Andy tried to ignore Sam's gaze as it changed to such an indifferent look that it unnerved her.

"Can we read that?". Andy asked pointing towards the book as Katie slipped a hand into hers before walking around to Andy between Sam and the couch and climbing on to Andy's lap.

While Katie made herself comfortable on Andy's lap, Sam resumed his seat next to them, his eyes glued to them as he took in the awe of seeing Katie go to a stranger.

As Andy began to read, Katie yawned and snuggled in closer, her wide, blue eyes becoming heavy as they began to sag.

Sam watched as time slipped by, Andy's voice barely above a whisper as she read while Katie dozed off.

He sat in silence lost in the sight, without even noticing that Andy's voice had trailed off, her eyes too closed as she let sleep ripple over her.

After an endless amount of time, Sam noticed that Andy had fallen asleep, Katie and her book clutched firmly against her.

Fumbling for his phone, Sam snapped a photo in time to see the phone start to flash a low battery warning again, before he shoved it back in his pocket and slid the book out of Andy's hand.

He let the book slide over the coffee table before trying to lift Andy's hand wrapped tightly around Katie as he stood up.

Andy's eyes opened, just for a second, as he whispered that he needed to take Katie to bed, causing Andy to let her arms free their tender grip on the three year old.

Sam took Katie back to bed and returned expecting to find Andy awake and still looking nervous, but instead found her still sound asleep on the couch.

"Andy". Sam restrained himself from reaching out and touching her, the need almost becoming overwhelming as it became unbearable and he finally reached out a hand to wipe the stray lock of hair away from her face.

"Mmmm".

"Andy, its time to go to bed". Sam tried again, when suddenly Andy sat up, stretching out over the couch, her eyes still closed as she snuggled into the couch.

Sitting down next to Andy, Sam found his hand on her shoulder as he tried to wake her unsuccessfully by touching her, she simply turned at his touch turned and lay over his lap, her head using his leg as a pillow as he let out a loud sigh and lifted his hands up to raise them in surrender.

Andy's hand found its way under Sam's thigh, neatly wrapping around it as she tried to hang on to it for some reason.

"Andy, you need to get some sleep". Sam was well aware of the fact that Andy shouldn't have been driving in the first place, and that she hadn't really rested since she had been discharged from the hospital.

"Sam, keep my pillow still and I'll get some sleep". Andy mumbled making Sam look down at her to find her eyes open and staring at him.

Sam watched as Andy's head lulled to the side, her sleeping posture resuming as his mind raced over the word pillow.

When she was in the hospital, she asked for her pillow, and now she just referred to his leg as her pillow.

What was up with that?

"Andy, do you want a pillow?".

"Mm-mm, I've got my pillow". Andy said rubbing her cheek over his leg.

Wait what? He was her pillow?

That was kind of a surprise.

Sam ran a hand over his face, he was really tired, but sleep seemed so far away. His mind was working overtime, thoughts of Andy washing into thoughts of his mother and back again.

Looking down at Andy, Sam watched as the peaceful nature she had in sleep returned to flow over her face.

Memories of her distancing herself as they left the hospital caused a shiver to run over his skin, just as he took in the view of his hand tangling in her hair. A subconscious action his hand did on its own.

Andy lost all nerve to talk to Sam when he sat down next to her, his hard glare fading into a venerable shade of brown, the same one she had seen them turn when he covered her hands with his when she was holding the grenade. She was relieved when Katie made her appearance, disrupting every intention she had of having this conversation at the worst possible time.

Because she was selfish.

After listening to everything Molly had said, she needed to know if there was any truth in her words, her own selfish desire to know pushing to the surface.

But it wouldn't be the first time she had been selfish, no that had made its appearance when Sam first left her standing in the rain outside the Penny.

Andy felt the world seep away as bright whites faded to pale grey, before her eyes were just too heavy to stay open any more, so she let them flutter closed for just a moment, too let them rest.

A gentle shaking disturbed her sleep, fitful dreams turning into Sarah's lounge when her eyes fluttered open.

She heard Sam's voice as she felt it vibrate under her, causing her head to snap up and Sam to appear behind a curtain of her hair just as he began to chuckle.

Looking down, Andy found herself wedged between Sam and the back of the couch, laying half draped over him when suddenly she felt a poking in her side.

"Katie-Bear, let Andy sleep okay?".

Andy suddenly jumped up, sliding over Sam to let her feet find the floor as her hands fumbled to flatten her wild hair.

"Sorry". Andy mumbled to her toes, as Sam lifted his head and let his dimples flare.

"Your pillow, right?".

"Shut up". Andy mumbled as she turned to kneel down in front of Katie as she whispered "Hey Sweetie".

Sam watched again as Katie lunged herself at Andy, wrapping her tiny arms around her neck.

Andy swept Katie up into a giant hug before padding into the kitchen carrying her.

Sam shook his head before pinching his eyes closed at the sight of Andy leaving with Katie.

It really was a sight for sore eyes.

After getting Katie some cereals, and taking her to get dressed, Andy wondered to the spare room where Sam left their bags the night before and changed into jeans and a jersey. Hair brushed and teeth cleaned, Andy took a deep breath before navigating her way to the stairwell.

Wondering down the stairs, Andy stopped halfway hearing a door slam closed before looking to the right to find Sarah and her husband locked in an embrace.

Sarah's eyes watched her move down the stairs as the red rimmed orbs told Andy why they were home.

Andy heard Sam's truck start and pull away a little more aggressively than was needed.

Andy ran for the door, making it outside in time to see Sam turn left at the end of the block before disappearing out of sight.

Racing back inside, Andy climbed the stairs two at a time going in search of her phone before hitting the speed dial to get his voicemail.

"He'll be back later". Malcolm's voice startled Andy from the doorway, drawing her attention away from her phone to him.

"He left you here, didn't he?". With that Malcolm left as quickly as he appeared, leaving Andy to wonder if everyone in this family knew everything about her and Sam.

*******Thanks for reading!**

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	15. A Fine Frenzy

**As always thanks for the awesome reviews, & huge compliments! Hope you all had a good christmas!**

**Thanks to the awesome Kelly2727 & Mahtra! As well as all the awesome regulars! **

**Welcome to the newbies!**

**Chapter 15- A Fine Frenzy**

Minutes turned to hours, Sam's phone still going straight to voicemail, and him staying out of sight.

Andy spent the time reading to Katie while Sarah tried to get some sleep. The rain clouds settled in, darkening the neighborhood early, as Andy struggled to rein in the panic she began to feel at Sam staying away.

When the sun had set, plunging them into total darkness outside of the house, Andy found herself restless and worried.

She felt a hand on her shoulder, and noticed Sarah watching her with sad eyes as she pulled her hand away before she turned to Malcolm and signed.

"You're worried".

Andy nodded, she really didn't see any point in denying it.

Sarah's hands moved again, this time for much longer than Andy would have thought possible.

"Sammy can look after himself, but right now I think he needs you, so if you have any idea where he went, then go after him before he loses it...and himself".

"I wouldn't know where to start...". Andy spoke to Sarah knowing that Malcolm would automatically translate into sign.

"Andy, you know where he would go, because you know Sammy better than anyone I've ever met. Please if you...".

Sarah didn't have a chance to finish her sentence, as Andy nodded and ran back up the stairs, coming down with her bag and jacket on.

"I'm sorry, I have to go...".

Malcolm translated, and Sarah nodded, before pulling Andy into an unexpected hug before releasing her and letting her walk out the door.

Two hours later, Andy hit city limits on her way back into Toronto, her eyes scanning every vehicle that passed her on the road.

Her only thought was that Sam had come home, but that covered a lot of ground and she had no idea where to start.

Driving past Sam's house, she found the driveway empty.

Driving past the Penny, Sam's car was nowhere in sight, so she headed for the barn. Circling the parking lot, she found no trace of Sam's truck.

Pulling to a stop, Andy tried to call him again getting an immediate ring through to voicemail.

"Dammit Sam!". Andy yelled in frustration as she lay her head down on the steering wheel.

He was invisible because he didn't want to be found, when the only thing she wanted to do was find him.

A sudden thought crashed through her mind, causing Andy to slam the car into gear before pulling out the parking lot and heading across town.

There was only one place left to look, one place she hoped she would find him.

When she pulled to a stop, she let out a sigh of relief at seeing his truck nestled in the far dark corner as she killed the engine.

Climbing out the car, Andy pulled her jacket closed and zipped it up against the cold chill that whipped around her.

Walking endless steps, Andy felt her determination muster up and return as she found herself standing in front of the large wrought iron gates to the Toronto cemetery.

Walking the neatly lined rows of tombstones, Andy kept her eyes searching for his shadow or his silhouette, until she neared her destination and found Sam standing a little to the right of Jerry's tombstone.

"Sam?". Andy's voice came out broken and distorted, far from the strength she found as she stepped through the gates.

Sam's eyes snapped up as he turned to face her, his head hanging slightly down as if to show he was ashamed as she found her feet carrying her closer to him.

When Andy was close enough to get a good look at Sam, she inhaled deeply as she let her hand come to cover her lips as she stifled a sob from escaping into the open.

Seeing him like this, that simply just ripped her heart clean out of her chest.

Letting her eyes run over Sam's face, Andy took in his ragged features.

He looked so lost and defeated, like everything had slipped away.

For the second time since she had met him, Sam had allowed his guard to slip, and let the real him show.

"I'm so sorry". Andy mumbled from behind her hand, not tempting fate by stepping any closer.

"Me too". Sam said casting his eyes towards the dark clouded sky, his hands shoved into his pockets.

"Sam...".

"Don't Andy, okay". Sam's voice was strained as he looked back at her, his face still showing no signs of allowing the mask to return.

"Don't what Sam? Don't try have the worst timing in the world? Don't say what I need to? Don't try be a friend when you clearly need one?". Andy's tongue slithered the words out before her brain could filter the thoughts, regret coming too late as Sam's sad withered eyes turned to a hardened stare.

"That's what you wanted to say last night? How sorry you are that you came, wasn't it?". Sam stepped towards Andy, his anger flaring as his words were returned wrapped in a cold tone of their own.

"What? You really believe that? You are...you know what? Forget it! Now is not the time to do this, so just call Sarah and let her know you're okay". Andy turned around and walked away, her legs taking rapid steps over the wet grass.

Sam's hand wrapped around her arm, spinning her around to face him in time to see him bite his words out.

"So that's it? That's the best you could come up with? Just walk away, because that's what you do, you run". Sam released her arm as she shook his hand off, horror crossing her face as her mind absorbed his words.

"I run? Sam you took the Brennan case to run, you left me standing in the rain to run, you left me at Sarah's house and ran, so don't you dare! Don't you even try pin this on me okay? Do you have any idea of what you've put me through? But shifting the blame to me? That's just stooping so low...". Andy didn't bother finishing what she started to say, her willpower having ebbed away until it was a distant memory.

Andy retreated before turning her back on Sam and walking away, leaving him to his own devices.

Skipping on calling Oliver, Andy drove straight home, grabbed her bag out the back of his car and stormed inside before slamming her condo's door behind her.

Finally in the sanctuary of her own four walls, she felt her strong facade slip until her shattered side made its appearance when the first tear rolled its way down her cheek in silence.

Sam watched Andy walk away, the full truth of what had just happened finally settling in on him as her words ripped through him.

The dull ache in his chest became a raging fire as he cursed his inability to just be honest, no matter how much she deserved it.

Running his hand through his hair, Sam felt the familiar emptiness envelope him, making him wonder if it was because she was here before she was gone again.

Remembering back to the last time he had been brutally honest with her, he remembered the reserved yet hopeful look she had on her face outside the hospital, before the memories slithered into those of the night that she left when he had tried to get her to give him a chance to fix this, fix them.

He had promised to do everything until she trusted him enough to say yes, and here he was giving up the fight, standing alone and letting her walk away.

Was he really stupid enough to let that happen again?

Walking across the grass to his truck, his mind was made up, there was no way he was letting it slip back when they had inched forwards.

Finding Oliver's car parked outside her Condo, Sam breathed a sigh of relief. She had come home, when he was worried that maybe she would have really run this time because he pushed so hard, he wouldn't be surprised if she slipped and fell.

Minutes later, Sam's hand raped lightly on the wood of her door, hoping that she would find it in her to at least listen to him, even if it was through the door.

His knock went unanswered, so he tried again, this time a fraction louder.

"Andy, please just hear me out okay?". His voice was pleading, making her resolve crumble as she peered through the peephole after the first knock.

"I know I'm an ass, but this is me, and I'm sorry, I just don't know how to let anybody in. You got too close, and I got scared, and I thought that backing away would make it easier, but it wasn't, and I'm sorry. But I meant what I said, all of it, and I just want you to know that".

Sam drew in a deep breath as the door suddenly swung open to reveal a sad looking Andy on the other side.

"Sam, why do you keep doing this? You know what? This is why I didn't want to come to ST Catherines in the first place, this pushing and pulling..."

"Well then you shouldn't have come. If you didn't want to, you could have just told me that...". Sam's harsh tone returned, silencing Andy's words.

"Sam you said you needed me there, wanted me there, then you go and leave me there. I can't do this anymore okay, this...this is not working".

"Andy I...". Sam didn't have the chance to finish his words, the door closing in his face effectively silencing him.

Sam pinched the bridge of his nose as he leaned forwards and let his free hand hold on to the doorframe, his head hanging low as his fight seemed to diminish until it evaporated.

He hadn't meant the words he so callously let out about her rather not having come when he asked her, because truth be told, he had needed her there then, but he needed her now too.

"Andy, please can we talk about this? I... This...just please?".

Sam knew he was on the verge of begging, but right now if that was the last he had to give, then she could freely have it.

"Go away Sam". Andy's voice rang through the door, sounding muffled.

Sam pushed off the doorframe, his eyes keeping themselves focused on the wood before his head hung low and he walked away.

Andy tossed and turned, restlessness engulfing her.

Just when she though that she had built a bridge over to Sam, the bridge seemed to ignite and burn until only smoking embers were left.

She had spent the last three hours trying to get her mind to rest, the words Sam said and the words Molly said to her were at war in her mind, leaving a knot in her stomach and her heart cracked.

Finally deciding against her better judgment, Andy got out of bed and grabbed clean clothes. Without a second thought, she was out the door.

Twenty minutes later, she was out of Oliver's car, and knocking on Sam's door.

His truck was parked in the driveway, a feint glow of light emanating through the glass of the front door.

A second knock sounded louder, her hand rapping against the wood before her logical mind spoke up.

When the door swung open, Andy let out a sigh of relief, although it swept into a sigh of filtered desperation at seeing Sam.

"I can come back...". Andy moved to flee just as Sam reached out for her, his face distorting to a look of panic.

"Andy?". Sam's voice reached her where his hands failed to, freezing her attempt to make a hasty retreat.

"I shouldn't have come". Andy shifted from foot to foot once she turned to face Sam.

"Then why did you?". Sam challenged her as he crossed his arms and leaned against the doorframe.

"Do you really have to ask me that?". Andy ran a hand through her loose hair, tucking a strand behind her ear.

"Yeah Andy I do". Sam saw the spark light up her dark eyes, lightening them to a defiant flicker.

If she was here, then he was willing to fight.

"I don't get you anymore Sam, you push, then you pull, you're here then you're gone. I'm trying here, I really am, but I just don't know what you want from me anymore". Sam wanted the truth, so she'd let him hear it then.

"You call us friends, then you pull me into your personal space, before pushing me until I fall over. Why do you let me in to shut me out?".

"Because that's what I do Andy, that's all I've ever done". Sam said before walking into the house leaving the door open for Andy to follow.

Once inside she closed the door, her eyes seeking Sam out in the lounge, whiskey in his hand as he sat silently staring into space.

"Do you have any idea how it feels to stand and watch everyone close to you slip away?". Sam's voice was torn between stern and crackly, giving Andy the idea that it was not he intended to say.

"That's the best you've got? That's all you've got to say?". Andy tethered closer with unsure footsteps, having absolutely no idea where she was going with this.

Sam slammed his glass down on the coffee table, the amber liquid spilling over the side from the force it met the wooden surface with, as he stood up and spun around to face Andy, slowly stepping in her direction.

Andy winced as Sam's glass hit the table, his face a frenzy of unbridled emotion as he looked up at her, his feet carrying him forwards as hers began to carry her backwards.

*******okay, so let me know what you think in another one of those awesome thoughts you leave by using the little box underneath here - .****͡▹**

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**Jelly Bean Jenna©**


	16. Truths

**As always thanks for all the awesome revies for chapter 15! There sure were a lot, so thanks you. **

**Thanks to Kelly2727 & the awesome regulars & to everyone for the follows & fav's! As well as Mahtra!**

**Hope you enjoy!**

**Chapter 16- Truthes. **

Andy winced as Sam's glass hit the table, his face a frenzy of unbridled emotion as he looked up at her, his feet carrying him forwards as hers began to carry her backwards.

"Once before, I told you I wish I could be just like you, that I wished you were in my head, and that hasn't changed. I wish you knew how it felt to have you so close that I could smell the vanilla in your hair, and not be allowed to lean in and inhale it. I wish you knew how it felt the have you stand right there and I couldn't reach out and touch you, because you were forbidden".

Andy's back met the wall of the hallway, as Sam kept moving towards her, until she was backed up and they were standing toe to toe, Sam leaning towards her, his lips uttering the words clearly.

Leaning in really close, Sam moved his arm up to let his hand find the wall next to Andy's head, his palm finding the cold paint as it spread out over the wall.

"Do you have any idea how hard it is to know what I did and not be able to take it back, or fix it? Seeing you everyday and knowing that we're like this because I screwed up?".

Sam was close enough for Andy to feel his breath over her face and hair as he spoke, causing a spark to run through her.

"You're so close, yet so far away, and I just don't know how to fix that". Sam whispered as his hand pushed off the wall as he stepped back in retreat, putting some much needed space between them.

"Sam... Why try fixing something that's not broken? We're human, we make mistakes, it's who we are. Before this started, we knew this was trouble, but we were both willing to get burned, why is it any different now?".

"Because I broke it, I broke the only thing I've ever had that fixed me, made me whole". Sam's eyes widened at his own outburst, his intention was never to let that slip out.

"What?" Andy's voice was a whimper as the word slipped out, shock gracing her features.

"Everything I've said so far? I meant it okay. I meant it when I said I love you, I meant it when I said I was sorry, when I said I'd do everything, when I said I needed you in St Catherines, I meant every word of it, but I just don't know how to do this".

Andy felt her mouth drop open, Sam's words stealing her breath away, as his hand waved between them.

"What?".

"Is that what you needed to hear? Okay, so now you know. I don't know how to do this, how to feel this way, and I regret it everyday of my life". Sam ran a hand through his hair, letting it slide down to pinch his nose.

"You regret it?". Andy's voice held a tinge of bitterness, Sam's hand moving away from his face as soon as she peddled towards the door.

"Andy". She had her hand on the door handle as she heard her name, but her fingers refused to let go as she pulled the door open.

Sam's hand found its way around her upper arm, yanking her back just as she made an attempt to flee.

"Stop, that wasn't what I meant".

"Then what did you mean Sam?". Andy's face was contorted in pain as she whirled around and pulled free of Sam's grasp, adding distance between them.

"You don't get it do you? I regret making the biggest mistake of my life by letting myself fall for you to start with".

Andy's world crumbled with one sentence filling the space between them.

"You're not the only one". Andy said before yanking the door open and stepping through it, her feet finding the wooden deck as she walked away without giving Sam a second glance.

Just as her feet carried her down the stairs, Andy heard the door of Sam's house slam closed, her nerve endings tingling as she jumped at the loud sound as it echoed through the silent darkness.

'I regret making the biggest mistake of my life by letting myself fall for you to start with'.

The words repeated through Sam's mind as he watched Andy walk away, again.

The second time they repeated, their meaning distorted to understanding as Sam replayed them again, understanding of how they sounded to Andy.

Just as her shoes met the wooden stairs, Sam slammed his front door shut, his own feet following Andy and finally meeting up with her as she made her way down the sidewalk.

Reaching out for her, Sam felt his heart burst as she shied away from his grasp, shaking his hand off her arm as she kept up the determined strides she took.

Sam rounded her, snaking both hands up to meet her shoulders and stop her from letting him make another mistake.

"Stop, that wasn't how it was meant to sound".

Sam's hand moved to wipe away a single, stray tear as it made its way free of her eye, his thumb lingering on the soft skin of her cheek before his hand planted itself firmly over her cheek.

"Sam don't...". Andy tried to back away, but Sam pulled her closer, refusing to let her go.

"I'm going to". Sam retorted, Andy's face looking down as she tried to hide the scars her heart wore.

"Andy, I regret falling so damned hard, because there is nothing I can do to stop feeling this way, stop from hurting you. Stop from hating myself. I did this, I put us here, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I waited so long to tell you how I really feel, I'm sorry I said it so that you would think I said it in the heat of the moment, when I said it because if something happened to you that day, either way I would have died with you".

His words made Andy look up, her eyes glistening as they searched his for more answers.

"I never blamed you for Jerry, or for taking the spot on the task force, I didn't want to be the guy that held you back more than I did, so I was relieved when you took it, proud of you for taking it. I spent six weeks before you left trying to convince myself that I could do this without you, but everytime I looked at you I knew I was only kidding myself".

Sam kept watching Andy, her eyes softening as she heard the raw emotion in his voice.

"Everytime you called I nearly fell apart, everytime you were in the same room I wanted to walk over and just kiss you senseless, beg for forgiveness, do whatever I had to do to get you to give me another shot to make it right, to build up enough trust that you would give me that chance".

Andy's mind flashed back to reveal small traces of truth behind his words as she remembered how he would walk towards her before suddenly changing course, or how he would stare at her, a withdrawn look on his face before he looked away.

"Sam why didn't you say...".

Sam's finger covered her lips, with his other hand still on her cheek, he pulled her a little closer, until he was able to let his lips brush across her forehead before resting his own against hers.

"Don't say anything".

His eyes never breaking the gaze his held hers in.

"When I asked you to come to St Catherines I was honest, I needed you there, needed you more than ever, and you came. No questions asked, you were there, even after everything I put you through".

Sam was clinging to the hope that there was still something there when Andy didn't pull away. Her face was leaning into his hand, her skin warming that of his hand.

"With Jerry, I didn't even need to ask, you were there, and I didn't know how to handle that, handle that you gave yourself so freely without a reason, you were there, because that's who you are. And me? I'm the one that just couldn't accept that so I pulled away".

"Sam...".

Andy mumbled against Sam's finger still resting on her lips.

"Don't say anything okay? Let me do this?". Sam waited for Andy to give him silent permission to continue.

"I waited six months for you to come home from Dakota, six months of planning how to react, what to say, but when you were there it was six months of planning that just disappeared, because when I saw you I got scared, scared that it had changed, scared that you didn't feel the same way, scared that you really didn't care anymore, scared that somewhere along the lines you stopped loving me".

Andy let out a soft gasp, dragging in a breath against Sam's fingertips that had slipped over her lips while she was lost in his eyes.

"I can't do this without you, I just don't know how to or even if I want to...". Sam wiped away another tear as it rolled down Andy's cheek to meet his thumb.

Andy moved her hand up to wrap it around Sam's fingers that still kept a place on her lips keeping her silent. Pulling away his hand, Andy kept a sturdy grip on his hand as she moved his fingers away, dropping their hands to their sides as she blinked rapidly.

"Sam...I...do you really think it would just go away? That I would just stop...".

Andy's words choked off, her voice shaking until it subsided into silence.

"Something like that doesn't just go away, it doesn't change because you're gone, or because you get hurt. I've said so many things I regret and so many things I didn't mean, but I don't know if I can trust you again, if I can believe what you're saying ri...".

Sam listened to the hesitation run wild through her voice as she struggled to find her words, his mind screaming in warning as her breath fluttered out over his face.

So he crashed his lips to hers and kissed her, pouring every fiber of feeling he could into that one single moment, every emotion that had built up since he made a stupid mistake and pushed her away.

Even when he felt her tense under his hands, he pulled her a little closer and continued to let his passion reinforce his words through his actions.

After all, he did promise to show her.

When Andy relaxed, and responded, Sam pulled away, his nose rubbing up and down the side of hers in an intimate, slow way.

Andy had the feint traces of a blush creeping up her already pink tinted cheeks from the cold, a curvature at the end of her lips.

"That much huh?". Andy broke the silence, three words filing out in a hushed whisper.

"Yeah, and more". Sam felt his smile erupt, deciphering her words to the unspoken message of 'I finally get it'.

"Why didn't you say anything before?".

"Because I was scared it was gone".

"Sam, it'll never go away, something this intense won't even fade or change, or diminish".

"Andy, I don't want to do this now and you regret it later, I know it's still there, and I know you felt it too, but rushing things is what scarred us the first time around".

Sam began to pull away, Andy becoming so intoxicating that he was having trouble focusing on the moment.

***** Thanks for reading!

A/N: this may be my last update for 2012, so Happy new year to everyone!

Thanks for all the support over the last year, hope you will all have a super awesome 2013!

*****okay, so let me know what you think in another one of those awesome thoughts you leave by using the little box underneath here - .͡▹

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Jelly Bean Jenna©

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	17. Early Mornings & Exits

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**Chapter 17- Early Mornings & Exists. **

"Andy, I don't want to do this now and you regret it later, I know it's still there, and I know you felt it too, but rushing things is what scarred us the first time around".

Sam began to pull away, Andy becoming so intoxicating that he was having trouble focusing on the moment.

"I need to fix this first". Sam said looking away as though the moment became too intimidating.

Andy's hand still clutching his, gave a slight squeeze while her other hand that had wrapped it's way around the back of his neck slithered to mirror his hand still cupping her face.

Turning his face to look at her, Andy said the only thing that ravaged her mind.

"It's already different Sam, for starters you reached out to me, and you let me in. You promised to do everything to show me until I said yes, and by letting me see the real you, feel the real you I know you're sorry, I know you meant it and I know that this is really what you want".

"But...". Sam sensed a big 'but' coming. His gut churning at the prospect of getting this far, and this close to her, to watch it just slip away.

"But...I...want this, I want you, because this is you and this is me. With you I know the real me, and I don't want that to change. I'm sorry for every stupid thing I've said, and done and I need you to know that I trust you implicitly, because I know how it feels to make a stupid mistake and have to live with it, to wake up regretting it, and go to sleep regretting it. I know how it feels to walk away from the best thing in your life because you're too stubborn and selfish to admit that you made a mistake. I...I don't want to waste any more time wondering, I want...no I need to know now, where I stand with you, where this goes from here...".

Once again Andy's words were forced silent when Sam pulled her closer, his lips seeking to devour hers with more passion than the first time around.

After loosing her breath, Andy felt Sam pull back again, his eyes sparkling more than she had seen in almost forever.

"Right now, if you let me in, I'm never letting you go, never pushing you away, and never going to break your heart or make you cry again".

Andy let a full grin spread over her lips after Sam finished his sentence, her heart feeling like it was about to take off out her chest.

"Seriously?".

Sam nodded, his dimples making wide craters in his cheeks for the first time in what Andy would call... forever.

"Andy, I love you more than I've ever loved another soul, and if you give me another shot at showing you that, trust me, I'm not going to screw it up".

"Sam, you can't promise that". Andy tried to hide the doubt that shadowed her voice, but it still hung on every letter.

"Yes I can, because I've always known...".

Sam clamped his lips closed, pursing them into a thin line as he bit back his words.

"Always known what?". Andy inched back, leaving enough space between them so that she could get a good look at Sam while she waited for his reply.

Sam stood shaking his head, his cheeks flustered as he let out a stifled chuckle and began working his tongue over his teeth as he looked around nervously.

"What have you always known Sam?".

Andy's fleet-ful look turned to a combination between what she thought was a hardened stare and a frightful look as she tried to be serious, making Sam chuckle again and shake his head as he lowered his eyes to the pavement before letting them swing to their entwined hand, their fingers interlocked as their palms pressed against eachother.

"Sorry McNally, can't tell you that".

"Seriously? You were about to, so just finish what you were going to say". Andy was pouting as he looked back at her, making his gaze shift away instantaneously.

"Six months? Give me six months and I'll tell you?".

Sam really felt stuck between a rock and a hard place right now, wanting nothing more than to finish that sentence, but right now, that could be disastrous.

"Six months? You want six months to finish a sentence?".

Sam affirmed her question, turning on a little bit of charm by letting his smile widen.

"Okay, six months, but I promise you I won't forget this".

"I'm counting on it". Sam said before looking towards his house and muttering a string of curses as he pinched his eyes closed and let out a heavy sigh.

"What's wrong?". Andy questioned worridly, her hand attempting to slip free of his, but he kept hold of it firmly, keeping it latched to his.

"I um...kind of locked the door, with us outside?". Sam watched humor spread over Andy's face as she looked between Sam and his house, a crooked smile forming on her lips while a giggle spilled over.

"Guess I have to take you home then". Andy said waiving around Oliver's car keys that somehow managed to be retrieved from her pocket without him even noticing.

"I meant...". Andy stammered out, attempting to awkwardly string the sentence together differently.

Sam raised an eyebrow at her sudden nervousness, his amusement staying far from hidden before pulling on her hand and making her stumble forwards until she virtually crashed into him.

"Not what I meant McNally, so get your mind out of the gutter... although your bed is way more comfortable than your couch".

Andy's loud giggle that accompanied her flushed face made Sam sigh in contentment, like this it was just so easy, so natural, so them.

Andy felt the throws of sleep drift away as she was jostled, a gentle movement over her face rousing her as the final clutches of sleep let her go.

The room was still dark, a hand moving over her head and tangling in her hair drawing her out of peaceful dreams where all was right with the world.

The scent of Sam smothered her sense of smell as she felt the familiarity of waking up to it invoke an enormous sense of relief.

"Andy, sorry I didn't mean to wake you". Sam whispered as she let her eyelids flutter open and he came into focus as she tilted her head back.

"'S okay". Came out more of a yawn than verbal words.

"I've...I need to go, back to Sarah's to help...".

Andy's head bobbed up, her memories stealing away the happy moment.

Sam hated that this had to be a repeat of the many times he skipped out on her first thing in the morning, the usual citation of a game of shooting hoops with Jerry having been the usual excuse back then to get his head back in the game before being given her safety on patrol, her life nestled in his hands everytime they went to work.

But this time was different, this time he had crawled in beside her after she had fallen asleep, telling her what he couldn't when she was awake. This time he didn't want an excuse to leave, he wanted to stay here, with her using his chest as a pillow until she woke up on her own, and even longer if she would allow it.

"I know...". Andy said as she tried a futile attempt at brushing her bed hair out with her fingers.

"I want to stay, but I have to do this". Sam sat up, staring Andy right in the eye as he said what needed to be said.

Andy bit her lip, rolling it between her teeth before looking down at her hands as they fiddled with eachother aimlessly.

"I will call you later, and I... Still need you...".

Andy crawled across the bed, sitting on her knees as her hands fanned around Sam's neck, a tight, enveloping hug ensuing before she suddenly let go and moved away, backing off the bed and padding out the room as soon as her feet hit the floor.

Switching on the showers water on to warm up, she knew Sam would be gone by the time she was out of the shower.

*******okay, so let me know what you think in another one of those awesome thoughts you leave by using the little box underneath here - .****͡▹**

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**Jelly Bean Jenna©**


	18. A Breath of Fresh Air

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**Chapter 18- A Breath of Fresh Air**

The day went by, Andy's restless tendencies returning until just after lunch time, when the over excited car salesman called to inform her that her car was ready to be collected.

Andy was relieved, having returned Oliver's car earlier in the morning, it felt really good to have some newly instilled independence.

Andy took a cab to the dealership to collect her car, a bright smile on her lips as she tossed the keys up into the air before catching them and letting her hand give them a tight squeeze before she left the dealership driving the newly possessed freedom.

Sam and Sarah finalized all the arrangements for Molly's funeral, taking every care to ensure that every last detail was in place.

He tried to keep his mask on, because he knew that Sarah was battling to keep her emotions in check.

They had both had a tough time letting Molly back into their lives, more so Sarah than Sam, as she was older and had more understanding of the circumstances back then.

Sam had his own demons to face when it came to letting Molly back in his life. His refusal in the beginning having caused a temporary rift between him and Sarah when he withdrew from their lives for months on end.

Molly had finally come to seek him out, cornering him into listening as she pleaded that he fix his relationship with Sarah. That was when she earned his forgiveness and a whole lot of respect, simply by putting Sarah's relationship with him over her own need to reconcile the destroyed relationship between them.

Now, years down the line, Sam wished that he had forgiven her earlier, moved on to building a better relationship with her, now that she was gone.

He had spent holidays at home with them in St Catherines, watching his mother build a bond so tight with Sarah's kids that he often wished he had some of his own to see more joy spread over her face at a whispered goodnight, or a simple hug from one of her grandchildren.

His forlorn look had once bought up that exact topic of conversation between him and his mother the christmas after he first met Andy.

His mother knew the look on his face well, and told him it mirrored his fathers whenever he would look at her.

A thought Sam had never considered until his mother had brought it up.

Sam guessed that his shameless comment that night had been a topic of conversation between either Andy and his mother or his mother and Sarah the night Andy came to the hospital, and the subconscious fear that it was what had caused Andy to shut down when she came out his mothers room never strayed far.

Snapping back to reality as a hand patted his arm, Sam saw Sarah's features soften before her hands moved in fluid motions to speak to him.

'You should call her'. Sarah signed, simple and straight to the point.

'I will'. Sam replied, hoping that she would understand that he meant it.

'So, that's her?'. Sarah asked, her face holding her hopefulness.

'Why are you asking me that if you know it is?'. Sam knew he was setting himself up for a fall, but did it anyway.

'Just checking that it's still there, you know, that you still feel the same way'.

'Something like that doesn't just go away. And trust me it's still there, from both sides. I just need to figure out how to hang on to her this time'.

Sarah stared at Sam while his hands signed in honesty. He had just let his guard down long enough to be brutally honest.

Something he rarely ever did, even with himself.

'You will, just let her know that'. Sarah signed before walking away, leaving Sam with his phone already in his hand.

His mothers funeral was scheduled for the following Monday, at eleven am, and he knew he should let Andy know that it was all arranged, and that they were okay.

Her voice was a soft whisper in his ear after the third ring, a smile automatically tugging his lips up as she said hello.

"Hey". Sam put a hand to his forehead at his own stupid greeting when he could have instead said a million other things.

"Everything okay?". Andy's voice filled his ear immediately, her keen sense of knowing when something wasn't quite as it should be.

"Yup". Sam said more breathy than he probably should have.

"We got the funeral sorted for Monday at eleven". He added, just deciding that it was time to cut the crap.

"That's...um, good?".

The sound of passing traffic alerted Sam to the fact that Andy was in a car.

"Are you busy? I can call you back later?". Sam wondered when she began to unnerve him to the extent that he needed to start searching for words, too scared to say the wrong thing, or push too hard, push her away.

"No...it's okay". Andy didn't want to say goodbye, the sound of his voice reassuring her that this was the right thing to do, even though she was probably breaking a few laws while doing it.

"You sure?".

"Yeah, I'm sure".

"So when are you back on shift?". Sam suddenly blurted, his mind letting the question free over his lips before he could contain it.

A knock on the front door drew Sam's attention as he looked over the empty lounge before walking over to it and pulling it open.

"I took a few extra days...if it's okay?". Andy said as soon as Sam opened the door, his eyes lighting up at the sight of her standing on Sarah's doorstep.

"Is it okay with you?". Sam couldn't help the happiness that suddenly shot through him at seeing her there, on the other side of the door.

"It's more than okay". Andy smiled as she took her phone away from her ear, talking instead directly to Sam.

"Then it's more than okay with me too". Sam held out his hand, waiting for her to take the invitation it held.

Andy reached out, no sign of hesitation as she let her fingers wrap around his and allowed him to lead her through the doorway and into the house.

Sam pulled Andy through the house, silently searching for Sarah so that she wouldn't get a fright by suddenly finding an extra person in her home.

They found Sarah sitting in the sunroom, her hands clutching a book tightly to her chest. She smiled a warm smile as she noticed their presence, her satisfaction beaming as her face lit up.

'What's that?'. Sam dropped Andy's hand and signed to Sarah, nodding towards the book.

'Mom's sketch book'. Sarah signed back, before holding it out towards Sam.

'There's one of you two, Mom's last one...after she met Andy'. She added as Sam cautiously took the book from her.

"Would you freak out if I showed you something?". Sam turned to Andy, his eyes waving nervously between her and the book.

Andy shook her head before Sam smiled and nodded towards Sarah, his hand finding hers once more as he pulled her back into the lounge.

Taking a seat next to her on the couch, Sam saw the familiar comfort that Andy had always had with him return in its glory as she leaned back and waited patiently.

"My Mother used to draw, hundreds of pictures spanning decades. Most of them sketches, of whatever captivated her attention".

Sam flipped the book open and scooted over towards Andy so that their thighs were resting against each other.

Together they sat in silence, Sam turning the pages to reveal page after page of drawings all shaded in grey pencil.

Andy was sneaking glances at Sam, watching as memories of the moments that the drawings were made in filled his mind.

After numerous pages turned Sam finally came to the last drawing, one his mother could have easily never have finished.

It was a simple sketch, but Molly had managed to turn it into so much more.

It was Andy, facing forwards while Sam stood in the background watching her, the most mesmerized look on his face.

It was done from when he had left Andy with Molly, as he turned around briefly for a split second to sneak one last look at her before he left the room.

He heard Andy suck in a breath, as she let her eyes stay fixated on the page.

Her hand reached out to touch the page, smudging her finger over the loose locks Molly had shrouding her face on the page.

"Wow...". Her voice faltered seconds later, the rare occasion of her being rendered speechless.

"This is amazing". Andy breathed out letting Sam see that she was watching him.

"Yeah, she was really talented. Malcolm inherited that trait from her, although his drawings aren't as...worldly".

"I'm really glad I got the chance to meet her, thank you for...you know letting me".

Andy really felt so privileged that Sam had allowed her into that part of his life, although the ride had been rather bumpy along the way.

"Yeah, well I was second guessing my decision to leave you with her. When you came out the room you looked... Like you were second guessing being there".

Sam's face turned serious, Andy's hand suddenly reaching out to let her fingers rest over the top of his hand that found itself on his thigh.

"I never regretted coming Sam, I think I would have regretted not coming if I had to find out about your mom after...".

"I'm glad you came, and I know that she was glad too, ever since she found out about you she wanted to get to know you".

Sam paused, his lips lifting slightly as his eyes dropped.

"Can I tell you something? What I wanted to say the other day, but couldn't finish?". Sam's face held a whole image of hopefulness as he waited for Andy to nod, knowing that once this was out, there would really be no going back, ever.

********Thanks for reading!**

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**Jelly Bean Jenna©**


	19. Untitled

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**Chapter 19- **

Sam flipped the sketch book closed with a loud 'poof', his hands clinging to the hard covers as he let his fingers fiddle with the worn cover.

"You know, when I said I didn't want to hold you back, I meant it. It felt like in some ways I was because I knew that you were trying to live up to the high expectations I set for you, and that it was unfair of me to expect you to meet them, when I couldn't even meet them myself. I know you were seeking my approval in a few ways too, and that I failed to find the time to give it to you".

Andy stared at Sam, her mouth forming the shape of a small 'O' as she just blinked at him, hoping that he would in some way confirm what he had just said.

"I'm a giant ass of epic proportions, but how you see past that is beyond me". Sam added before dipping his head a little lower and sucked in a deep breath. The truth was about to come out entirely, and it was about to either make them a little stronger, or break them completely when she heard it.

He was hoping the former and dreading the latter, because he knew that she was scared of commitment, scared of getting in so deep, that she couldn't get out. Even though he had asked for six months to get this out, he wasn't prepared to wait that long, if she was here without him asking her to return this time.

She was prepared to give him those six months to finish a sentence, so that meant she was planning on being around then, with no intention of running, or leaving again. That was a good sign.

That was the only sign that he had that he might be making the right choice to just cut all the crap, get everything out there, and move on.

If she was going to stick around.

"Remember I said that um...". Sam's hand snaked up to rub the back of his head, a sigh emitting into the air between them.

"That I've always known something?". Sam let the words out and chanced a look at Andy to see her patiently nodding and waiting for him to continue.

"Well, one night I might have mentioned you in a way that made my Mother and Sarah insist on meeting you?".

"Ookkaayy?". Andy let it drag out as a sighed question, wondering where this was going, because as usual, Sam was holding back.

Sam let his eyes sweep over Andy, her face not cluing him in on her reaction so far.

"Okay, so I may have said that I was going marry you someday?". Sam looked back at the sketch book, his fingertips tracing over the cover aimlessly while he waited for her to freak out.

Which never happened, so he added a few more words to make sure that they were on the same page, that she understood what he was saying.

"My Mother always said I'd marry a girl with long, dark locks and expressive eyes. Eyes that would show me her soul, and reflect my own, and it just kind of slipped out when she asked me what you were like". Sam's voice was soft, but never did it hold a tinge of hesitation, it bore the truth simply.

And still Andy remained silent, frozen in the same position she had been when Sam let his gaze glide over her moments ago.

Andy heard the words clearly, sudden memories filling the silence Sam left when he paused.

It all made sense, Molly's request to meet her before she died, the secretive conversation between Molly and Sarah in front of her at the hospital.

Dating Sam suddenly made sense, and why he would just let her go so easily, before trying to get her back with the most simple words imaginable.

Andy rolled his words around in her mind, the foggy images that clouded her for over a year becoming crystal clear.

Sam was scared, that's why he acted the way he did, keeping everyone out of his personal space, and when she got close he backed away, and shut her out.

He'd let her in enough recently to learn more about his life.

And now, now she understood how hard it was for him to let her in, to trust her. How hard it was for him to say those three little words to her when she clung to the grenade after he had let her go.

It made more sense than...

"Andy I...". Sam's voice suddenly broke through her collective thoughts, drawing her attention back to the present, her head snapping up at the sound of her name in time to see Sam slip his guarded mask on before he put the sketch book down next to him and moved to stand up.

"Sam I...wow, that's like...I mean...seriously?". Andy's tongue couldn't even formulate words in that moment.

"It's okay, I didn't expect you to... I don't even know what I expected". Sam stood up and ran his hand over his face in a bid to wipe the moment away.

Did he really expect her to take that well?

They weren't even dating, or back together really, or were they?

He didn't even know what they were, or where they were right now, other than the fact that they were trying to find themselves and eachother.

"Sam don't...".

"Don't what? Second guess myself? I know it's still there and that you feel it too, but is it enough? Will it be enough?".

Andy stood up as Sam's words were whispered into the space between them, his true fears being voiced for the first time.

Maybe telling her the total truth was the only way to save himself now, and save anything left between them too.

"Sam don't shut me out, when you've just started letting me in". Andy moved to reach out to Sam, but he pulled away, turning his face away to the side and his eyes scanning the floor.

"No, you don't get to do that now, or ever. You wanted a second chance, and I'm giving it to you because I want too, I need too, I need you, and you will not shut me down after saying that. Not when you say it's still there. And don't you dare second guess if it'll be enough Sam! Ever! Don't even go there, because after everything we've been through and the fact that it's still there, you can't believe that it'll just disappear over night, or is that what you're afraid of? That I'll just change my mind?".

Somewhere in the middle of her rant, Andy had taken hold of Sam's hand, and he let her keep her fingers softly curled around it, and his undivided attention as his eyes returned their focus on her.

"Andy, I've always been afraid that you'd wake up and feel like it was a mistake, like I said, I don't want to do this now and you regret it later".

Sam wasn't convinced that she totally knew what she wanted, knew for certain that he was what she wanted.

Andy huffed out a breath, partly in surrender, partly in annoyance at his unwillingness to just surrender and give in.

Just accept it.

"Sam, when I woke up with you it was like the world was right. When you had to leave, for the first time I didn't feel that it was me you were running from. It wasn't because of the circumstances, it was because I knew I'd do it tomorrow and the next day, and the day after that, that I'd wake up with because you wanted to wake up with me".

Sam listened to Andy put up the biggest fight he'd ever seen her put up, her fire more intense than when she tried to do the same thing when he dumped her, her spirit more determined than when she was convinced her dad did not commit murder.

"So I didn't just freak you out? With what I said earlier about...what I said?".

Sam was hesitant in testing the water, but he might as well jump in after coming this far.

"Um...yeah about that, well... I won't say that I didn't see that in the picture, or that I haven't thought about it".

Andy felt her cheeks flame red in a furious blush as she met Sam's honesty with a bit of her own.

"So you've thought about it?". Sam's hard core exterior slipped away, reverting to the soft teddy-bear like one he seemed to find so naturally with her.

"Yup, but..."

Sam should have known better than to expect a yes with no strings attached.

"But?".

"We're not there yet? It's in the picture, but we're not ready for that yet". Andy whispered, waiting for Sam to pull away or pull back into his shell, but instead he just pulled her closer.

"But we'll get there". Sam said as Andy let her head find its resting place on his chest, before she gently nodded.

That they would, someday.

********Thanks for reading, don't forget to check out Sin & let me know what you think!**

*******okay, so let me know what you think in another one of those awesome thoughts you leave by using the little box underneath here - .****͡▹**

**Have an awesome day!**

**Jelly Bean Jenna©**


	20. Author's Note!

**A/N: I'm really sorry about this, if it wasn't you, just skip it, and I do wish to apologize to my readers for this, but I need to say something-**

**To the guest reviewer that leaves spam reviews:**

**It's not the first time you've left me the same review, you leave it on every story on later chapters, and I usually remove it, but this time I won't. You also say the same thing repeatedly, like its OOC, I don't watch the show, you say that Sam's an idiot & slam Andy, calling her pathetic etc. **

**So it's not hard to see that the reviews are left by the same person. **

**You have been the topic of discussion amongst various authors on this site (including me), as you always leave the same review (more or less) as a guest on various stories. **

**We actually refer to you as 'The Psycho Reviewer' and 'The Andy Hater' because you down the Andy character in almost every review you leave. **

**In case you have not noticed where you are- it is Fanfiction. **

**Fiction being the operative word here. **

**Now that you have your bearings, we tend to write OOC & AU because- WE HAVE SEEN THE SHOW & DON'T really want to live through tedious reruns continuously. **

**Would you really read it yourself if it was all the same? I wouldn't!**

**In some fic's Sam or Andy aren't even in the TPD, or Andy sings, or Sam is paralyzed, & that affects their behavior, but it doesn't matter because it's always awesome to have a change so that we don't grow bored between seasons. **

**In twilight fic's The vampires are human, and thus their behavior changes, but it's refreshing to read different perspectives. **

**That's what attracts readers here, because across all fandoms each story is different. I've read fic's where Sam's an addict and Luke slaps Andy around, but I still read them even if they're really way OOC, there was even one where Dov & Chris are gay, and that was really OOC, but it was hysterical! **

**But thanks for the huge compliment about the dictionary & thesaurus, because I don't actually use them. It's just what we locally call 'My Expensive College Education' paying off **

**I'm South African, so yes I am English speaking amongst other languages that are my 2nd & 3rd languages, so just to help you out, its 'Give me & not Gimme'. I'm glad you commend my efforts to write, & that you have gained insight into the storyline, as how I was trying to portray them, you got it exactly right! So well done! **

**It would be nicer though, if you logged in next time so that I could PM you, instead of having to put everyone that is reading this through five minutes of wasting their time. **

**I'd also like to say that I must really have you hooked, if you read such a bad story for 20 chapters, so that in its own right is the biggest compliment of all. **

**But hey, if you don't like it, don't read it. **

**I don't believe in slamming on story's that are part of a persons imagination, and would in fact love to know if you even write yourself. **

**'Constructive Criticism means to help a person to write better by pointing out mistakes perhaps, that can be corrected for you in turn to have a better reading experience, by aiding and assisting the author to better themselves, it is in fact not to run them into the ground. **

**To the persons that sent various PM's in regard to these reviews, you guys are so awesome, thank you for the support!**

**Please feel free to respond to this, and anyone else is welcome to comment in a review. **

**Have an awesome day, and thanks for reading all 20 Chapters & leaving a review!**

**Between you, me & the lamppost, every review I get, even those with a guest that's not logged in I get your Userid No, & a review ID because I use an app on my phone & not the pc. **

******Once again, I'm sorry for putting you all through my rant!**

**Kind regards**

**JBJ. **


	21. I Will Wait

**Wow, you guys really know how to make my day!**

**Thanks for all the awesome reviews, including the ones for SIN!**

**Special thanks to all the regulars & Kelly2727 & Mahtra! You guys are awesome!**

**If you're new, welcome to my world!**

**A/N; - Thanks to the awesome Hope, who wrote the poem featured in this chapter, Also entitled 'This is Me'!**

**Chapter 20- I will Wait**

The days passed quietly, Monday arriving with a quiet silence looming in Sarah's house.

Andy had requested a few days off which Frank was happy to give her when she was honest and told him why she wanted them off.

Fifteen had flowers delivered to Sarah's house, attached to it a card that read:

To Sarah & Sammy

Our deepest condolences!

May Your Mother Fly with the Angels.

Frank Noelle Oliver Traci Chris Gail Dov & Nick.

A second bouquet of flowers arrived early on Monday morning too, this time addressed to Andy.

She answered the door while everyone was rushing around to get ready as time leading to the funeral steamed past.

Surprised at how anyone managed to send her flowers at Sarah's house, Andy opened the small white envelope attached to the bouquet to find a small card with a short note scribbled inside it.

'Thank You

Love Sam'.

The words made her smile, so short and plain, but so strong and full of meaning and promises.

Sam stood watching Andy from the kitchen, her smile lighting up the whole room.

It was just so easy to bring out that smile, and to make her happy. It didn't require extensive planning, or hours of thought, it was just a natural action from him that gained a natural reaction from her.

"Thank you". Andy's voice suddenly carried over to him, as she stepped closer, her face full of pure bliss.

Sam didn't need words to respond, didn't need actions to reciprocate hers, the silence between them a conversation without words.

Andy leaned up and gave Sam a peck on the cheek before moving further into the kitchen in search of water and a vase to put the flowers in.

Watching her walk away, Sam couldn't help but wonder if life would be this simple when they returned home.

Molly's funeral was small and quiet, only immediate family attending.

This time Sam kept Andy close, staying by her side instead of keeping her at a distance.

They returned to Sarah's house, a silent peace falling over them all.

When Tuesday morning arrived, Sam made his way downstairs to find Sarah drinking coffee in the dark, the house enraged with early morning darkness and silence as its occupants slept.

Her face was graced with a happy smile when she noticed Sam's slow moving presence, all the signs of sadness having slipped away to be replaced with a look of pure acceptance.

She put her coffee down on the table in front of her before letting her hands speak for her.

'I hope you'll hang on to her this time'.

Sam smiled as he sat down next to her, wondering when she had been clued in on to the fact that they were working on things.

'She's good for you Sammy'. Sarah added seconds later before turning to face him, expecting some kind of denial to slip from him.

'That she is'. Sam responded.

'I told her about...what I said...'.

Sarah literally lunged towards Sam, her hands wrapping around his neck in the giant force of a hug.

Pulling back, Sarah let her hands form her words.

'You've come a long way Sammy, Mom was proud you know, that you found someone and let her in'.

'I know. I have to take care of something, will you make sure she eats before she leaves?'.

Sam saw Sarah's face fall at the thought of having to explain to Andy where he ran off too when she woke up.

'It's not like that, I left her a note'. Sam knew his face was covered in mischief, but he also knew that Sarah knew him well enough to know that he was giving up running now.

'Okay, but call me sometime!'.

Sam raised an eyebrow before heading back upstairs to pack and slip out before Andy woke up.

Andy's hand reached out to find nothing but cold covers under her fingertips, a sigh escaping her lips as she realized that she just woke up without Sam. Pulling her hand back, it met the crinkle of paper as her head bobbed up to find a folded sheet of paper in her hands wake.

Snatching up the paper, Andy bolted upright into a sitting position, her hands tearing at the paper in a bit to unfold it.

_Dear Andy,_

_This is me_

_this is all I have to give,_

_I don't like to plan, _

_I just want to wait and see what happens. _

_I don't follow the rules I just do what I want too. _

_This is me _

_the Sam that loves you. _

_I am not good with words, _

_But try let my actions speak for me,_

_I give up on things too easily,_

_But I fight hard when I want it back. _

_I am not perfect and never will be,_

_But this is me. _

_And I hope you can see _

_That I am here for you through everything,_

_Just like you were for me. _

_This is me _

_I am the Sam that has loved you since the beginning,_

_I am the man who will give up everything just to be with you. _

_I am Sam, and plan on being there until the end. _

_See you when you get home_

_Love Sam. _

Andy re-read Sam's note, completely not understanding what he was trying to say.

Flopping back down on her pillows, Andy closed her eyes, knowing that Sam had gone back to Toronto without her.

A soft knock on the door was followed by the door opening slowly and Katie peeking her head in through the crack.

"Annie?". Her voice was barely audible as she requested permission to enter the room.

"Come in Katie". Andy sat up as Katie bounded into the room, skipping all the way up to the end of the bed, still clad in her pajamas.

"Uncle Sammy said for Annie". Katie beamed as she whipped out a single long stemmed rose and held it out to Andy.

"Thank you Sweetheart". Andy said as she took the rose from Katie, lifting it to inhale its sweet scent.

Seconds later, Malcolm appeared in the doorway brandishing a breakfast tray.

"Uncle Sammy made us swear that you would eat before you left".

Malcolm set the tray down on the bed to let Andy's eyes flutter over the coffee, bacon, eggs, toast, fried tomato, fresh fruit and a square wrapped gift with a red bow on it.

Andy looked between Malcolm and the shiny silver paper before letting her hand pick it up and tear away the paper.

Under the paper, Andy found a CD cover for Mumford and Sons, their Babel album, staring at her.

Andy pried the plastic cover open to find the CD missing though, another confusing moment.

Andy couldn't help but wonder if mysterious was the norm in the Swarek household.

"Eat Annie, gotta go". Katie said motioning towards Andy's plate, so she reached out and grabbed the toast, letting her teeth bite down on the warm crunchiest toast she'd ever had in her mouth.

Sarah could defiantly make a mean breakfast.

A little over an hour later Andy was done with breakfast, and freshly showered.

Making her way downstairs, her mind reflected to the warmth she had felt from the first minute she had set foot in this house. She would really miss it once she was back home.

Home.

The word sounded strange, yet appealing, even though she had mixed feelings on how life would be when they returned to their normal lives.

After thanking Sarah and saying goodbye, Andy threw her duffle in the back of her car before climbing in and starting the ignition.

As soon as she did, familiar words rang out through the speakers, startling her into visibly jumping.

As the tune progressed, Andy couldn't help but smile as she listened to the lyrics.

_'Well I came home_

_Like a stone_

_And I fell heavy into your arms_

_These days of dust_

_Which we've known_

_Will blow away with this new sun_

_But I'll kneel down wait for now_

_And I'll kneel down_

_Know my ground_

_And I will wait I will wait for you_

_And I will wait I will wait for you'_

Andy let out a giggle at how appropriate the words were, her face warming even though there was nobody to see it.

Shifting the car into gear, Andy pulled out of Sarah's driveway, singing along to the tune after adding a little volume.

_'So break my step_

_And relent_

_Well you forgave and I won't forget_

_Know what we've seen_

_And him with less_

_Now in some way shake the excess_

_'Cause I will wait I will wait for you_

_And I will wait I will wait for you_

_And I will wait I will wait for you_

_And I will wait I will wait for you_

_Now I'll be bold_

_As well as strong_

_And use my head alongside my heart_

_So tame my flesh_

_And fix my eyes_

_A tethered mind freed from the lies_

_And I'll kneel down_

_Wait for now_

_I'll kneel down_

_Know my ground_

_Raise my hands_

_Paint my spirit gold_

_And bow my head_

_Keep my heart slow_

_'Cause I will wait I will wait for you_

_And I will wait I will wait for you_

_And I will wait I will wait for you_

_And I will wait I will wait for you '_

Throughout the rest of the song she couldn't help wonder if Sam was trying to reinforce the fact that he had not run this morning when he left, while her hand found itself tapping the steering wheel as she drove towards Toronto.

Somewhere deep inside, she really hoped that he would be doing just that when she arrived- waiting for her.

*******Thanks for spending time here!**

*******okay, so let me know what you think in another one of those awesome thoughts you leave by using the little box underneath here - .****͡▹**

**Have an awesome day!**

**Jelly Bean Jenna©**


	22. Together

**As always, you know what I'm going to say, so today, I'll just say thanks!**

**Welcome to the newbies, & thanks to the awesome regulars, Kelly2727 & Mahtra!**

**Chapter 21- Together**

The drive home felt like it was taking eons, rush hour traffic leading towards the city making the drive home tedious, when all she wanted to do was find Sam and find out what he was up to.

Her smile never dimmed or slipped away, not even when the two hour drive turned into three and a half.

Finally arriving home, Andy walked the hallway that lead to her front door lost deep in thought.

Slipping the key into the lock, she silently unlocked her front door and pushed it open to have her senses surrounded by various assailants.

Her nostrils were filled with the delicious aroma of cooking food, and flowers. Her eyes found her entire lounge covered in an array of different colored flowers as she stepped through the door.

A soft giggle slipped free when her line of sight glazed over the room to find Sam sleeping on the couch, remote to the tv in hand, but the tv set off.

Dropping her bag off her shoulder and gently setting it down, so not to wake Sam, Andy moved over to the couch where Sam lay, his face covered in a kind of peace that Andy wasn't sure she'd ever seen before.

Sam's eyes flew open, his head moving to shake away the remaining clutches of sleep.

"Andy?". He moved to sit up to find Andy sitting on the arm rest next to his head.

"Hey sleepyhead". Andy giggled out at catching Sam sleeping for the first time.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...". Sam's words died off into a smug grin as Andy let another fit of giggles consume her.

"I mean I wasn't really...". Sam felt his own amusement spread as Andy's whipped through her.

Here he was trying to do what he should have done from the beginning, and he fell asleep.

So not cool Sammy!

"I made lunch". Sam said standing up and reaching out for Andy's hand to pull her up off the arm rest and dragging her towards the kitchen.

"I know, I could smell it all the way down the hallway". Andy answered as they came to stand in the kitchen, where she noticed her tumble dryer was running.

Andy arched an eyebrow, her eyes shifting between the dryer and Sam.

"Yeah, I kinda did your laundry and took out your trash". Sam said letting his hand run up behind his head, where his hand fingered his own hair.

"You did my laundry?". Andy blurted out before she could control herself.

"Yeah, and I took out your trash". Sam repeated to make sure she understood what he was saying here.

"You came home, to my condo, and somehow broke in to make me lunch, do my laundry, and take out my trash?".

Sam nodded, not sure what her stoic expression meant.

"Remember the conversation we had a while back, when I said I'd make you dinner and take out your trash?". Sam hesitantly stepped a little closer to her, his eyes moving involuntarily between her eyes and her lips, and back again.

Andy's mind flashed back to that moment, Sam's words on auto play.

"This is me doing just that. No more words, now its only me showing you everyday that I meant it".

"You said until I say yes, and I said yes Sam".

Sam was shaking his head from side to side, "Nope, you haven't, coz...I um... Haven't asked you yet".

"Sam!". Andy playfully smacked his arm as her cheeks flooded with a slight red hue.

"Oh come on, I told you that this is where this is going". Sam said waving his hand between them.

Andy's stomach chose that moment to make its emptiness known, causing her to again find it simple to giggle.

"Guess I'd better get you fed first". Sam said motioning towards the island for her to sit down.

After lunch of a simple chicken and cheese pasta and salad, Sam let Andy help him with the dishes and clean up before he told her he had another surprise for her.

Leading her to her balcony, he silently swung open the door to reveal a mini garden hidden behind the wall that kept it private from the street.

Everywhere were pot plants and even a small round garden table with two matching chairs.

In the corner was a wheelbarrow, small rose bushes planted in fresh sand in it.

"Wow". Andy said stepping out into the fresh air, the sun basking her skin in warmth that had been lost in rainy days.

"You did all this today?". Andy spun around expecting Sam to have a cocky expression on his face but instead finding the look his mother had so poetically captured on paper.

"Thank you". Andy added before giving Sam the time to answer her.

It was like he had bestowed her own secret garden in mini version on her balcony for her, knowing that she loved the outdoors.

A gift so unusual, thank you didn't quite seem to cover it.

Oliver called an hour later, asking if they'd like to join them all at the Penny after shift, because Frank had an announcement and wanted them there.

After checking with Andy, Sam said they'd meet them there at seven thirty, before asking her if she wanted him to pick her up.

It was all different, even though it was still them, things seemed easier, but didn't feel far away from their normal comfort zone.

Sam left Andy with a kiss on her cheek in her doorway with the promise to pick her up at seven to go to the Penny, a wicked smile on his lips as he pulled away before leaving.

The whole new them was driving him crazy, and he was sure it was her too, but their lack of physical contact that he was determined to keep was not due to any form of dissipation in the attraction between them, it was more a case of him trying to prove that their relationship was based on a lot more than their tendency to get so physically wrapped up in eachother that they lost sight of everything else around them.

As promised Sam was ready and waiting at seven.

Walking into the Penny, Sam held the door open for Andy, his other hand still holding on to hers, he blatantly refused to let it go, and had no problems showing public affection this time around.

Ignoring the questioning looks, they made their way over to the tables already occupied by their friends, welcoming smiles making the inquisitive looks dissipate.

After a round of drinks and friendly banter, Noelle produced a stack of lilac and cream colored envelopes, silence following as she cleared her throat.

"These are for select members of Fifteen, it is not to be broadcast under any circumstances". Smiling she handed the envelopes out, one to Oliver, one to Traci, one to Dov, one between Gail and Nick, one to Sam, and kept two in her hand as she let her eyes flow over the bar counter.

"Wedding invitations?" Traci suddenly squealed before clamping her hand over her mouth.

"Yeah and why is this one addressed to me and Andy?". Sam said leaning in a little closer as he tried to keep his face as stern as possible.

Noelle leaned back in her chair, before looking at Frank and then leaning forward.

"Sammy, Andy's your plus one like Frank is mine, so the sooner you get that the better, because if I'm having to resort to giving it to you in writing, I'm wondering if you're ever gonna get that".

The table let out loud fits of laughs, just as Sam saw Shay making her way into the Penny and straight towards them.

Andy looked up when she noticed Sam's smile, following his line of vision until she found her own reason to let a huge smile beam over her lips.

As soon as Shay made it to the table, Sam noticed the sadness marring her once bright eyes, before she tried to cover it up, her face turning to the left as he noticed another pair of eyes watching them, mirroring the sad look she had.

Wait, what?

"Andy you having a beer?". Sam asked after giving Shay a hug as Andy moved to replace him.

"Yeah, sure".

Sam made his way over to Liam, standing close to the eyes that were watching and ordered a round for the table, and one for the solitary patron at the bar.

"You know, woman like that don't come around often". Sam said as he followed Luke's eyes to where Andy and Shay were in a deep written conversation.

"That, I know". Luke's reply was dry, his face turning to seek Sam out as his hand let go of his whiskey glass.

"So she got the promotion?".

Luke nodded, Sam was smart, it wouldn't take him long to figure it all out.

"So you're just gonna let her go?". Sam slid onto the chair next to Luke, asking Liam to have the drinks delivered to the table.

"It's not as simple as it sounds". Luke's cold shoulder was far from vacating the area.

"I get it, I really do. After what you did for me, with Andy, I think you need to do the same for yourself". Sam took a sip of his beer, waiting for Luke to have some snappy response.

"Nope, I screwed that up before I even had the chance to start it".

What?

Sam leaves for a week and somehow Callagan and Shay seem to have gone from hardly talking to at war from the cold glare she sent his way before turning back to face Andy.

"You know, guys like us, we're born to screw up..."

"I kissed her, so she slapped me and I just walked away. Left her standing there. At a crime scene. She applied for the transfer and got it, so she's leaving soon. And I just don't get how I'm supposed to fix this screw up".

Sam's eyebrows arched way up at Callaghan's sudden honest declaration.

"Got a pen?". Luke turned to face Sam, a bewildered look on his face, before he retrieved his pen from his pocket and handed it over.

Sam made his way over to Noelle and said a few words before making his way over to Shay, holding a lilac envelope.

Setting the items down on the table, Sam signed, hoping that she would take her own advice.

'You're a good person Shay, and you deserve better than the hand you were dealt, so don't waste a chance to do that'.

Shay looked between Sam and Luke, before Sam spun her around so she wouldn't see Luke.

'He's a solid guy, and I know you know about him and Andy, but... He wasn't her good, solid guy?'.

Shay stared at Sam, before her own hands flew up to counter his words.

'I don't...'.

Sam wrapped his hands over hers and held on to them, stopping her from making any further attempts to talk.

"Wait one second?".

Shay nodded, so Sam called Andy over.

Looking at Shay, Sam spoke just loud enough for the both of them to hear.

"Andy, what's Luke really like?".

Andy looked between Shay and Luke, before focusing her undivided attention on Shay.

"He's a good guy Shay, a really good guy. He's made mistakes, but we've all done that, he's reliable and he's honest".

Shay watched Andy as she spoke slowly, before Sam let go of her hands, adding a "Take your own advice" as he handed her the envelope and pen.

"Congrats on the promotion, but be nice, and tell him it doesn't entail leaving? That was mean Shay, you need to play nice with this one".

Shay's face flushed as she nodded, of course Sam knew that just because she was taking the promotion it didn't mean she would be leaving.

It would be based out of Fifteen, her new assignment was working high profile Gun's & Gang's video surveillance footage because of her accurate ability to read lips and know the rules.

Sam spun Shay around and shoved her forwards, Luke's head immediately lifting when he saw her approaching.

"What just happened?". Andy asked as Shay held out the envelope to Luke, his face cracking up with a lopsided smile.

"I just wrote plus Luke on her wedding invitation".

"Why would you do that?".

"Andy, look at him, he looks at her like I looked at you, when we first met, but we haven't been around to see it. He made a minor error in judgment, so I just ironed out the bumps".

"A minor error in judgment?".

"Yeah, it wasn't as bad as the blackout we had, the lights were on and they were at a crime scene..."

"Sam! You're never going to let that go are you?".

"Nope".

"But you did a good thing".

"Yup, payback for him making me jealous". Sam said before letting out a chuckle.

Andy watched as Luke looked up and nodded at Sam who returned the gesture.

Life seemed to be righting itself, and apparently, Andy wasn't the only one who finally got her good guy.

Andy and Sam took seats at the table, conversation flowing with celebratory drinks.

Sam watched Andy stare off into space, her mind a private reel of images.

Her mind was peeking into the future, Sam finishing his bike rebuild and her getting him a vinyl sticker made when he decided to keep the bike and call her Molly.

Frank and Noelle's wedding, a late night party with dancing until sunrise the next morning.

Traci finding someone who cares as much for Leo as he does for her, not a replacement for Jerry, just an equal.

Nick and Gail getting over their past and moving forwards, sharing a lot of tequila along the way.

Dov meeting a girl that truly kept him grounded.

Oliver and Zoe patching up their falling apart marriage.

Shay and Luke- well that was a thought she had never allowed to formulate in her mind, but watching them now, that might just be a pairing that lasts.

As for her and Sam, she didn't know what tomorrow would bring, or where they'd be a year from now, but she was sure of one thing.

Whatever they were doing, and wherever they were, they'd be doing it together.

**The End!**

******Thanks for reading!**

*******okay, so let me know what you think in another one of those awesome thoughts you leave by using the little box underneath here - .****͡▹**

**Have an awesome day!**

**Jelly Bean Jenna©**

**A/N: I will now be continuing with SIN, so see you all over there!**


End file.
